First one is a last-spin saviour if I ever saw one...
LAST SPIN NO WIN!!! Or so someone once told us.....can't remember who it was that said that.
Oh hold on.....things are coming back to me
It was some geezer.....old.....at least Arthur Century old.....and uhm.....oh yeah, he was DEFINITELY one of those from the "better out than in" school of thought, given his propensity to burp and fart almost on command.
Clearly a fan of baked beans and bran flakes. And also egg, unfortunately.
Man did he do some humdingers in his day.
I mean the sort that could empty a room in seconds, due to it being a public health hazard.
They don't make 'em like Armitage Shanks anymore, let me tell you.
That stuff could endure foul, smelling stenches that you wouldn't even fucking dare to believe....
Anyhow, this ability he had was so great, he REALLY should have entered the UK Rectum Of The Year competition.
Might have given Fearne Cotton and Sean Lock a run for their money....and maybe even Diego Maradona, if he had won the UK competition to qualify for the Worlds in Cancun.
What am I talking about? He'd have fucking bodybagged the lot of them.
AND set off all the sprinklers to boot.
It would have been a scene of absolute carnage, so it would.
But I digress. Other things are coming back to me.
Jack, Queen, King. Jack, Queen, King.
Fucking bogus wilds. Oh look, another bogus wild above reel 2, FACKOFF!!
NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
First spin...DEAD SPIN! Eleven spins to go. The feature is fucked already....DOOMED!!!
HELLO VIEWERS!!!!!
That feature was faecal, execrable, a proper fisting, you fuckpig, you bastard, you FUCKING RAPING ORANGE BASTID!!!
What you want, you annoying little furball. FACK ORFFFF!!
OHHHHHH THE FEATURE HAS COME IN!!! IT'S COME IN!!!! WOULD. YOU. BE. LIEVE. IT?*
'Ang on, I gotta roll a fag before I start the feature. Right, let's go.
* Well...yes I would actually, because for all his incessant, histrionic whining (which made him look even less mature than Kevin The Teenager), he was SUUUUUUUCHHHHHHH A SPAWNY TWAT.
CLEARLY ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW WITH THE AFFILIATE RTP. NO TINFOIL HAT REQUIRED.
I'm sorry, what was the question again?