Just wanted to make this my first and last stop now I have returned from my break.
I'd like to start off by apologizing to gagamel for my inappropriate language and harsh words. I still am of the opinion that your first statement was off topic and unnecessarily offensive to me, however that gives me no right to react the way I did, and two wrongs don't make a right, therefore I should have expressed my disappointment at your comments in a more adult, and civil manner. To anyone who found my reaction offensive, I also apologize to you, and hopefully I can be forgiven.
To Max and Bryan, sorry for my overreaction, and not adhering to your directives when I should have. My intentions were not to purposely oppose or break your rules, rather defend my honor when things started to spiral downhill, and I felt I was being ganged up on. This isn't an excuse, but please know my stupid behavior was an instinctive reaction (a very poor one I admit), rather than a planned attempt to start a revolt against either of you. In my blind rage, my attempts to explain myself only dug myself a deeper hole, but hopefully you can forgive me, and accept that this is the honest truth from my point of view, and no malice was intended.
To Mark, we must agree to disagree, and I am happy to politely co-exist with you on this forum, however your comments, especially after I was banned, are too hurtful and malicious for me to comfortably offer you an apologetic hand, or forgiveness all the same. I'm not sure if you actually realize how potentially damaging your accusations of calling someone a gambling addict publicly may be, especially when you have no firm evidence; no idea about me personally, nor my financial situation; and most importantly, no knowledge of how many personal relationships I may share outside of this forum with other members here; but to do so, and label someone in the manner you did, with the malicious intent you exhibited, and when the person had no right of reply, says to me you knew exactly what you were aiming to achieve, even if in ignorance, and were unrepentant in doing so.
I can assure you I do not have a gambling addiction, nor am I maintenance worker earning $50,000 pa, however none of this information is anyone's business in truth, yet the evidence you based your accusations on, are as reliable as the evidence I have at my disposal if I was to randomly accuse you of being a drug addict. I'm sure you would think this to be a preposterous accusation on my part, and potentially damaging to your reputation, or standing within a community if your fellow neighbors were to read such a thing. My point is, a damaging label or accusation as serious as the one you so flippantly made, particularly when untrue, can still create unnecessary stress and unwarranted communications for the person targeted, and most damaging, it creates a permanent label the person must wear like a scarlet letter when in the company of those he knows and have been made aware of the accusations. So basically, do you honestly think, that I minor disagreement on a forum, regardless of how out of hand and petty it became, warrants such a personal and potentially damaging accusation as the one you, and some others made?
I am lucky that the persons I know who read your words, know me well enough to laugh off your accusations, however there were some that needed a gentle confirmation. Now I have to live in the knowledge that every time I see those people, can I be sure they don't still have their doubts, or think I have a secretive and destructive addiction. You have permanently marked me, and my crimes, regardless of how upset they made you, did not in any way warrant a left field attack and accusation with such damaging repercussions. Lucky for you I am a very strong person, and have good people around me, as a weaker soul could have done something very stupid, potentially even leaving your life forever scarred. Thankfully for me, the number of friends who saw your comments and contacted me were not so great as to be unbearable, however I can honestly say, that the mind fuck you served me, will now forever linger in my mind unnecessarily when I am in their company.
I don't know you personally, so I can only wish that you are not the malicious type, or make a habit of attacking people on such a dark and personal level. Yes my behavior towards gagamel was unacceptable, and I can easily be accountable and apologize for my stupidity. However, you often backed your attack on me with the assurance to others that your response was derived from an unwillingness to stand by and let someone attack your fellow members, and as commendable as that is, given the nature and timing of what I have taken to be a potentially very damaging accusation, I am unfortunately of the opinion that this claim of yours was a convenient cover for a calculated attack, and ultimate killer final blow.
I make no excuses for the hurtful things I said to gagamel, however they were stupid tongue in cheek school yard insults, and although I do not take away from the hurt they may have caused gagamel, it's highly unlikely anyone would have read my insults and honestly went away and formed an opinion that gagamel was a magic mushroom eating, loony stalker as I claimed. In the context of what this forum represents, and the seriousness of your insult, I think you neglected to realize just how many readers here may legitimately, and currently, be struggling with this addiction, and the pain it can cause on so many levels. I think your comments, and the reasons behind them, were not only damaging to me personally, but also disrespectful to those who may have read them and are currently going through the steps of recovery, or contemplating coming forward and admitting the problem exists. Your comments are hardly an encouraging pat on the back to those suffering from this addiction, rather I would think it would have acted as a deterrent, as your attempt to name and shame me as an addict based on a ridiculous and ludicrous thought process and imaginary locker of evidence, would clearly scare the daylights out of those contemplating reaching out here or seeking information, in fear they may be publicly outed prematurely, or spoken of with a flippant ignorance.
If you were really that concerned for my welfare, or convinced I may have an addiction, by your own admission, wouldn't your protective and helpful nature as you described, direct you to pm me personally to discuss such concerns, rather then state something so personal publicly? Surely if nothing else, seeing as the issue of addiction is well publicized via the awareness Casinomeister creates through this forum alone, you had to be aware of the sensitive nature of your accusations, and whether true or not, the extreme damage a public outing could do to someone who is really suffering from this illness.
I'm done Mark, and don't think this is aimed just at you, as I am aware of the others who so conveniently expressed these same views once I was unable to respond. Escalating a disagreement from stupid name calling as I regretfully did, to trying to permanently damage someones reputation via unfounded accusations, which were also irrelevant to any prior discussion, is a massive leap, and an extremely low blow. Yes I am guilty of my own foul mouth, and I am 100% accountable and sorry, however you took it that extra mile in my opinion, and while I hope even maybe deep down you (and the others) are slightly apologetic, the permanent psychological damage you have done to me through the emotional scars and ripples you planted in some of my personal relationships that can't now be reversed, leaves me forever damaged over a stupid forum discussion.
You clearly pulled out all the stops to win the argument, and obviously weren't too interested in thinking about how far you were willing to go to do so. Well, I guess now all I can do is congratulate you on your win, as I frantically wave my white mercy flag. As I said, I am happy to coexist and be courteous, however I hope you can at the very least take something from what I've said, and acknowledge how damaging those accusations can be, and ensure you don't do the same to anyone else in the future, as you can't ensure what someone's reaction may be should they actually be in the grip of such a damaging addiction.
And for the record, not sure how, what, or why you threw in an accusation of me having multiple accounts registered here, but that was also an unfounded false accusation based on no evidence, and I'm sure Bryan can look into this for you and confirm my declaration should this be of some importance to you, for what reasons I'm unsure. I have also reported the comments I found damaging, in keeping with the reporting trend that exists, and in truth, that I was unaware of before I was reported myself (lol). I'm doing so only to support my claims here, and please feel free to respond, however know from my end, this drama is now over, and I am looking forward to moving on and once again becoming an avid reader of the site, and looking at cool winner screenshots.
Once again, my deepest apologize to those I offended, and sorry if I missed anyone, but you can consider yourself included in my heartfelt apology.
Peace!