As a rule of thumb for socialising with people you shouldn't say anything negative about their friends, family, or lovers. The reasons for this should be obvious.
Even if they themselves are saying negative things about their friends, family, or lovers; don't join in.
So far, it's pretty straight forward but some people are, for unknown reasons, using the word "friend" to mean some infinitesimal acquaintance. E.g. saw him in the street and said hello once or twice 20 years ago. That's what they consider as a friend!
And they are giving the full privileges of friendship to these people. Like; "You don't dare say anything negative about my friends or I'll..."
What this means is: If you say anything negative about anyone, people will take offence because they basically consider everyone their friend even if they don't know them from Adam. That's really what's going on.
So, it's either; you do it or you don't, if you do, you are going to offend some section of the population.
I'm seriously considering becoming non-specific to stop the problem. If you just say; I know this person, without naming names you might be able to get your point across and avoid problems.
There's another problem I've identified while socialising as well: different value systems.
For example: Would you consider it terribly wrong for someone who is 18 to be dating a 16 year old?
Some people consider it practically child abuse. And a problem arises if you don't consider it as child abuse.
You say something like: "So and so is 18 and dating a 16 year old." And of course, the other person gets angry because you are accusing their infinitesimal acquaintance (friend???) of child abuse.
But I think not naming names will avoid the "different value system" problem as well.
Comments are appreciated
Even if they themselves are saying negative things about their friends, family, or lovers; don't join in.
So far, it's pretty straight forward but some people are, for unknown reasons, using the word "friend" to mean some infinitesimal acquaintance. E.g. saw him in the street and said hello once or twice 20 years ago. That's what they consider as a friend!
And they are giving the full privileges of friendship to these people. Like; "You don't dare say anything negative about my friends or I'll..."
What this means is: If you say anything negative about anyone, people will take offence because they basically consider everyone their friend even if they don't know them from Adam. That's really what's going on.
So, it's either; you do it or you don't, if you do, you are going to offend some section of the population.
I'm seriously considering becoming non-specific to stop the problem. If you just say; I know this person, without naming names you might be able to get your point across and avoid problems.
There's another problem I've identified while socialising as well: different value systems.
For example: Would you consider it terribly wrong for someone who is 18 to be dating a 16 year old?
Some people consider it practically child abuse. And a problem arises if you don't consider it as child abuse.
You say something like: "So and so is 18 and dating a 16 year old." And of course, the other person gets angry because you are accusing their infinitesimal acquaintance (friend???) of child abuse.
But I think not naming names will avoid the "different value system" problem as well.
Comments are appreciated
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