Help needed.

[vinylweatherman]

There is someone here who will not do any chores around the house.

I have started saying that she is "about as useful as a concrete parachute".

Sadly, I have had to overuse this because she STILL will not do even the slightest thing to help.

I am after alternative suggestions.

I have already found:-

"about as useful as a chocolate teapot"
"about as useful as blusher on a monkey's backside"

She is sitting next to me now, squealing with outrage whilst I am typing, yet STILL refuses to do ANY chores whatsoever.

 

[vegetagirl2008]

I got one:

About as useful as a pen with no ink.

Are you talking about your daughter? LOL..

 

[Krasa]

Hmmm....

As useful as a needle to a baloon?

Or rollerblades to a snail?

But it is not nice to say such things to her... Nobody wants to do chores, that's why they're called chores.

 

[pinkfloyd]

as tits on a bull

 

[same_old]

your as useful as tits on a bull

"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest

As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

 

[LaurieJim]

as tits on a bull

And i thought we only said that in the South

Laurie

 

[same_old]

as tits on a bull

LOL- yep thats the main one us Aussie's use isnt it PlnkFloyd..

my favorite saying by far is " your as tight as a frogs asshole- and thats water tight.

 

[same_old]

And i thought we only said that in the South

Laurie

Haha!!- the good ole south says it as well hey. it's a good one I have to say, really gets the point across.

 

[LaurieJim]

Haha!!- the good ole south says it as well hey. it's a good one I have to say, really gets the point across.

"He or she has molasses in their britches" - means they are lazy

 

[slotplayer]

what are you an ornament?

 

[skiny]

I've always let my kids do pretty much whatever they wanted but I'd make sure they learned from it.

Some examples would be like after having chili one night my daughter said she hated doing dishes. I guess she was about 11 or 12. I said OK, go watch TV then.

The next morning she got up to a box of cereal, a quart of milk and yesterday's chili bowl sitting on the table. She looked at me kind of half awake and kind of like I was retarded. My bowl was clean. As she stood in the kitchen washing out her breakfast bowl to use it I made sure to mention that it would have been a lot easier to clean last night.

Then there was the time when my son was about 8. We were having a meat and potatoes dinner. He looked down at his plate and said "I don't like pork chops." And I said "Oh, I do." As I stabbed his with my fork and plopped it on my plate. His tune changed a little as he stared down at his plate with a potato and about 7 carrots on it. He seemed to appreciate the meat portion of his dinner a little more after that.

Eventually my son came to the age where the kids all started roaming around with their pants half down. It's a fashion statement, I guess. One day we were on our way out and he came to the door with his pants half down. I said to him "Pull your pants up." and he said "They are up." And I said "OK, pull your waist down." And he said "Dad, this is how they're worn." And I said "Really?" and he said "Yes, it looks stupid pulled way up like that." And I said "Well, Jesus why didn't you tell me?" So I dropped my pants halfway down my ass and headed out the door. He ran out into the driveway yelling at me. "What are you doing?" I said "I'm trying not to embarrass you. Honestly. I just didn't know about the pants thing." He agreed if I pulled mine up he'd pull his up. You see, it's all about compromise.

Anyway. I guess I went a bit off topic but the thread brought back some memories of when my kids were young.

 

[just play]

The next morning she got up to a box of cereal, a quart of milk and yesterday's chili bowl sitting on the table. She looked at me kind of half awake and kind of like I was retarded. My bowl was clean. As she stood in the kitchen washing out her breakfast bowl to use it I made sure to mention that it would have been a lot easier to clean last night.

Why didn't she just go in the cabinet and get another bowl?

 

[same_old]

I've always let my kids do pretty much whatever they wanted but I'd make sure they learned from it.

Some examples would be like after having chili one night my daughter said she hated doing dishes. I guess she was about 11 or 12. I said OK, go watch TV then.

The next morning she got up to a box of cereal, a quart of milk and yesterday's chili bowl sitting on the table. She looked at me kind of half awake and kind of like I was retarded. My bowl was clean. As she stood in the kitchen washing out her breakfast bowl to use it I made sure to mention that it would have been a lot easier to clean last night.

Then there was the time when my son was about 8. We were having a meat and potatoes dinner. He looked down at his plate and said "I don't like pork chops." And I said "Oh, I do." As I stabbed his with my fork and plopped it on my plate. His tune changed a little as he stared down at his plate with a potato and about 7 carrots on it. He seemed to appreciate the meat portion of his dinner a little more after that.

Eventually my son came to the age where the kids all started roaming around with their pants half down. It's a fashion statement, I guess. One day we were on our way out and he came to the door with his pants half down. I said to him "Pull your pants up." and he said "They are up." And I said "OK, pull your waist down." And he said "Dad, this is how they're worn." And I said "Really?" and he said "Yes, it looks stupid pulled way up like that." And I said "Well, Jesus why didn't you tell me?" So I dropped my pants halfway down my ass and headed out the door. He ran out into the driveway yelling at me. "What are you doing?" I said "I'm trying not to embarrass you. Honestly. I just didn't know about the pants thing." He agreed if I pulled mine up he'd pull his up. You see, it's all about compromise.

Anyway. I guess I went a bit off topic but the thread brought back some memories of when my kids were young.

You so much remind me of my Father, you sure your not an Aussie Skiny?- you sound so much like a typical Aussie bloke.

 

[skiny]

Why didn't she just go in the cabinet and get another bowl?

Now if that was an option the point would have been lost, wouldn't it?

You so much remind me of my Father, you sure your not an Aussie Skiny?- you sound so much like a typical Aussie bloke.

I'm not but I'll take it as a compliment.

 

[same_old]

Now if that was an option the point would have been lost, wouldn't it?



I'm not but I'll take it as a compliment.

it was surely a massive complimnet, my old man was a legend, was a major pisshead and smoked like a train but was a good man.

 

[maxd]

"useful as an ashtray on a motorbike"

"a real fifth wheel"

I grew up in the Canadian North, we used the "spare tits on a bull" one all the time too. There is a surprising number of connections between the North-Western Canadians and the US Southerners. Lots of hillbillys in both places (I ought to know, I was one).

 

[bb28]

Another southern one

About as useful as tits on a daddy-turtle.

 

[skiny]

Oh, back on topic. When I was a kid they used to say as useless as a screen door on a submarine.

 

[klara1968]

as...

...as useful as a post to this tread...

 

[vinylweatherman]

I got one:

About as useful as a pen with no ink.

Are you talking about your daughter? LOL..

No, remember "push", my Great Niece who I posted a picture of a while ago.

Well, this particular concrete parachute is her auntie, and my niece's sister. I have 4 in total here over the easter break, all sponsored by Purple Lounge I might add (Last visit was, of course, sponsored by 32Red).

1 does no chores to speak of.
2 others do chores, but often so badly most have to be done AGAIN properly

only ONE has proved remotely useful in the long term, fixing a table last time, and my reclining chair this time. He also cooks most of our meals.

After showing the useless one this thread (plus trying out a few of the ideas in it). I managed to get about half a dozen MINOR chores out of her.

I got a few dishes done after pointing out that it was impossible for supper to be prepared because what was needed was in the dirty dishes pile.

I am NOT being "mean" at all, they are damn LUCKY to even be here, I don't HAVE to do this, I could sit on MY lazy fat ass for 2 weeks instead of going out to the park, cinema, theme park, forest, Mc Donalds, etc.......

 

[vegetagirl2008]

No, remember "push", my Great Niece who I posted a picture of a while ago.

Well, this particular concrete parachute is her auntie, and my niece's sister. I have 4 in total here over the easter break, all sponsored by Purple Lounge I might add (Last visit was, of course, sponsored by 32Red).

1 does no chores to speak of.
2 others do chores, but often so badly most have to be done AGAIN properly

only ONE has proved remotely useful in the long term, fixing a table last time, and my reclining chair this time. He also cooks most of our meals.

After showing the useless one this thread (plus trying out a few of the ideas in it). I managed to get about half a dozen MINOR chores out of her.

I got a few dishes done after pointing out that it was impossible for supper to be prepared because what was needed was in the dirty dishes pile.

I am NOT being "mean" at all, they are damn LUCKY to even be here, I don't HAVE to do this, I could sit on MY lazy fat ass for 2 weeks instead of going out to the park, cinema, theme park, forest, Mc Donalds, etc.......

I can understand I would do just that no McDonalds or any fun stuff until they do some chores even its just small ones..when I was coming up myself and my siblings had to do chores. It was a part of being responsible and as and adult they can carry on the responsibility and pass it on to their children.

 

[chayton]

my dad used to use the screendoor on a submarine one, but I also like: useless as an inflatable dartboard.

 

[vinylweatherman]

FEATURE HITS 3x ON THE TROT!!!

Well, after a long drought, I hit the top feature 3 times over 3 consecutive days!

Each paid at least a full dinner service

 

[chayton]

and you got photos to prove it...that poor poor girl.

 

[lauram]

My saying use to be. Oh it is ok, just sit there and look pretty.

 

[vinylweatherman]

and you got photos to prove it...that poor poor girl.

I had to be quick, else my camera might have joined the dishes in the washing up water

My saying use to be. Oh it is ok, just sit there and look pretty.

She does that all the time, but it only gets the telly watched, and the money spent.

She also dropped a casserole dish

I never do casseroles anyway, but they were handy for piling up with crisps in front of the telly, so it isn't ME that will suffer

I also have the run-up to this spectacular run of features on video, almost 10 minutes of defiance.


I have discovered a feature in my router that might make life easier next time

 

[Jasminebed]

Unchecking the password for the internet was the best tool I found for cooperation with chores from my daughter. I went and entered the password when the chore was finished.

A sticker chart and rewards works well initially I found, but they lose interest after a few weeks.

I think those screenshots are photoshopped.... Rigged I say, Rigged!

 

[WagerWitch]

Unchecking the password for the internet was the best tool I found for cooperation with chores from my daughter. I went and entered the password when the chore was finished.

A sticker chart and rewards works well initially I found, but they lose interest after a few weeks.

I think those screenshots are photoshopped.... Rigged I say, Rigged!

OMG what a FABULOUS idea.... I love that...

 

[jod5413]

It's a generation thing, Vinyl. My two oldest grand daughters are like your niece. And yep, I found a way to get around them. No internet, no phone, no TV, until the appropriate time, after they had done suitable penance, of course (cat litter box cleaned and scrubbed, for one "brownie point"). unfortunately, they aren't living with me full time, so as soon as they go home they are back to their "normal" selves!

Behind my back, on facebook actually, they complained about their mean Grandma!! I loved it! I even posted back to them that they were full of it!

 

[suzecat]

VWM ............ would Push's mum say she was a natural birth?

 

[vinylweatherman]

Unchecking the password for the internet was the best tool I found for cooperation with chores from my daughter. I went and entered the password when the chore was finished.

A sticker chart and rewards works well initially I found, but they lose interest after a few weeks.

I think those screenshots are photoshopped.... Rigged I say, Rigged!

The feature I found is similar. I can lock out the internet at a certain time, and from the CRAPPY WINDOWS 98 PC that they all fight NOT to end up with

There is no password on the connection itself (cable broadband), it is one that is "always on" by default.

It's a generation thing, Vinyl. My two oldest grand daughters are like your niece. And yep, I found a way to get around them. No internet, no phone, no TV, until the appropriate time, after they had done suitable penance, of course (cat litter box cleaned and scrubbed, for one "brownie point"). unfortunately, they aren't living with me full time, so as soon as they go home they are back to their "normal" selves!

Behind my back, on facebook actually, they complained about their mean Grandma!! I loved it! I even posted back to them that they were full of it!

I don't have a cat, so can't make them clean out the litter. They are good at cleaning out my WALLET though

My niece (Push's mum) came up last year, and said "you NEED Facebook, I have just made you an account"
I had no choice but to take it over, and undo the damage. Now she realises she acted in haste, and now repents at leisure I have been able to monitor much of her social meanderings, and more importantly, CATCH HER OUT when she has told me one thing, and posted something completely different on facebook.

VWM ............ would Push's mum say she was a natural birth?

Possibly not. She wanted a water birth, but wasn't able to, so ended up with a "traditional" hospital birth.

"Push" is now 18 months, walking, ripping things up, finding places to hide, etc.....

She is due here (with Mummy of course) around 10th June, and I have been "told" I need certain things. Oddly enough, a form of containment was not mentioned (playpen), but at least one stairgate, prefferably two.

I have been informed there will be a release of "Push II", planned for sometime next year

 

[Antonia1953]

About as useful as a cat trying to coverup crap on a hot tin roof.

Another rather old southern saying....