Rude? Arrogant? Who cares?

[ladyhawke]

Shoulda done a poll, I guess. Anyhows....

Many CM members are very active, contributing incredibly useful information in the threads they partake in. And it is these contributions that make CM the site it is.

BUT... during my time as a CM member, I have noticed a disturbing trend among some posters.

And that is....some of those self-same posters rarely acknowledge anyone who thanks their posts, quotes their posts, uses those posts as a springboard to introduce new facts, etc.

Instead, they will often quote other posts to continue their useful contribution, but again, never thank the original source of their quotes.

They simply don't seem to be interested in actually giving credit where credit is due. Rather, sometimes it can seem like a one-way street of discussions - as if their opinion and contribution is the only comment worthy of being thanked.

Is this attitude arrogant? Bad mannered? Rude? Thoughtless?

Or doesn't it irritate everyone the way it does me?

Rant over.

 

[lockinlove]

I liked your post in case you meant me.

For me I forget or im busy when responding and reading. Im usually at work, paper work phone calls, lunch, clients, lawyers etc. I read a post I agree with it in my mind and move on. Alot of people use this forum when at work or doing things I would think and just try to get to the important stuff right away. And for the like or thank part of the posts, some people just do not like it, its too facebookish.

Maybe some people are arrogant and that's fine because that's a terrible personality trait anywhere. Maybe some people think they are too cool or more important and everyone is beneath them. Well have fun being miserable is all I would say to that.

I wouldnt be too worried about it anyways.

 

[The Dude]

It's not so much the forum, it is really life in general on a global scale. What you might find rude or arrogant could just be the way some people may come across - lest we forget that this forum, English speaking as it may be, is about 50% non-native speakers.
They miss nuances, expectations, and other signals that others may expect.

Take for instance Germans. They are known for their directness. You may be at a gathering, perhaps a little under the weather, or maybe just had a bad day - and a German would say, "What is the matter with you? You look sick and pale." Because that is the truth, and they want to know if you're ok. An American would beat around the bush and say something like, "Are you feeling alright? Can I get you something?" It's just the way different cultures communicate.

You're going to get it here too.

As for "thanking", "liking" etc., people may not be aware of these functions - or perhaps they are in hurry, or maybe they just want information quickly because they are on a losing streak, need a bonus real bad, or just don't know.

 

[slotter999]

It's not so much the forum, it is really life in general on a global scale. What you might find rude or arrogant could just be the way some people may come across - lest we forget that this forum, English speaking as it may be, is about 50% non-native speakers.
They miss nuances, expectations, and other signals that others may expect.

Take for instance Germans. They are known for their directness. You may be at a gathering, perhaps a little under the weather, or maybe just had a bad day - and a German would say, "What is the matter with you? You look sick and pale." Because that is the truth, and they want to know if you're ok. An American would beat around the bush and say something like, "Are you feeling alright? Can I get you something?" It's just the way different cultures communicate.

You're going to get it here too.

As for "thanking", "liking" etc., people may not be aware of these functions - or perhaps they are in hurry, or maybe they just want information quickly because they are on a losing streak, need a bonus real bad, or just don't know.

There is a great TED talk by a professor called Fons Trompenaars on culture and diversity which is a great watch.

One of the things which always makes me smile is the fact that context is so important when dealing with the British - what we say is not necessarily what we mean He also discusses German culture which is what your post reminded me of.

It's a good watch - highly recommend:-

 

[geordiecolin]

I only clicked "like" on the above video because I am pretending to understand it all and I wish to be polite

 

[bebo67]

I try to be mindful and thank people, but we are all prone to forgetting. Don't take it personally ( I know, it's hard sometimes). And if the thread gets very long, it will usually get derailed and most forget what the op posted.

 

[Jono777]

Could not agree more.

Have been 'tolerating' the "Hang on I said that 2 pages back but got no thanks, how come....?" for years.

Little 'niggles' far outweighed by some fantastic positives some help to overcome this matters which when digested fully are really nothing.

 

[Alfran]

Hmm.. interesting. I never expect to be thanked for liking a post.
But of course will answer or thanks those posted replies.

 

[TheAddict]

There is one person here who comes across as rude to me, and seemingly only here for one purpose and one purpose only (which is fine in itself, but to never make comments for anything other than to have a dig at people if they in any way get in the way of the reason he uses this site, and to never respond back when anyone replies to his comments, makes me seriously cringe ).

For that reason i use my power level to the upmost limit possible, and no longer like his comments or take a moment to waste time to respond to them.
feel my power baby! roaaaar,

 

[dionysus]

I
Take for instance Germans. They are known for their directness. You may be at a gathering, perhaps a little under the weather, or maybe just had a bad day - and a German would say, "What is the matter with you? You look sick and pale." Because that is the truth, and they want to know if you're ok. An American would beat around the bush and say something like, "Are you feeling alright? Can I get you something?" It's just the way different cultures communicate.
.

Go to the far end of the spectrum and you have a Canadian, where youre circling your hand in a 'get to it, already' motion, while they go through the preamble of 'sorry, excuse me, hope you dont mind, I don't mean to be rude, but is it ok if I ask if'....

 

[Borgie]

Sometimes I find people can post in an aggressive or OTT way and I think hmm you are rude. Other times I think it's just directness and a zeal to post what they see as facts.

But you know what I find worse are those that think they are always right and call people out like they are a child and give the impression that they are a little bit more important than others. They make a passive aggressive comment and often end it with posting a smiley face like that makes it all ok!.

I often forget to like posts though i admit.

 

[Chipkin9]

Reminds me of a saying to be nice to people who are rude to you as you have no idea how shit thier day has been or who has been an asshole to them.

Just smile back and ignore it. Easier said than done mind you

 

[Jono777]

Reminds me of a saying to be nice to people who are rude to you as you have no idea how shit thier day has been or who has been an asshole to them.

Just smile back and ignore it. Easier said than done mind you

Thing is I've had more than my fair share of totally wank days but never dream of taking it out on anyone on here, nor changing my usual selfless and intelligent posting style

 

[Chipkin9]

Thing is I've had more than my fair share of totally wank days but never dream of taking it out on anyone on here, nor changing my usual selfless and intelligent posting style

Yea same. People are just better than others at dealing with crap or negativity. Others are just emotional vampires trying to suck the positive energy out of you and make you as miserable as them

 

[cncas2123]

And what we also must remember is some people don’t mean to be rude but simply miss out a word or two in their post which changes the context completely.
I receive emails almost daily from people who aren’t in the slightest rude but the emails can come across that way simply through the way the mail is written and punctuated, and I know they don’t mean it to rude.

 

[ladyhawke]

Just to clarify - it's not the actual content of the posts, but the lack of acknowledgement afforded by the poster to anyone who then quotes that post, using it as a springboard to introduce new questions/directions etc.

I liked your post in case you meant me.

Actually - no. Also, not looking for thanks here - I am an observer more than a participant, so just ranting about something I have noticed and that has been bothering me for ages.

For me I forget or im busy when responding and reading. Im usually at work, paper work phone calls, lunch, clients, lawyers etc. I read a post I agree with it in my mind and move on. Alot of people use this forum when at work or doing things I would think and just try to get to the important stuff right away.

Fair points.

And for the like or thank part of the posts, some people just do not like it, its too facebookish..

Isn't the whole point of the thanks button to let the poster know that their post has been appreciated due to its content? Remove that and the forum just becomes a stream of dispassionate information - an information highway, rather than an active community.

...Maybe some people are arrogant and that's fine because that's a terrible personality trait anywhere. Maybe some people think they are too cool or more important and everyone is beneath them. Well have fun being miserable is all I would say to that.

I wouldnt be too worried about it anyways.

I try to be mindful and thank people, but we are all prone to forgetting. Don't take it personally ( I know, it's hard sometimes).

Too cool for school, eh? The problem is - I get really annoyed on other people's behalf - even if they don't care - but you are both so right. Too many other things to worry about.

I only clicked "like" on the above video because I am pretending to understand it all and I wish to be polite

Could not agree more.

Have been 'tolerating' the "Hang on I said that 2 pages back but got no thanks, how come....?" for years.

Little 'niggles' far outweighed by some fantastic positives some help to overcome this matters which when digested fully are really nothing.

I have antacids on 24 hour callout, trust me!

There is one person here who comes across as rude to me, and seemingly only here for one purpose and one purpose only (which is fine in itself, but to never make comments for anything other than to have a dig at people if they in any way get in the way of the reason he uses this site, and to never respond back when anyone replies to his comments, makes me seriously cringe ).

For that reason i use my power level to the upmost limit possible, and no longer like his comments or take a moment to waste time to respond to them.
feel my power baby! roaaaar,

Oh dear. My report card probably reads: Must try harder!

However, I agree with the sentiment - can even guess at a poster - or two - who fits that criteria.

...I often forget to like posts though i admit.

Busted! Wait until I find a spare 'Go to jail' card!

Although I wasn't actually aiming my bazooka in your direction, either.

 

[bamberfishcake]

Find cultural differences fascinating. Let's not forget that every language, even 'chav', has a word for please and thank you. Manners are found across all cultures but some people are just dragged up, I blame the parents but don't let it bother me. Only yesterday I had an enquiry for a jacket I was selling for £35. The guy messaged this '£25 I'll collect tomorrow' I replied 'sorry, was that a question or a statement? Lol' and he replied 'let me know'. I would have happily let it go for £25 but not to him following his approach. Bad manners get bad results in my experience.

 

[goatwack]

In this and any age, there will always be d***s. Only thing to do with rude simpletons is to point and mock them