neon claws
Non-Gambler
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2020
- Location
- Australia
You're sitting on the crapper one evening trying to hit a 740,000x on no limits' latest masterpiece, tuning out the screaming wife and kids in the background when a noxious green gas starts wafting out of the can which in itself isn't that unusual, but somewhat unusually it solidifies into a magical genie.
He's kinda out of shape, looks a bit like John Candy wearing board shorts, it's pretty cramped in here now but you're already thinking your first wish; that you hadn't drank so much, and taken so many painkillers, and sleeping tablets.
"Oi," he says
"I'm a magical fucken' genie"
"Oh" you say dumbly
"Well then I wish I..."
"Not that kind, dickhead" he interrupts-
"I'm the sort that offers you a very specific type of wish that backfires and makes you think about your life choices and shit"
"Oh" you say dumbly
"Yeah" he says
...
"So..." he says, spying the phone in your hand that you're still spinning away on-
"You like gambling huh?"
You nod, dumbly.
"Well oh boy do I have an offer for you; I'll go back in time and undo every spin you've ever made, make it as though you'd never gambled and instead you get to spin it all on one Super Spin, so that's a $714,459.20 spin on, oh I dunno- Spinions Beach Party"
You nod your head in acceptance almost immediately, a chance at a huge win is better than how much you've won otherwise ($0, although there was that time you won $9,000, even if you did lose it all in the next two days that was a fun night).
"So be it," he says and begins to chant;
"Reels spinning round and round, a magic wish granted true, turn this stupid loser with his big dumb grin into someone who can win"
"Hey.." you begin, but suddenly you're sitting on a much nicer toilet; it has buttons on it and the seat is warm, you don't have a beer gut, your phone isn't playing a slot but rather showing your bank account with a balance of $714,459.20CR.
"Darling" your wife calls out, she hasn't called you that in years "are you almost ready to go? The ballet starts in fifteen minutes"
"Ok, coming" you mumble, pulling your pants up- they're really nice pants.
You step out into an enormous hallway and your wife is there with what appears to be your kids but they're standing quietly and dressed nicely, not covered in filth and screaming, and your wife! you do a double-take; she looks like a million bucks- not tired, haggard and a little overweight but wearing makeup, and smiling!
She gives you a kiss on the cheek as you walk past her into your study, which is larger than your old lounge and dining room combined, and sit down at the computer.
You fire up videoslots.com and log into your account, 0xp points, you click deposit.. maximum deposit amount $5,000.. you click deposit again and do another $5,000 deposit.. you click deposit again.. your wife walks in "What are you doing Darling? The ballet starts soon, my parents are here to watch the children" her parents haven't talked to you in years... You click deposit again, your wife looks at the screen "Darling? What..." You click deposit again.. you hear your two children outside: "Grandma, Grandpa!" You click deposit again.. her parents walk into the room "Get out!" you scream, pushing them into the hallway and locking the door, you click deposit again..
By the time you've deposited $5,000 142 times and $4,459.20 once everyone outside is banging on the door, you can hear your wife calling the police and your kids wailing but your balance is a healthy $714,459.20.
Live chat messages you and offers a 25% bonus.
You load Spinions Beach Party.
He's kinda out of shape, looks a bit like John Candy wearing board shorts, it's pretty cramped in here now but you're already thinking your first wish; that you hadn't drank so much, and taken so many painkillers, and sleeping tablets.
"Oi," he says
"I'm a magical fucken' genie"
"Oh" you say dumbly
"Well then I wish I..."
"Not that kind, dickhead" he interrupts-
"I'm the sort that offers you a very specific type of wish that backfires and makes you think about your life choices and shit"
"Oh" you say dumbly
"Yeah" he says
...
"So..." he says, spying the phone in your hand that you're still spinning away on-
"You like gambling huh?"
You nod, dumbly.
"Well oh boy do I have an offer for you; I'll go back in time and undo every spin you've ever made, make it as though you'd never gambled and instead you get to spin it all on one Super Spin, so that's a $714,459.20 spin on, oh I dunno- Spinions Beach Party"
You nod your head in acceptance almost immediately, a chance at a huge win is better than how much you've won otherwise ($0, although there was that time you won $9,000, even if you did lose it all in the next two days that was a fun night).
"So be it," he says and begins to chant;
"Reels spinning round and round, a magic wish granted true, turn this stupid loser with his big dumb grin into someone who can win"
"Hey.." you begin, but suddenly you're sitting on a much nicer toilet; it has buttons on it and the seat is warm, you don't have a beer gut, your phone isn't playing a slot but rather showing your bank account with a balance of $714,459.20CR.
"Darling" your wife calls out, she hasn't called you that in years "are you almost ready to go? The ballet starts in fifteen minutes"
"Ok, coming" you mumble, pulling your pants up- they're really nice pants.
You step out into an enormous hallway and your wife is there with what appears to be your kids but they're standing quietly and dressed nicely, not covered in filth and screaming, and your wife! you do a double-take; she looks like a million bucks- not tired, haggard and a little overweight but wearing makeup, and smiling!
She gives you a kiss on the cheek as you walk past her into your study, which is larger than your old lounge and dining room combined, and sit down at the computer.
You fire up videoslots.com and log into your account, 0xp points, you click deposit.. maximum deposit amount $5,000.. you click deposit again and do another $5,000 deposit.. you click deposit again.. your wife walks in "What are you doing Darling? The ballet starts soon, my parents are here to watch the children" her parents haven't talked to you in years... You click deposit again, your wife looks at the screen "Darling? What..." You click deposit again.. you hear your two children outside: "Grandma, Grandpa!" You click deposit again.. her parents walk into the room "Get out!" you scream, pushing them into the hallway and locking the door, you click deposit again..
By the time you've deposited $5,000 142 times and $4,459.20 once everyone outside is banging on the door, you can hear your wife calling the police and your kids wailing but your balance is a healthy $714,459.20.
Live chat messages you and offers a 25% bonus.
You load Spinions Beach Party.
Last edited:
