I may have a go myself.
My budgerigar had just passed away and having not received my Universal Credit I was on my uppers. I had just come back from the food bank with 2 tins of baked beans and nothing to heat them with as the utilities had been cut off, after peeling the eviction notice from my front door. All alone I sat there and tuned on my phone which was on the last bar of battery. I checked my inbox and noticed I had a 50% bonus at XXX casino waiting for me. I invested my last £10 and proceeded to play Mega Moolah at 50p spins. With £1.42 left in my balance, the screen changed and a big wheel appeared. I gasped as it landed on the white segment and @Mega Jackpot you won £11,874,256.76 appeared. I sat there in total shock, not even feeling the broken spring on my settee sticking up my ass. I carefully jumped up to ensure the spring exited as painlessly as possible then jumped around the tiny dark room, screaming.
Within 5 minutes the Police and ambulance services were attending having been called by the only neighbour I have who's not high on crack or pissed. They left me, satisfied I was somewhat short of the requirement for compulsory sectioning. I now live in a mortgage-free Georgian mansion with a new Range Rover on the drive, even though I haven't got a license. Thanks so much C***** R******, your bonus changed my life forever as without it I would have bust before that magical spin!
(Coming soon to a social media page near you)