Does My Friend Have a Gambling Problem?

[james01]

I have a friend who works at a not-so-great job, but good enough that she should be able to make rent and stuff.

I know that she plays some online slots, but I don't know how much.

Anyway, she asked me for a loan of 300 Euro to help her with rent b/c of a cashflow problem. She said she'll make it back soon. I think she meant that she'll win it, but I'm not sure.

I told her I needed to think about it. Do you think she has a gambling prob? And if so, am I "enabling" by bailing her out?

Should I be worried that she'll try to win back the money she owes me?

 

[julester]

In my humble opinion....

...and based on the few lines you have written, I think it is impossible to say whether or not your friend has a gambling problem!

Another way of looking at it. You have a friend that smokes 50 a day and asks for a loan. Will he use the money to feed his addiction or pay his bills? We don't know but based on the actual evidence you have provided, there is hardly much proof to presume it is anything else other than genuine. You have to go with your gut feeling.

My unwanted advice is simple. If you want to lend her the money, lend it - just don't expect it back. That way, your friendship won't be threatened. If you get it back, it's a bonus (without playthrough of course ). I am not being cynical - just realistic.

One last thing. Your question is slightly loaded and suggests that you know the answer. If she does have a problem, my advice would be not to lend and if you feel comfortable, to confront here with your fears...and more importantly, help her if it's wanted.

Of course, I know nothing

 

[BingoT]

I say if she needs a friend to help out on the bills ask her for one and pay that bill off.This is what I would do to help her.
Never feed a gambler it will lead into hardship.
I rather see the family eat a good dinner than to gamble it away.
A good friend you may lose if you support this if you give it to her for her to try to hit the rainbow to pay you off.
A Good Friendship Is Priceless.

 

[babs7262]

My dad always gave me great advice, to this day he still does. When it comes to loaning money , he said to me....

"If you wanna lend someone $20 or under, thats fine because if you dont get it back, you just dont lend to that person anymore and your only out $20 at the most"

"IF someone wants more than $20 and you cant afford to lose it forever, dont lend it because if it will cost you a friendship andthats worth alot more than any amount you lend"

In other words, most people that ask a friend for more than $20 is going to take awhile to pay it back (in most instances). If you cant afford it or you need that money your lending back in a certain time , its not a good idea.

As far as a gambling problem?You really didnt give us much information, like :

1. Does she borrow money every week?
2. Do you know ALL of her other habits and vices?
3. Is she self consumed with "getting that win"?
Among lots of other things. If you want to remain a friend, like I said, lend it if you can afford to lose it and dont lend it everytime they ask because a pattern will form

 

[aodat2]

jimmy, I do believe you have already made up your mind before you even posted over here asking for our opinions. The only thing you're seeking here is that we change your mind and perhaps give you a good enough reason for not doing like what you have in mind.

With that said, if you're afraid that your friend might use it to gamble, then ask her directly what it's for and if it's for gambling or not. If you have a true enough friend he/she will surely tell you the truth no matter what it is.

Only borrow the money to him/her if you can afford to lose that money and still be well with it. But if that money is important to you and that you really do need it and can't afford to be without it, then don't borrow it.

 

[The Dude]

I have a friend who works at a not-so-great job, but good enough that she should be able to make rent and stuff.

I know that she plays some online slots, but I don't know how much.
...

You may want to talk to her about it to find out how much. If it's strictly recreational, you might talk to her about joining tournaments (like at Intercasino) where the player only has to pay an entrance fee and can still win a substantial amount. That's a good way to manage funds.

If she's borrowing money because of gambling, then you've answered your own question. If she understands English - point her into this direction:
https://www.casinomeister.com/quit-gambling/
If not, do her a favor and read it for her. Many good resources and tips on how to give up gambling.

IMO: someone who is just making it by should not be gambling online. It's too convenient.

 

[lojo]

IMO: someone who is just making it by should not be gambling online. It's too convenient.

Excellent point! Especially in hard times - desparation can lead to despair, and that can lead to chasing and full tilt disaster.

I did the stupidest thing I've ever done a couple of weeks ago. I somehow convinced myself that the reason I wasn't winning is that I wasn't betting enough too small of a bankroll, you know. So, not having enough to cover all my obligations anyway I dipped into non-disposable income hoping to win (I know, not the usual lojo rationale)
The good news is I lost it. If I had won I may have convinced myself of even stupider things!
I shared the experience with a friend, and it wasn't what he said, it was how he said it... something like 'don't beat yourself up too bad about it, we've all done it'. (not that i believed he had, mind you)
To make a long story short i redoubled my efforts for income, cut corners on personal wants (coors instead of ingredients for mead... no tailor made ciggies, burger instead of steak, etc.) and crawled out of the hole with a quickness.

What's my point? "Lesson learned" I guess. And even gambling month to month disposable income may not be the best thing to do if I don't have a nest egg. And most importantly, it would only harm your friend to 'shame' her whether she has a gambling problem or not.

 

[GaryWatson]

To answer the same as everyone else in one statement....

"Never a borrower nor a lender be"

It holds true. Im stubborn in that no matter how bad it gets, I bite the bullet & eat pasta & canned tomatos for a few months.

I know what its like to gamble, hence the canned tomato but Ive tried to help friends in the past & even still do it at times but usually regret it. Ive been left in bad situations through others.

By lending money, you are doing the favor but it doesnt always seem that way and often leads to hassle. it doesnt help you and it certainly doesnt help them.

The lies are par for the course, an indication of a gambling habit. By lending money, you are being the crutch. Tough love is required for them to face their problem or they will end up deeper in it, dragging you with them.

 

[steinhaug]

The good news is I lost it. If I had won I may have convinced myself of even stupider things!

Twisted logic, I love it! Lets step it up a notch, since you are already in the clear admitting that gambling equals loosing - maby it's time to throw in the towel man, Take yourself a vacation man and get drunk! Yeeha! Trade your dollars/euroes into something materialistic - something physical!

Back to the thread again. If it's a good friend, and you can afford it, give her the money! If she gets up and running she can pay you back later, but the money is a gift initially! 300 euroes isn't that much money after alol. Also, she may do as she pleases with the money, it's her money in the end (assuming you give them to her). Playing the "I'm so much better than you, listen to me and my great advices from a perfect life" doesn't help much. Kicking people already down, doesn't help much. Maby I say this since I've been down myself, and I just hate it if you ask a favour and you get a freaking morale speech in return. Then I just say forget it, I'll ask someone else!

Sum it up:
Is it a good friend?
Can you afford it?

If both are yes, go for it and get a kick out of helping a friend!

...

Damn man! That was a reality check, smack to the face! Endeed you are right, you cruel man! Give some love, hehe.

 

[james01]

Thanks, everyone.
She's a really good friend, so I think I will lend her the money. I'm nervous about bringing up the subject of the online gambling, so I think I'll leave it for now, but if she doesn't pay me back by the end of next month, or if she needs another loan soon, I think I'll have a talk with her about the gambling.

Mostly, I'm worried because up until she started playing online slots, she never needed a loan, and she hasn't changed jobs and her rent hasn't gone up and her one big expense - hanging out at pubs - has gone way down - she's home a lot more, doesn't want to go out.

I don't want to give her a lecture about it, but I don't want to let my friend wreck her life either.

 

[winbig]

Thanks, everyone.
She's a really good friend, so I think I will lend her the money. I'm nervous about bringing up the subject of the online gambling, so I think I'll leave it for now, but if she doesn't pay me back by the end of next month, or if she needs another loan soon, I think I'll have a talk with her about the gambling.

Mostly, I'm worried because up until she started playing online slots, she never needed a loan, and she hasn't changed jobs and her rent hasn't gone up and her one big expense - hanging out at pubs - has gone way down - she's home a lot more, doesn't want to go out.

I don't want to give her a lecture about it, but I don't want to let my friend wreck her life either.

If you really want to help your friend, instead of giving her cash, offer to pay the amount you were going to give her in the form of a check towards her rent, made out to her landlord.

If she wasn't going to use the money for gambling, then she shouldn't have any objections. If she raises a fuss, then you have your answer to whether or not she was going to use it for gambling. Only a true addict will try to either raise their rent money or lose it altogether from gambling. Same goes for food money and other necessities.

Another option would be to take her to the grocery store, let her do her shopping, then pay for her groceries. Or just simply get her a gift card from the store she shops at

I guess what it all boils down to is that if her intentions are on the up and up, she'll be appreciative for any help you give her, not just help in the form of cash.

 

[3Dice]

Hi James,

It's a hard call to make, especially given that if your friend really does have a problem she obviously hasn't figured that out herself yet. Ultimately its her that needs to realize there is a problem - not you. (It would save you the 300, but wont help her at all..). So the question becomes whether or not there is anything you can do to help her truly asses the situation, regardless of whether you lend her the money.

One way to try and do that could be to tell her you can lend her the money, but you really don't have 300 to spare and the only way for you to do it is give her your gambling budget. Add that she needs to pay you back soon cause you wont be able to play till she does ..

More seriously tho, whether or not you lend her the money, consider that a true friend would share his emotions about the situation. Explain that you are really worried; up to the point where you went looking for external advice on the situation and tell her why she's got you so worried. If you lend her the money tell her you don't need to know what its for, but that you hope that the friendship you have would allow any type of problem to be discussed. Treat her the way you would want to be treated .. Honesty goes a long way !

Good luck,

Enzo

 

[lojo]

If you really want to help your friend, instead of giving her cash, offer to pay the amount you were going to give her in the form of a check towards her rent, made out to her landlord.

If she wasn't going to use the money for gambling, then she shouldn't have any objections. If she raises a fuss, then you have your answer to whether or not she was going to use it for gambling. Only a true addict will try to either raise their rent money or lose it altogether from gambling. Same goes for food money and other necessities.

Another option would be to take her to the grocery store, let her do her shopping, then pay for her groceries. Or just simply get her a gift card from the store she shops at

I guess what it all boils down to is that if her intentions are on the up and up, she'll be appreciative for any help you give her, not just help in the form of cash.

That seems like a good idea, and I'm sure it comes from genuine care and concern... but the addicted mind has it's own master manipulator mode (chesterday I couldn't spell dimplomat, now i are one )
If you pay my mortgage or rent, I have x$ to get my fix. If you buy my groceries, I have even more. If you take me to the store by the hand, I'll slobber all over it and then hate your guts for treating me like a child while I spend your money on my habit, then I'll feel like shit and want your forgiveness and ask for your help again until you finally treat me like the spineless addict you already know me as... why else would you have not just given me the money, you ^&%*&%& .

A friend should oughta be able to talk to a friend as a friend. Give her the money with no expectations of getting it back. If you are great friends, tell her it is a gift. Once the money part is out of the way have a little chat about gambling if you're in a place that has access to gamcare or another non 12-step model.
If not, don't give her the money, ask if she'd like some help with her finances until she gets back on her feet --- accounting and accountability, no cash before that is done. If she's in to the bookies... well that's another scenario all together.

If your friend is you, please send me a personal message for resources.

 

[lojo]

Sound advice, Enzo (I decided to post before reading yours because I knew we'd say some similar things and i wanted mine to still have some original juice )

 

[winbig]

If you pay my mortgage or rent, I have x$ to get my fix. If you buy my groceries, I have even more. If you take me to the store by the hand, I'll slobber all over it and then hate your guts for treating me like a child while I spend your money on my habit, then I'll feel like shit and want your forgiveness and ask for your help again until you finally treat me like the spineless addict you already know me as... why else would you have not just given me the money, you ^&%*&%& .

That's so true, but in buying groceries, paying for rent or whatever, at least then you're not being an enabler in a direct sense.

A friend should oughta be able to talk to a friend as a friend. Give her the money with no expectations of getting it back. If you are great friends, tell her it is a gift. Once the money part is out of the way have a little chat about gambling if you're in a place that has access to gamcare or another non 12-step model.
If not, don't give her the money, ask if she'd like some help with her finances until she gets back on her feet --- accounting and accountability, no cash before that is done. If she's in to the bookies... well that's another scenario all together.

I agree. The check/store card should go along with a nice long heart to heart.

 

[james01]

Wow, you guys are really amazing. I called her today and told her to give me the details to pay her landlord rent, and I invited her out for drinks tonight. She seemed really reluctant to have drinks with me, but finally agreed. I'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow. I feel like I really need to talk to her about it, especially because another friend mentioned that she hasn't been going out almost at all lately. That really worries me, because she used to go out every weekend. I don't know if she's depressed or addicted. In either case, I feel like I need to let her know I'm worried about her. Thank you again for all your help and concern.

 

[lojo]

Wow, you guys are really amazing. I called her today and told her to give me the details to pay her landlord rent, and I invited her out for drinks tonight. She seemed really reluctant to have drinks with me, but finally agreed. I'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow. I feel like I really need to talk to her about it, especially because another friend mentioned that she hasn't been going out almost at all lately. That really worries me, because she used to go out every weekend. I don't know if she's depressed or addicted. In either case, I feel like I need to let her know I'm worried about her. Thank you again for all your help and concern.

Be good.

 

[happygobrokey]

Be good.

you put that much more succinctly than i was attempting to do (and subsequently gave up on doing). i'll merely append "be responsible" to lojo's advice.
. . . . . .and go get'em tiger!!!. . . . . .

 

[james01]

Okay, so here's what I was able to get from her... There was a lot of crying and a bit too much drinking involved.

Her car was totaled in a crash about 3 months ago, and the insurance wasn't enough to buy anything except a junker (her previous car was pretty dead before the accident), so she's been taking public transit (which sucks). Another friend (who I now need to have a serious talk with) told her how she'd won like 2K Euro at an online casino playing slots (turned out that she'd gotten 2K in bonus money and ended up only being able to cash out 200, btas).

Anyway, back to my first friend - she went online to try to win money to get a new car, and she fell into the classic trap - started chasing her losses, and is now down about 3.5K Euro. Some of it was from the car insurance and some of it is from her savings, but she got desperate and used rent money too.

So, in addition to comforting her for a long time, I told her that I'll help her with the rent this month, and she doesn't have to give it back. I made her sign a contract with me (on a bar napkin, but hey, it's paper) that she won't do any more gambling at all - online, lotto, nothing until she's saved up enough to afford a car.

I hope she won't break our contract. I told her I'll cover her for drinks Fri night next week & pick her up. She needs to get out with friends. I think staying home is making her really depressed.

Anything else I should do/watch for?

 

[GaryWatson]

Thats all you really can do

Just ensure she sticks to her promise & if she is paying her debt and cannot afford to go out, make a point of dropping in with a bottle of wine & tell her you got an interesting email from Golden casino offering a $2400 sign up bonus (joking)

 

[steinhaug]

That sounds like a great friend, I think you did great there! I see no reason why shee would want to gamble any more, after all she already lost a fortune in her own eyes! This loss was mainly because she started catching losses, so why would she in her right state of mind start chasing more?

Give her the benefit of the doubt, and believe she will learn from her mistake. Hey take it from me - I have lost over 500K with todays dollar currency! Sure I have bigger access to money to her, but 500K is hellova lot of money for me aswell and it has ruind my life in many ways! So why would she want to go my path? She already tasted the fruits of gambling!

She should be lucky however, for having a friend like you!

Cheers!

 

[happygobrokey]

...

I hope she won't break our contract. I told her I'll cover her for drinks Fri night next week & pick her up. She needs to get out with friends. I think staying home is making her really depressed.

Anything else I should do/watch for?

nope, you're golden. and if you're single, hit it up. she will appreciate what you've done (the caring and the cash) and probably want to start dating you. or just o-n-s when you two are out drinking some evening.

plus she's strapped for cash, makes perfect sense to move her in. put all the rent monies towards the car. also you can keep a good eye on her this way, and maybe let her take a few spins under your account if she gets the itch (and is well-behaved).

but anyhow, i don't mean that entirely seriously, but i could easily see any or all of the above transpiring.

 

[james01]

Thanks I'm actually in one of those complicated non-relationships that make it impossible to get into a new relationship. (maybe I need to quit *that* addiction - is there a 12-step for "people who break up and get back together with the same person at least ten times a month..." ?)

Plus we've been friends for like fifteen years, and if nothing's happened in all that time, chances are it won't now, although I am "on break" with my SO. (WTF does "on break" mean anyway???)

Anyway, called the friend today, and so far, so good. thanks all for the support!

 

[GaryWatson]

Thanks I'm actually in one of those complicated non-relationships that make it impossible to get into a new relationship. (maybe I need to quit *that* addiction - is there a 12-step for "people who break up and get back together with the same person at least ten times a month..." ?)

Plus we've been friends for like fifteen years, and if nothing's happened in all that time, chances are it won't now, although I am "on break" with my SO. (WTF does "on break" mean anyway???)

Anyway, called the friend today, and so far, so good. thanks all for the support!

Lol. You want an honest answer to that? I'll be tougher on you than montel williams or jeremy kyle

 

[LaurieJim]

james, it seems you have done the right thing, gambling and stress/ depression never mix worth a damn.it takes a good friend to come to the aid of another and help even when it goes against our better judgement sometimes. i wish nothing but the best for your friend and to you for being a true blue friend ..................laurie

 

[cec999]

yes

Someone who has trouble to pay the rent at the of the month SHOULD NOT gamble online because I really believe that "low revenue people" will always believe that gambling could maybe one day give them the money they need and thats the dangerous part. Gambling has to be purely recreational, but it's only my opinion!

 

[Jasminebed]

A true friend indeed

James, I do hope your friend learns from her mistake. And now that she has "come clean" with you, she has at least one place to talk about it. A GA group, or even an online chapter might be another. And a second job will help get her back on track faster, and having worked two myself to get out of debt *not gambling related* its a lesson I do not want to repeat.

 

[james01]

Thank you everyone again. I called her again today, and she said that she's feeling a bit less down now that she has a plan. She also found a co-worker who can take her partway home from work, so that saves her a load of time on the public transit.

I really believe that she's off the gambling, but I know these things aren't simple. I know that there's still a danger of her "falling off the wagon." I asked another girl I know to keep track of her, and they're going to watch a DVD tonight, so that's good. I don't want to have babysitters all the time, but I'm just worried about leaving her alone.

 

[paul02085]

Thank you everyone again. I called her again today, and she said that she's feeling a bit less down now that she has a plan. She also found a co-worker who can take her partway home from work, so that saves her a load of time on the public transit.

I really believe that she's off the gambling, but I know these things aren't simple. I know that there's still a danger of her "falling off the wagon." I asked another girl I know to keep track of her, and they're going to watch a DVD tonight, so that's good. I don't want to have babysitters all the time, but I'm just worried about leaving her alone.

It sure must be nice to be able to have friends of the opposite sex. Some people i know cant do what ur doing for your friend without having unpure thoughts .
In fact some people cant even read about it without having unpure thoughts

 

[GaryWatson]

It sure must be nice to be able to have friends of the opposite sex. Some people i know cant do what ur doing for your friend without having unpure thoughts .
In fact some people cant even read about it without having unpure thoughts

We all have unpure thoughts, if not, why not? On the last page, I think there was a bit of attraction & a bit of wanted affection Go for it

 

[babs7262]

Most of my friends are guys except a few. I think the opposite sex makes a better friend anyway. Although, RIch and I were friends for 2 years before we started dating and now we are

I dont like having too many "girl" friends, they get catty alot and I hate that kind of shit. Im a to the point gal and hate nonsense lol.

Kudos James
Your a good friend! Just be careful because I have a friend with a different kind of problem and it backfired on me. We still remain friends but its not the same

 

[GaryWatson]

Just be careful because I have a friend with a different kind of problem and it backfired on me. We still remain friends but its not the same

ditto

 

[james01]

Jeez - you guys know me better than I know myself.

Yesterday morning, I called my on-again, off-again SO and she said she's seeing someone.

So I took out Tamtam (her nickname) like I said I would, and we were supposed to meet other friends at the pub. They ended up going to some party and Tamtam and I didn't really feel like going to this party, so we hung out at the pub for a while. We didn't even have much to drink - cuz I was driving I just had one beer and the rest was cokes, and Tamtam had like 3 pina coladas over like 2 hours.

So I told her how my o-a,o-a SO is seeing someone, and I was suddenly all sad because I've kinda known this is coming for a long time, and Tamtam gave me a hug, and all the sudden, we were kissing. And then we were both like Whoa! where did that come from?

She excused herself to go to the bathroom, and I downed 2 ice waters while she was away, and then I took her home.

I'm pretty freaked. I never felt this way about her. She's not really pretty - kinda fat, in fact. We've been friends forever. I don't wanna screw that up. What if we go out and she's like... awful as a girlfriend?

Okay, I'm getting WAY WAY WAY off topic here. So, you guys can tell me to shut up and stop being such a chick about this.

Btw, she's still off the gambling. I hope last night wasn't a setback. I haven't had the guts to call her yet, but I asked another girl to call her and she said Tamtam's ok.

 

[babs7262]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Im overweight myself and my husband doesnt know it yet lol. Here's a great example. I gained some weight and we started dating at my almost too heavy weight. After awhile I got my "too heavy weight" I lost the weight and started to get compliments and Rich said to his friend (who ended up telling me) "how come everyone is telling Barbara that she lost alot of weight" His friend said "because she lost alot " Rich said "how come i cant see any difference?" his friend said "because you only notice her heart"

Please dont let her looks disway you, people get older, fatter, thinner, whatever it is, it happens. The heart and soul stay the same forever and if thats what attracts you to her then she will never change no matter how much she gains or loses. DOnt worry about what your mates think if she makes you happy. If she has been your friend this long, just think of how happy you could be together! You know each others' faults and secrets, youve seen each other at your best and worst. Love cant be found my friend, Love happens and when it does, be grateful and move on!

In my eyes...there is no fat and ugly or pretty and thin, there is mean and nice and caring and non caring. Go for those qualities that cant change because everything else will eventually

 

[GaryWatson]

 

[cslate]

Well
I must quote Brian (Family Guy)
I would wreck the bitch.

Sorry.

I just seen the episode....seems kinda the same.

Good luck though.....

My experiance was the same...giver and deal with it.

 

[bb28]

Crude and Rude!

Well
I must quote Brian (Family Guy)
I would wreck the bitch.

Sorry.

I just seen the episode....seems kinda the same.

Good luck though.....

My experiance was the same...giver and deal with it.

 

[james01]

We are soooo far off topic here.

I finally got up the guts to call her, and I had no idea what to say, so I asked her out to a movie, but she's busy tonight. I told her I'll call her tomorrow.

I hope she's not falling for me just because I gave her some money.
Am I doing the right thing? Should I go out with her?

Help!

 

[GaryWatson]

I think you miss the point.

If you like her & she likes you shag.

If you are asking about looks, she should dump you on the spot. She is too good for you.

What do you want? A friend who you have a special connection to? or a friend who you think is ugly but feel like the odd shag when you get drunk & consider it a safe option.

Sorry Babbs for the crudeness

 

[GaryWatson]

In English!!!

friendship starts from a mutual attraction. Non sexual.
Mistakes happen that way, non intentional.

To think you are too good for someone is shallow and insulting (remember the mutual friendship).

I think there was more to the story than the on/off relationship. Maybe more of a controlling downgrading guy, where his long term on/off cant get away from him.

So you agree we know you better than you do, want me to continue?

 

[james01]

Okay - I wasn't exactly saying that I wouldn't date her because she's fat. I was just saying that I'm not so attracted to her.

I CERTAINLY wouldn't shag her for kicks. I'm not that kind of person. If I'm with her, I'm with her.

The on-again off-again was her thing. I liked her, a lot. She just kept "needing space." I'm actually pretty sad that she broke up with me, which is another reason why I'm not sure I want to be with Tamtam - I don't want to use a friend for a rebound.

Most importantly, I don't want her to feel like she's "paying me back." She's a nice girl, really nice. I'm just not so attracted to her, and I'm not sure we have enough in common.

 

[GaryWatson]

Haha, I thought I would give you a hard time.

If you are not so attracted to her, maybe you should stay friends or you wont remain friends much longer.

It's unfair to date someone if you have to question her looks. Down the line it will have a bad effect on her confidence.

There's nothing wrong with not being physically attracted to someone, you just need to know where to draw the line or you will be hurting more than a long term friendship.

 

[zebedy]

they should rename this thread oprahmeister

 

[babs7262]

So it got derailed a little lol. As long as the OP doesnt mind right?

You know whats funny. Rich liked me more than a friend a lot earlier than I did him because I just thought he was too skinny (believe it or not). It took 2 years to give it a shot. I thought to myself, how could I not date him just because he's skinny when I got upset about people judging me because I wasnt? I was being such a hypocrite

We are married 9 years this September and on top of we dont have much in common other than that we love and respect and trust each other. The Today show had a Dr on about having things in common and the people who are married the longest have the least in common. If you are too much alike then things can get crazy.

Im not telling you to date or not to date her, but what Im saying is ...Dont overthink this too much. Go with the flow and stop secod guessing yourself. If it happens, it happens

 

[kakata]

My wife was.... .... was 100 pounds ago a nice, actually ,Very nice looking lady, that was 100 pounds ago.


James if you dont really like her....just continue to be a friend as you have been sofar....my 2 cents

 

[Jasminebed]

My two cents

You and Tamtam are friends, just leave it like that for now. She is in trouble, and may not see you for the white charger you are riding.

And for the on again, off again relationship, when a gal says she "needs a break" it means she is shopping around for someone better, but wants you to be available should it not work out, or she is lonely or horny.

I don't know how old you are, but if a relationship has too many breakups, it is not meant to be.

And just because you helped Tamtam out, you do not become personally responsible for her. Asking her "out" to a movie is kinda a date thing, and might be misinterpreted, unless it is something you already do regularly. A meal or a drink out gives more a chance to talk, and I thought that you asked another friend to check in as well was a great idea.

Again, just an old buttinsky, but I hope all find true love and happiness. And true friends and laughter are a great place to be as well.

 

[james01]

Thanks Jasminebed,

We ended up not going to the movies, as she had a rough day at work. We just talked on the phone for a while instead. We talked about the kiss and she said that she's not into it so much either, so all's well for now.

Thank you everyone for all your support especially as we've drifted more and more off topic.

 

[Darem1]

My two cents worth

I finally had a chance to read this thread. The best thing that happened to your friend (since she really cannot afford to gamble) is that she lost big the first time. Had she won, she might become addicted, but if she wasn't already and this was her first time gambling then I think she should be OK.
Probably learned her lesson. Hope so. Not attracted to her? Keep her as a friend. As far as lending her money, that was a nice thing to do. Just understand that a loan to a friend often becomes a gift. I've been there
(on the lending/gifting end.) As far as your on again off again relationship,
well, you will work that out for yourself. Good luck to you and your friend.