You're not quoting from the King James Bible, I know that much.
Whilst you may not think it important, it kind of is. You see, each translation is like Chinese whispers - yet you all still believe it to be the word of God.
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Oh, you worked out
I think Christians are retarded, did you? Bravo. However did you put that complex jigsaw puzzle together? Well done, Sherlock! Nothing gets past you, does it.
The beautiful thing about the Bible (for Christians anyway), is that if the book was a man, he would be more conflicted than a Catholic priest getting a blowjob from a choirboy. Oops, that was a cheap shot. Mark it down for one of the 1 million innocents who will now be born HIV-positive as a result of the Pope's recent visit to Africa and his need to express his stupidity by telling a continent (which is both ravaged by AIDS and predominantly Catholic) that using condoms is a sin.
But of course, as a God-fearing, Bible-reading (you can read, yes?) man...you already know that Africa is cursed because Ham buggered his father in the buttocks one night.
Imagine if you're a Medicine Sans Borders doctor who, after 12 years of med school, has decided to dedicate his or her life to assisting Africa's forgotten poor. Then, after a long day dishing out anti-retroviral drugs to toddlers and children who were born with HIV, you see the Pope telling 1 billion Catholics that the use of condoms is a sin. There goes your life's work....multiplied by oh 3,000,000.
Back to the Bible being beautiful for Christians - it's because you can find a quote in it for everything.
Want quotes justifying slavery? They're in there.
Want quotes justifying slaughtering homosexuals? They're in there.
Want quotes where the God you worship sentences the UNBORN future descendants of a man to slavery for eternity. (Genesis 9:18-27) The man (Ham) raped his father whilst the old man was passed out. UNBORN descendants. This is a loving God, yes? Logical, hell yes! Lets lock up all future descendants of murderers and rapists. It's God's logic - don't fight it, you heathen.
Want quotes where God makes a prop bet with Satan over whether a guy loves him enough? Satan takes the prop bet, God RUINS the guys life (kills his wives and children). Job, covered in boils and desolate, still loves God. God wins the prop bet. Knock one up for Good vs Evil. Hey, don't get me wrong - God gives Job NEW wives and children. Cause that is really important when your wives and children have been slaughtered purely to win a wager - all you really want is new ones. I love happy endings!
Want a story (repeated multiple times) where Jesus burns a fig tree to the ground? The fig tree's crime? It didn't bear figs. Don't fuck with Jesus, he'll fuck you up (lesson learned by the fig tree).
But no, here I am being petty talking about this one time Jesus lost his temper at a fig tree and ignoring all the great stuff he did. Like turn the water into wine. Damn, what a champion! Personally, I would have turned it into Pasteurized milk or something myself, saving hundreds of thousands of future lives, but wine is cool. People got drunk that night! Whooo PARTY!
Cute West Wing clip where Bartlett crushes a stupid religious radio moron below:
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I've had this debate with people far smarter than you, and it's a debate almost too retarded to have.
You see, if you're so stupid you believe in a Book without reading it - you're a little bit mindlessly retarded, correct? And if you've read the Bible (hell, just read the Book of Job, you lazy Philistine) and you still believe in the concept of a "loving God" - you're a bit mindlessly retarded, correct?
So when you argue with
a retarded person, the conversation generally goes like this:
Non-moron: Wit, brilliance, simple logic.
Christian moron: a'jsdfkjsdkfj j jibbber jabber kljsadlf'j/kjf moronic stupidity ajdksfj
Non-moron: Wit, brilliance, simple logic.
Christian moron: askdf/afjaj Jesus Saves l/ajwsf/sj I'm retardo.
Non-moron: Ok. I really must go. Thanks for the chat.
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So let's just cut right to the end.
Ok. I really must go. Thanks for the chat.
(Edit: Baptist right-wing voter quoting "He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone" = Irony level infinity [on a scale of 1-10] - I would immediately tag it as a very poor attempt at a level, but unfortunately I have met Christians. Logic is not strong with your kind. Hypocrisy on the other hand....keep locking up those evil pot smokers. You're doing God's work!)