- Joined
- Aug 26, 2010
- Location
- Old bag lady with a laptop
Marriage
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You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say, talk in your sleep .
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a big gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.
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(oldie)
Big Boots
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A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
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Odds & Ends
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Caller Question
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The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know why men always want to marry a virgin?"
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
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Sarcastic Line of the Day:
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
--------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. (I know, face palm)
-----------------------------------------------
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
--------------------------------------
Question of the Day?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
------------------------------------------
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
--------------------------------------------
Sarcastic Comment:
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. OR
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But I may have to move it up if you keep complaining!
--------------
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say, talk in your sleep .
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a big gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.
----------------------------------------------------------
(oldie)
Big Boots
-------------
A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Odds & Ends
---------------------
-------------------------
Caller Question
-------------------------
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know why men always want to marry a virgin?"
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
------------------------------------------------------
Sarcastic Line of the Day:
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
--------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. (I know, face palm)
-----------------------------------------------
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
--------------------------------------
Question of the Day?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
------------------------------------------
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
--------------------------------------------
Sarcastic Comment:
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. OR
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But I may have to move it up if you keep complaining!
