Its time to stop chasing the rainbow

[NASHVEGAS]

Right on ! and for all the pages and pages of this thread, that's pretty much what it comes down to . No one here is qualified to help someone with this problem . All the great advice and compassion in the world isn't going to help until someone is ready to get help .As a side note : it is refreshing to see so many people here who care about one another .

Words have been misunderstood I assume. See Silkprint's comments in bold which better express part of my thoughts......Being a witness to on-going self-destruction, well nevermind!!

 

[WagerWitch]

Right - but where do you draw the line?

Someone who says: Ooops I made a mistake a really bad one...

Do you say: You're self destructing and You're an addict

Or do you say:

Oh my gosh - sorry dude, been there - pick yourself dust yourself off... If you continue and don't learn from this - then you might need to talk to someone - but hey - Don't kill yourself over this. BE responsible from this point on - and take care of yourself and your loved ones.

???

Just because someone comes home and scraped their knees does not mean LOCK THEM UP so they can't hurt themselves.

Someone who takes a knock back in gambling doesn't mean they are addicted and have a problem.

It means they screwed up - and they need to be responsible for their actions.

NOW - if they do it again and again and again without any regard to the consequences - Yeah - that's a problem...

And well - on a forum you have to be very careful to let people know that you are there for them - but that hey - SHIT HAPPENS.

Yanno?

It's not being co-dependent.

It's just saying what is real.

I'm not gonna diagnose someone who comes in with a problem as a problem gambler.

There is a BIG difference between someone who screws up - and someone who is screwed up.

YANNO?

I'm not saying - HEY EVERYONE should gamble.

But I'm not a psychologist and they aren't in my shop...

So - I'm not qualified to label ANYONE as an addict.

And I'm not going to add to someone's guilt that they already screwed up and now need to fix it.

I'm not gonna baby someone - but I'm not gonna kick them while they are down either.

I understand - and have been there.

I pulled my bootstraps up - and figured it out.

Yanno?

Come on - does this guy have a problem? Is he an addict?

I DO NOT KNOW.

If he is an addict - he shouldn't be here - or continue to come back - because this will just fuel the fire.

If he just screwed up - well - who am I to tell him what to do - to stay off the site - to never gamble again?

Nash - it might be semantics - but you cannot diagnose someone (at least I can't) based on the words. It's the actions.

I might say --- dangit - I lost 10 deposits today - and tomorrow I'm gonna try again 10 more.

You might think that addiction - I don't.

I play for ME.

So - I would hope you wouldn't label that as addiction.

BUT - if I came to you and said: I can't stop - ever... Oh my gosh - I'm ruining my life - I'm in debt - I'm borrowing money to play - my kids aren't eating - I've lost my car - but I'm still playing online...

THEN you could ascertain I would then have a problem with gambling.

OR SOMETHING.

(My personal thoughts are responsibility - but an addict cannot see the light or they can - but cannot stop themselves - I think.)

But I don't wanna hurt anyone - and I am always here to offer moral support and good wishes.

 

[silcnlayc]

But I decided - it doesn't MATTER what people think.

Good for you! I, too, can care less what people think of my hobbies...maybe that is the root of the problem for people that do enjoy gambling..instead of hiding this past time...tell people what you like when asked..

I have, and boy do I see a real strange look on their faces at first...but then after the "shock" wears off...it is like..so when you going again...let me give you a few bucks for me, type thing...amazing isn't it! When you are ok within yourself on what you enjoy and let others know this...you will be very surprised how many others come to the same conclusion within themselves on this very same hobby!

Yes, it will always be a taboo hobby until more come out and say they enjoy this and make it OK to do...just as any other hobby that hurts no one and is allowed to be embraced by the mainstream...which is US!...Gambling has been around since Roman days....and maybe even before..it only got stigmatized when the do gooders of the world decided this must be a sin activity...


.

 

[bryand]

It seems we've digressed in this discussion.

If, in a thread about computer problems, I said "Just kick it and all will be better", what would be the harm (except exposing my ignorance on the subject)?

But offering opinions and advice on a potentially life-threatening condition is a huge responsibility that cannot be taken lightly. Addiction is confounding even to the experts.

It has been said here that one or two incidents don't indicate addiction. OF COURSE IT DOESN'T! The point is again missed totally.

Again I plead to the uninformed to stay away from offering opinions about THIS issue. People other than OP may well read this thread. Besides, you don't want a suicide on your conscience due to uninformed advice.

 

[bernynhel]

That is the most ****** ******* depressing thing I have ever read on CM! I will never click on a nominated post link again as long as I live!

 

[bryand]

That is the most ****** ******* depressing thing I have ever read on CM! I will never click on a nominated post link again as long as I live!

Coming from someone with that moniker???

 

[AussieDave]

Hi WonderingSpirit,

As much as I can appreciate and hold empathy to your anguish and pain, the up side to this is you've realised and admitted you have a gambling problem.

That is one of the hardest steps to take.

Although your in the depths of despair now, this could change in a week or so.

Gambling like most addictions has a sneaky way of convincing you that it's not such a BIG issues. That maybe it's just a bad run or something similar. Of course these are just excuses but the end result will probably find you in a much worse position than you are now.

One thing that will prevent you from Gambling is money. If you don't have access to funds you can't gamble.

If it's at all possible you may like to look at having someone (fiance or family member) co-sign your bank accounts for a period of time.

I know that makes life a bit difficult but life will be a lot more difficult and emotionally painful if you return to gambling again.

Like other members have suggested look at taking up some hobbies. I believe if you can replace one activity with another then the gambling wont seem as important anymore.

I wish you all the success in breaking this destructive cycle.



Cheers

Dave

 

[Wildfire7]

Good for you! I, too, can care less what people think of my hobbies...maybe that is the root of the problem for people that do enjoy gambling..instead of hiding this past time...tell people what you like when asked

I suppose gambling can conjure up negative connatations for people who do not gamble. For instance if you met a new partner and were asked what are your interests and hobbys, you wouldnt say "oh football, cycling, music, and gambling" you might as well be saying "oh football, cycling, music and playing chicken on the railways"

Also if too many people know you gamble then they can associate your personal wealth or lack of it down to gambling. Example you buy a new tv or ipod, they say oh you must have won last night, or if you are having a lean week, not due to gambling they might suspect you lost it gambling.

For me its about getting it in proportion, just another thing that can be done online, a minor interest alongside your main hobbys.

Mike

 

[WonderingSpirit]

Well.. a small update:

I kept my pokerface on untill today, and then told her.
There were several reasons for my not telling her right away.
She had a final exam for eduaction on Monday, and we were preparing our sons birthday that was on tuesday.

5 days have passed since I went bananas. I checked the damage and it was 1065$ spent. I usually have a budget of 500 nkr. (88$ in todays currency)

She was of course dissapointed, but she is still fairly calm.
I told her to change my security code on my internet banking. (When depositing I usually have to go through verified by visa and enter my personal code + a security code from a bank calculator.)

I know its only been 5 days, but Im not tempted to play at the moment. My play time with all my deposits on saturday was so poor and not even close to winning that the online casinos might have cured my urge to play.

 

[WonderingSpirit]

Hi wondering spirit,

The very fact that you have made 100+ deposits and no cashouts is a sure sign that you have problems knowing when to stop.

Mike

It would never have been 100 deposits if I had not hit a random in March. But the random did fuel me. I went from 20$ -5000$ ( 2300 from random) in a few hours . Cashed out at about 3500$. I also had 2 cashouts (32red 700$ and 3dice 3-600$ dont remember) prior to going on my long loosing streak, which I estimate to be around 100.
Havnt counted. Could be 88 could be 108. Avg deposit would be about 35-45$. And I have some losses between 32red win and jp in march.

All in all this year im in the red when it comes to budget, but we are not in a financial crisis because of my slip ups. But this month and october has been very brutal.

I would classify myself as a "semi addict". I can go long time without feeling any need to gamble, and sometimes when I plan on gamble, I use more than I was supposed to.

this forum blows my mind with it's open arms to the addicted!!

I guess you are right. If you joined a beer forum and after a year, you write a post: Damn, I need to cool down my beer drinking, I could turn into an alcoholic, any advice to reduce drinking? The other members would probably tell you to f.. off.

Right on ! and for all the pages and pages of this thread, that's pretty much what it comes down to . Noone here is qualified to help someone with this problem . All the great advice and compassion in the world isn't going to help until someone is ready to get help .
As a side note : it is refreshing to see so many people here who care about one another .

You dont need a masters degree to give advice, if you have been in a similar situation. First hand experience can sometimes be more helpful than what someone has learned from a book. And the response from fellow members can be a motivator to stop a problem from developing.

@wonderingspirit, I wish you luck. It may be a good idea to stop completely for awhile and then later if you want to play again, make a budget and force yourself to stick to it. Some casinos will let you set a deposit limit per month, have you checked into that?

I told my fiancee that I have now selfexcluded myself until April. As I wrote in the post above I told my fiancee to change my personal code to my internet bank. That way I can still use my card for normal everyday use, and stay away from gambling. I know im gonna get monitered from now on.

And the next time Im going to gamble online I told her that I want her to gamble with me. So if we agree to deposit 50$, I know there is no way to talk her into depositing another 50. She is a budget keeper and not to crazy about gambling.

Living with me is enough dopamine rush for her



Thanks to all for all the replies. Didnt expect to see so many replies and so many nominated post in this thread

Also I think this thread served some good. I forgot to close the webpage when leaving the computer and my fiancee read some of the posts, including mine. I found out later when she asked what the current currency was. She saw that I posted 1065$ loss. Anyways after seeing this thread, it might have calmed her down a bit. She have seen that Im taking my recent gambling serious enough to post it online.

 

[bryand]

You dont need a masters degree to give advice, if you have been in a similar situation. First hand experience can sometimes be more helpful than what someone has learned from a book. And the response from fellow members can be a motivator to stop a problem from developing.

Thanks for starting a great thread, for your honesty and for taking the time to update the forum on your success in looking within and telling your partner about the money. Although forums are a great resource and most members are just trying to help, you don't always know their background or agendas. If this problem resurfaces, please find someone that has been there before, and just as important, someone that is living in a solution to the problem.

 

[LonelyHearts]

Also, if you really want "TRUE" exclusion from gambling. Go download gamblock It will be the best thing you can buy yourself to help you in your fight.