Move over Roulette dude...

Bruno712

Banned User
Joined
Mar 15, 2004
Location
Boston, MA
In light of what we just saw in Vegas over the weekend, I have decided to go the Roulette goon one better in the hope that some reputable (or not) wagering hole will offer me a gig. As of noon today EDT and in the hope of recouping some of my losses due to a 20 year investment gone bad, I will be auctioning off my eldest daughter on Ebay and I will be using the proceeds from the sale to let it all ride on one hand of Black Jack. The Ebay ad will look something like this

For sale, one 20 year old, blonde haired, green eyed female.
Qualifications: Blonde Hair, Green Eyes
Skills: Extremely efficient in the use of the pronouns I, my, me, mine. Also well versed
In confusing the words want and need. Does not do floors, dishes, toilets or
Windows. Hasnt the slightest clue how to vacuum or polish. Is clueless in the
Proper use of a washing machine, clothes dryer or iron. Is, however, very adept at
Using a hair dryer to its ultimate demise, the application of mascara and eye
Shadow. Her greatest skill is the ability to spend money, especially that money
She does not earn. She has been known to actually burn out cell phones. Holds
The North American record for most words spoken about herself without the
Faintest hint of a breath.
Education: Has attended the best private schools where she apparently learned the above
Skills.

Minimum Bid: $250,000 USD which is about the amount I have spent on her up to this point.


Yes, I know, there is a problem with this. What if proper Wizard of Odds strategy requires that I split or double? Not a problem. I got 3 more of em.


For sale, one 18 year old blonde haired, green eyed female
 

Clayman

Dormant account
Joined
Mar 12, 2004
Location
Pennsylvania, USA
Bruno712 said:
in the hope of recouping some of my losses due to a 20 year investment gone bad,
Pretty funny Bruno. Tough being a parent. But you can't auction her now - she has to finish college and grad school before she marries (you pay for that too) a lawyer and settles into being a housewife.
 

hhcfreebie

Dormant account
Joined
Feb 22, 2003
Location
USA
Sadly, your starting bid is way too high. Most people would rather rent one for much less. :p
Do you have a money back guarantee? How about free shipping and handling? Better yet, can I exchange the merchandise if it's flawed?
 

jetset

RIP Brian
CAG
Joined
Feb 22, 2001
Location
Earth
LMAO! Brother, are you in all sorts of trouble if your womenfolk ever see this!!

I'll bet most fathers who have survived the teenaged daughter syndrome will identify in some way with Bruno's tribulations. It does get better from now on though, as these Daddy's girls grow up and become useful and far more lovable citizens.....
 

sw2003

Dormant account
Joined
Apr 25, 2004
Location
somewhere :)
hhcfreebie said:
Sadly, your starting bid is way too high. Most people would rather rent one for much less. :p
Do you have a money back guarantee? How about free shipping and handling? Better yet, can I exchange the merchandise if it's flawed?
The product will drive itself ... errr ... em .... herself to your delivery
location, no problem. Yes in case of defect, you can exchange for a nearly
identical product. The guy did say he had three, didn't he?
 

gfkostas

Ex-Bonus Whore
Joined
Sep 3, 2003
Location
UK
Can I bid through paypal? Also is a :xxx <test-drive> :xxx a possibility so I can be sure that the merchandise is as stated? :D :D

Please dispatch the merchandise to this address:

John Bon
223 huxley gardens
London
SW92 0ZD
UK

Upon receive of the item I will test it as soon at it comes out from the box so no delay will occur.Once approved i'll dispatch you a cheque in a timely fashion :lolup: :lolup: :lolup:

Regards
 

jpm

Dormant account
Joined
Mar 29, 2002
I'm guessing there's a restocking fee in the event the package is opened or otherwise tampered with. ;)
 

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