- Joined
- Aug 26, 2010
- Location
- Old bag lady with a laptop
Pregnancy Q&A
----------------------
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method of determining the baby's sex?
A: Childbirth
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that she is borderline irrational.
A: What is your question?
Q: My childbirth coach says it is not pain you feel during childbirth but pressure. Is she correct?
A: Yes, in the same way a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason that I should be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovery after childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. How soon until my wife starts feeling and acting normal again?
A: About the time the child finishes college.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Best Friend
--------------
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whiskey in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
--------------------------------------
Mechanic
--------------
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running"
-----------------------------------------
It's Hump Day.............. commence humping!
----------------------
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method of determining the baby's sex?
A: Childbirth
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that she is borderline irrational.
A: What is your question?
Q: My childbirth coach says it is not pain you feel during childbirth but pressure. Is she correct?
A: Yes, in the same way a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason that I should be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovery after childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. How soon until my wife starts feeling and acting normal again?
A: About the time the child finishes college.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Best Friend
--------------
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whiskey in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
--------------------------------------
Mechanic
--------------
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running"
-----------------------------------------
It's Hump Day.............. commence humping!
