weesie
Ueber Meister
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2010
- Location
- Old bag lady with a laptop
Confucius Says:
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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there..
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
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Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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Watch My Cat
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A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.
Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?
Brother 2: He's Dead
Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in 3 days. You could of broke me to the news easier.
You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, "Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down."
Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, "The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground."
Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that was insensitive I won't let it happen again.
Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?
Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down.
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Intruder
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A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.'
'scripture?' replied the burglar 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!'
-------------------------
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there..
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
----------------------------------
Watch My Cat
------------------
A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.
Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?
Brother 2: He's Dead
Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in 3 days. You could of broke me to the news easier.
You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, "Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down."
Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, "The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground."
Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that was insensitive I won't let it happen again.
Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?
Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down.
------------------------------
Intruder
--------------
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.'
'scripture?' replied the burglar 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!'
