Cards rejected by Hallmark

[coldheartedgirl]

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Looking back over the years that we've been
together,
I can't help but wonder?
What the hell was I thinking?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How could two people as beautiful as you...
Have such an ugly baby?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I must admit,
you brought Religion into my life...
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As the days go by,
I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...
would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Someday I hope to get married .
but not to you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Happy birthday!
You look great for your age...
Almost Lifelike!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
I think it's time you kept your promise.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We have been friends for a very long time...
what say we stop?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm so miserable without you ...
it's almost like you're here.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Your friends and I wanted to do something
special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

 

[Casinomeister]

I've actually seen this one in a card shop:

One potato
two potato
three potato
four,
five potato
six potato
seven potato...

WHORE!

 

[mrracetrack]

"I've actually seen this one in a card shop"

Did you buy it??

 

[coldheartedgirl]

Wow That Sounds Like An Ex-Wife Card If I Ever Heard One...Shhhhhh Do Not Let My Ex See It..lol

 

[big_emma]

Things are rough.....
Times are hard.
Here's your fuckin' Christmas card.

 

[big_emma]

Here's to the young man and matrimony.
Here's to the old man and alimony.
The difference seems great, but it's really not.
One is the screwing you get, and the other is the screwing you got.