The Remarkable CM Community Thread

[mina1929]

Well that has to be some sort of world record

Anyone remember the film franchise "Gone in 60 seconds"

Not quite that quick but FUMING doesn't even come close right now

Minimum stakes all the way across 3 games and an RTP lower than a snakes belly, its a run of sessions like this which brings out the RIGGED in me

no pass it on again sadly but I'll be back to run a comp if ever they take the clamps off my accounts

Thanks again @nikantw for the opportunity and sorry to let the team down.....again!

I don't know why you don't try Quickspin slots

 

[Jono777]

I bet I can name the slot provider you fed with the prize... lol

lol, probably

There were 3 slots in total, Just for a laugh, see if you can guess the actual games (one BTG, one Netent and one Novomatic)

 

[Jono777]

I don't know why you don't try Quickspin slots

ha ha ha, that will be the same day I quit for good

 

[mina1929]

ha ha ha, that will be the same day I quit for good

Sakura is good, Eastern Emeralds, Tigers Glory and the best one Spinions

I should be a Quickspin rep

 

[dionysus]

I think spinions is one of the biggest piles of poo and thats saying a lot for quickspin

 

[mina1929]

I think spinions is one of the biggest piles of poo and thats saying a lot for quickspin

I knew that would make people go

 

[Jono777]

Any slot that starts with 'Qu', ends in 'in' and has an anagram for puke in between is rubbish, says it all really

 

[mina1929]

Any slot that starts with 'Qu', ends in 'in' and has an anagram for puke in between is rubbish, says it all really

You know that BTG is my favourite provider along with Netent and Microgaming

Love your reaction when it comes to Quickspin

 

[Jono777]

You know that BTG is my favourite provider along with Netent and Microgaming

Love your reaction when it comes to Quickspin

Cheers lol. I should know better to react as I know it banter but I just cannot resist lol

 

[mariafbb]

Let's keep the thread alive

Question: Tell us a joke

The most liked answer will get 25€ ( Neteller preferably).

Rules : - must have 50+ posts
- a member can only like/vote one response and can't vote his/hers answer
- if there is a tie I will choose the winner
- the comp is open for 24 hours ( 8 AM my time ) when I will check the votes .

ah and do you guys know what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
-Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

 

[TheAverageGuy]

Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares the $h!t out of the dogs!

 

[Glassheart]

Im straight

 

[mariafbb]

Im straight

 

[Scott1baird]

Let's keep the thread alive

Question: Tell us a joke

The most liked answer will get 25€ ( Neteller preferably).

Rules : - must have 50+ posts
- a member can only like/vote one response and can't vote his/hers answer
- if there is a tie I will choose the winner
- the comp is open for 24 hours ( 8 AM my time ) when I will check the votes .

ah and do you guys know what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
-Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

Got fired yesterday for sleeping with a client, ten years I had worked, never off sick, never late, always on time, best damn mortician they ever had.

 

[Scott1baird]

@nikantw money received and ty, tried at Ladbrokes on zee bonanza gotta say even at 40p stakes it lasted well over two hours but alas I failed. highest x win was 50x but god that game is like the energiser bunny for slots, yeah it last longer than any other slot out there but eventually even that runs out.

 

[Scott1baird]

I don't want to be rude, but wasn't it "Reel 1 position 1 reel 2 position 2?

Yes it was meaning I got one correct answer. The prize was for the bonanza x win.

 

[Reelsoffun]

Ok @mariafbb Bit of a long one but....stay with me I think its good,

A man and his girlfriend were walking round the countryside when they stumble across an old pub, having ordered a drink they head out to the beer garden and notice a pen at the bottom with a sign that reads "If you can make the donkey laugh, you will get drinks and a meal for two on the house"

So the bloke goes up to the donkey and whispers in its ear and very shortly after the donkey is laughing hysterically!

The pub landlord is amazed and says "in all the years I have been here no one has made the donkey laugh, you may order drinks and food on the house!"

They have a fantastic free meal and drinks and go on their way.

A few weeks later they are out walking again and he says to his girlfriend "hey lets go back to that pub and get a free meal and drink!" so off they go.

They go straight out to the beer garden to make the donkey laugh, but the sign has been changed! It now reads "If you can make the donkey cry, you will get drinks and a meal for two on the house!"

The man goes down to the donkey and within a minute the donkey is crying its eyes out. The landlord comes out and says " Wow I dont believe it, hes never done that before, well as promised your drinks and meals are on the house, again! But please, please tell me how???

The man says it really was quite simple,

The first visit I told the donkey I had a bigger cock than he did, which made him laugh.

The second time, I just had to show him.

 

[Chipkin9]

A guy is walking down the street and sees a girl with the most perfect breasts he's ever seen. He jogs up to her and begs, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?”

“Don't be ridiculous?!” – she says and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

“Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” – he requests again.

“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?, now go away!”

So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.

“Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?”

She thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmm, $10,000 dollars, you really are that desperate eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that
dark alley over there.”

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as
he sees them his face lights up, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, and
burying his face in them..

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?”

“Nah”, he replies. “It's too expensive…”

 

[colinsunderland]

Quick one

Feel so insulted right now,
my new girlfriend just told me I am sh*t in bed !!

Really don't know how she can come to that conclusion after less than a minute


and a longer one

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

 

[GoldenGhoul]

I know - I'm crap with jokes

 

[Jono777]

Not that bad after all , the "daft" or "groan" sort of jokes are just my SOH lol.

...hence the reason I won't be entering this one

 

[Scott1baird]

A fish is swimming in a river when it sees a fly above. The fish thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches I could jump up and have some lunch."

Well on the bank of the river is a bear. The bear sees the fish and the fly and thinks to itself "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water and I can stick my paw out, catch the fish, and I could have some lunch."

Up a ways on an elevated bluff sits a hunter. This hunter sees the fly, the fish, and the bear and thinks to himself, "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water, that bear will stick it's paw out to catch the fish giving me a clear shot, and I could have some lunch"

In the bushes next to the hunter sits a field mouse. The mouse sees the fly, the fish, the bear, and the hunter and thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water, that bear will stick it's paw out to catch the fish giving that hunter a clear shot, at which point he'll drop his sandwich, and I could have some lunch"

Well up just a bit higher from the hunter and a mouse sits a mountain lion. Now the mountain lion sees the fly, the fish, the bear, the hunter, and the mouse and thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water, that bear will stick it's paw out to catch the fish giving that hunter a clear shot, at which point he'll drop his sandwich and the mouse will jump out the bushes allowing me to pounce on it, and I could have some lunch"

Sure enough the fly drops six inches at which point the fish jumps up to catch the fly, the bear steps forward to catch the fish, the hunter drops his sandwich to shoot the bear, the mouse jumps out of the bushes to eat the sandwich, and the mountain lion jumps off its perch to eat the mouse. Except the mountain lion misses and goes tumbling down the hill into the river.

The moral of this story is: Every time a fly drops six inches a pussy is bound to get wet.

 

[mariafbb]

Not that bad after all , the "daft" or "groan" sort of jokes are just my SOH lol.

...hence the reason I won't be entering this one

oh come on Jono you dont know any joke ?

 

[Jono777]

oh come on Jono you dont know any joke ?

I know a handful, sadly none of which I think the members will find funny. Plus I won the last 2 comps so despite my losing streak, feeling a bit guilty and want to give others a chance lol

 

[Chipkin9]

I know a handful, sadly none of which I think the members will find funny. Plus I won the last 2 comps so despite my losing streak, feeling a bit guilty and want to give others a chance lol

Come on now Jono, you're a funny guy...if you think you're not, then you think no one has laughed at anything you've said before; in which case you have nothing to lose

And forget about feeling guilty....just buy booze with the winnings and let it all fade away