Captain Cooks group in trouble?

casinomeister said:
Hi Dom, have fun. See you in a couple of weeks.

Moving on...for the record I have eight "Pitch a Bitches". Two of the complaints are general complaints, not a specific "I'm getting effed up the ying yang" sort of a complaint - but a complaint that they don't like this situation. The other six are players who feel they have been targeted. I hope to have these resolved shortly.

Eight complaints ain't a hell of a lot - but if they are legitimate complaints, then this is eight too many.

Just curious, what do you consider a legitamate complaint?

If I played according to the T&Cs, received my bonus, played through the wr, and withdrew, should I be filing a PAB? I know you had some issues with those who played in a currency not within their own, is that still an issue? Thanks for your help.
 
actyper said:
Just curious, what do you consider a legitamate complaint?

If I played according to the T&Cs, received my bonus, played through the wr, and withdrew, should I be filing a PAB? I know you had some issues with those who played in a currency not within their own, is that still an issue? Thanks for your help.
Legitimate complaints do not showcase fraudulant activity on the player's part. Player fraud - me no like.

I don't have an issue with playing with a different currency BTW - I just pointed out that this is a red-flag when US players are playing GPB, it's a stupid thing to do IMO since it draws attention - sometimes unwarranted attention.
 
casinomeister said:
Hi Dom, have fun. See you in a couple of weeks.

Moving on...for the record I have eight "Pitch a Bitches". Two of the complaints are general complaints, not a specific "I'm getting effed up the ying yang" sort of a complaint - but a complaint that they don't like this situation. The other six are players who feel they have been targeted. I hope to have these resolved shortly.

Eight complaints ain't a hell of a lot - but if they are legitimate complaints, then this is eight too many.

This has been pointed out multiple times, but many players that have had their accounts locked are waiting to see what transpires before taking actions such as Pitching a Bitch.

It's not a mark in ICL's favor that "only" 8 people have officially complained here. If anything, due to the ambiguous nature of the threatening email ICL sent out, I'm surprised that the PAB number is even that high, as the natural thing to do is to trust them when they say this will be resolved (despite the fact that ICL promised, falsely, to have this resolved days ago).
 
It's not a mark in ICL's favor that "only" 8 people have officially complained here.

In addition, for every person that knows about Casinomeister, there are probably dozens that don't, hence this maybe only scratching the surface.

I would recommend that readers of this forum spread out the word to other avenues, so that more people might post their complains and that the scope of this be better known.
 
I found this site 10 days ago thanks to the problems with the ICL locking my accounts. I emailed them yesterday and got a form letter responce, and I emailed them again asking for more specifics. I have not made a PaB since I tend to trust people at their word unless something is proven otherwise. I am growing more and more concerned over this matter with my accounts tho.

Rest assured that if ICL does not take significant action this week in regards to my locked accounts I will be filing a formal complaint. I have had no other trouble with any other casinos that I have tried...just the ICL ones.
 
I had a friend come back from Vegas the other day. He told me an interesting story. As he was leaving the Casino security stopped him, took his money, and then told him not to come back. Apparently he was found to have been playing to win and not for "Entertainment" purposes only. The casino said they did not like people like this because they usually only lose a little, while the "entertainment" bunch doesn't worry about the money and loses more, thus giving the casino a better bottom line at the end of the fiscal year.....

could you imagine the outcry if this man even had to wait 1 DAY to get his money back?

This story of coarse isn't true...or is it?

I made a deposit at Cooks, tried to withdraw it....it was returned. I was told I hadn't meet the T&C (the new T&C). I told them I had. They said they would send me my money....it was returned. They said I was under investigation (and since have locked my account). This all occured over the coarse of about 3 weeks. The MAIN reason I wanted to get my money out of this casino was because the software crashes my computer (or just closes itself) but when they tried to change the T&C on me that made me even more anxious to remove my money. Now they are locking accounts and doing "investigations". What in the world?!?!
 
casinomeister said:
Please, say it ain't so :eek:

This non-sense by cooks is making you a popular man. I had always heard of the infamous casinomeister but had never visited the site until a few days ago.

You know you look kinda like George Clooney in that one picture? The first one about casinomeister...actually a lot of them do. You must get some serious ass. :notworthy
 
StinkBug said:
You know you look kinda like George Clooney in that one picture? The first one about casinomeister...actually a lot of them do. You must get some serious ass. :notworthy
Actually, I downloaded that picture from some obscure website. The picture in my forum profile is the real me. I must wear a mask because I frighten small children. Especially on guitar day.
 
casinomeister said:
Legitimate complaints do not showcase fraudulant activity on the player's part. Player fraud - me no like.

I don't have an issue with playing with a different currency BTW - I just pointed out that this is a red-flag when US players are playing GPB, it's a stupid thing to do IMO since it draws attention - sometimes unwarranted attention.

Can you define fraudulant activity :D Sorry, seems like you almost need a law degree to post in here now (at least the Casino reps should have their legal team check their post before they submit them). Actually what does it matter? Not like we can really do anything. I'm assuming you mean multiple accounts by one person.
 
StinkBug said:
This non-sense by cooks is making you a popular man. I had always heard of the infamous casinomeister but had never visited the site until a few days ago.

You know you look kinda like George Clooney in that one picture? The first one about casinomeister...actually a lot of them do. You must get some serious ass. :notworthy

Hahahahahahahahahaha..that has to be your brother or best friend posting !
 
So I've been locked out of my account. My deposit/winnings, which were in the process of being paid out to Neteller, were stopped and held for an 'audit'. I've emailed CCC twice in the last 2 days about the audit which was supposed to take 1 week. Then....

I just got a special reload offer from CCC if I use Neteller!!!

lol hmm ok
 
Wes Side said:
Bonuses that require a college degree to make sense of are probably not helping casinos. I know a bunch of "bonus hunters," and they are probably the few who actually take the time to look at the terms and conditions and plan accordingly. Regular players who get screwed over due to a small piece of T&C fine-print will probably never play at said casino again. Casinos that use an inane bonus requirement are shooting themselves in the foot.

Absolutely right Wes Side.

Internet gambling is a highly competitive market.

This group are greedy idiots. If you check out their payout tables you can see they were making a steady profit on all monies bet in their casinos. This acheived with very little ongoing effort on their part, they could just sit back and watch the monry roll in.

Increasing turnover should of course been their objective, as it is with decent casinos (32red etc), this is obvious given their small overheads.

Instead this group has tried to increase their profit from existing turnover by reducing amounts paid out in bonuses!! They couldn't accept anyone having even the smallest advantage against them even though to stop this meant having rules which were going to put off the ordinary punter (who comprise the large majority of losing players)

Can anyone spot the flaw in this approach in a highly competitive market with little brand loyality?

This group will get all that they deserve and decent casinos will be laughing on the sidelines as they see their potential profits increase.

Perhaps this groups spokesperson will come and address this forum in a more professional way than he has so far and indicate what this groups long term strategy is.

Mitch
 
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My Read on ICLs Statement

Having read the recent ICL statement, I am more disturbed than before.

The statement does not make positive statements about the casinos obligations to honor terms and conditions regardless of sharp players, dumb players, or any other players other than fraudulent players.

The statement indicates that they will look at PABs. They need to pay deposits, winnings and bonuses for those that met the terms and are not fraudulent not wait on a PAB.

The statement does not address why they need to hold up payments while they audit for non-fruadulent activity nor does it address why they have had trouble paying affiliates on time. It simply says that they don't have solvency issues.

In short, the statement refuses to address the issues.

My analysis is the same. The warning signs indicate that this group may be having financial troubles and by their own admission believe they can retroactively relieve players of their bonuses.

Players should not play here. The risk is high.

imho,
Stanford.
 
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Thanir said:
So I've been locked out of my account. My deposit/winnings, which were in the process of being paid out to Neteller, were stopped and held for an 'audit'. I've emailed CCC twice in the last 2 days about the audit which was supposed to take 1 week. Then....

I just got a special reload offer from CCC if I use Neteller!!!

lol hmm ok

lol, I just got the same reload bonus.
 
Stanford said:
Having read the recent ICL statement, I am more disturbed than before.

The statement does not make positive statements about the casinos obligations to honor terms and conditions regardless of sharp players, dumb players, or any other players other than fraudulent players.

The statement indicates that they will look at PABs. They need to pay deposits, winnings and bonuses for those that met the terms and are not fraudulent not wait on a PAB.

The statement does not address why they need to hold up payments while they audit for non-fruadulent activity nor does it address why they have had trouble paying affiliates on time. It simply says that they don't have solvency issues.

In short, the statement refuses to address the issues.

My analysis is the same. The warning signs indicate that this group may be having financial troubles and by their own admission believe they can retroactively relieve players of their bonuses.

Players should not play here. The risk is high.

imho,
Stanford.


excellent points, the only benefit that can stem from ICL dragging their feet from this point on is that casinomeister will get a lot popular, its like a free publicity campaign for this site, the meister couldn't have planned it any better :lolup:

i'm also not reassured by ICL rep urging past players to redeposit and play when they can't even appease the new players who's been screwed, seems to me like they need those deposits for something else :rolleyes:
 
mitch said:
Absolutely right Wes Side.

Internet gambling is a highly competitive market.

This group are greedy idiots. If you check out their payout tables you can see they were making a steady profit on all monies bet in their casinos. This acheived with very little ongoing effort on their part, they could just sit back and watch the monry roll in.

Increasing turnover should of course been their objective, as it is with decent casinos (32red etc), this is obvious given their small overheads.

Instead this group has tried to increase their profit from existing turnover by reducing amounts paid out in bonuses!! They couldn't accept anyone having even the smallest advantage against them even though to stop this meant having rules which were going to put off the ordinary punter (who comprise the large majority of losing players)

Can anyone spot the flaw in this approach in a highly competitive market with little brand loyality?

This group will get all that they deserve and decent casinos will be laughing on the sidelines as they see their potential profits increase.

Perhaps this groups spokesperson will come and address this forum in a more professional way than he has so far and indicate what this groups long term strategy is.

Mitch


good points!! i just checked out the payout rates certified by pwc for both ccc and casino kingdom for the recent months (classic didn't have theirs up yet)

there is NOT ONE GAME that had payouts over 100%!! that means ICL is profiting overall for last couple months :eek: :eek:

where was that big hit they supposedly took from all the "bonus hunters"?? :confused:

me thinks its all in their mind

i'm convinced, my ICL accounts are now all deactivated
 
ezc3m said:
good points!! i just checked out the payout rates certified by pwc for both ccc and casino kingdom for the recent months (classic didn't have theirs up yet)

there is NOT ONE GAME that had payouts over 100%!! that means ICL is profiting overall for last couple months :eek: :eek:

where was that big hit they supposedly took from all the "bonus hunters"?? :confused:

me thinks its all in their mind

i'm convinced, my ICL accounts are now all deactivated

In all fairness, do those figures actually include bonuses?
 
Not a Good Experience

In the last few weeks I took my first shot at online casino gaming. I choose to play at Captain Cooks.

It was a horrible experience. They refused to answer any inquires in a straight-forward understandable way. It was terribly frustrating for someone such as me that had no experience and they made no effort to make the experience enjoyable.

In the end they changed WR on me and they have confiscated the $100 that I deposited (even though I did meet the WR) and the $14 that was transferred from the bonus account to my real account.

They have been totally unresponsive although I too have received the Neteller bonus offer.

My advice to new players is to avoid this site. In fact, my advice to new players is to not do it. I do not trust online casino's. I know that this is only a sample size of one but when you only have one horrendous experience you want to do whatever you can to avoid additional frustration.

Better luck to all/
 
Don't let one bad apple spoil them all!

jalex1ff said:
In the last few weeks I took my first shot at online casino gaming. I choose to play at Captain Cooks.

It was a horrible experience. They refused to answer any inquires in a straight-forward understandable way. It was terribly frustrating for someone such as me that had no experience and they made no effort to make the experience enjoyable.

In the end they changed WR on me and they have confiscated the $100 that I deposited (even though I did meet the WR) and the $14 that was transferred from the bonus account to my real account.

They have been totally unresponsive although I too have received the Neteller bonus offer.

My advice to new players is to avoid this site. In fact, my advice to new players is to not do it. I do not trust online casino's. I know that this is only a sample size of one but when you only have one horrendous experience you want to do whatever you can to avoid additional frustration.

Better luck to all/


I can see where you're coming from, but take a few minutes and browse the forums....look at all the other GOOD casinos that are out there. You'll find plenty just looking around here. I sure did.

Moral of the story is as the title says....don't let one bad experience ruin it for the rest of them.
 
I am relatively new to the Casinos as well (and still a little nervous about the fairness)...only started playing back in january (did I already say this?) Sometimes I want to play cards and drink but don't drink and play poker so I started play BJ at Intercasino. Then I started playing at will hill (they give monthly bonuses so it gives you more to lose -> longer play = more drinking :D ). The casino I really like is Casino-on-net (888.com, I believe:thumbsup: ) and have been playing there a lot more (going to Vegas for my B.Day - getting some BJ practice now {gotta impress the girlfriend :o }). My advise - don't give up on all of them. This seems to be a isolated incident that really is pissing off a lot of people (I'm getting screwed, too:xxx ....maybe I should have put that one in next to GF). Hopefully this casino will do the right thing or their competitors will take advantage of this oportunity to put them under.
 
Thanks for the reply WinBig72 and StinkBug

I guess what I hope to discover from Casinomeister is that my experience at Captain Cooks was not isolated. At this point I feel like I failed because I was taken but hearing that others have had problems at that particular site but not others does give me some reassurance.

Not to hijack the thread but are Will Hill, Casino on Net considered the most trustworthy. If I am going to try this again I want it to be at a site that is "gentle" on inexperienced players and most of all - "clean".
 
Dominique, and any other affiliate guys posting on this thread. It would be helpful in efforts to build a factual case of firm complaints against ICL if any past-due payment affiliates could fill in a Pitch A Bitch that we can verify and track.

Speculation and assumption may or may not be accurate, but the most powerful argument is the one that is backed by fact, and that is what we need here to take this forward.

Please continue to spread the word for players prejudiced under the ICL policy to record their situation here at PAB.

Lurkio, your agenda-driven posts are pretty much useless to me and are now happily a thing of the past - I have discovered the Casinomeister's really practical "ignore" list.
 
Let's bear in mind the extent of forum-readership here with regard to friend Willy and his offer to look into complaints submitted to Bryan: somewhere in the region of ten percent is, I believe, the generally accepted figure. Once Cooks are done with their PR excercise of paying those ten percent of players who file complaints, they'll still be holding on to fully ninety percent of the money they stole from all the players in the same circumstances but who do NOT read the boards. Think about that for a minute: this is not one of those individual issues of theft of a large sum from one or two forum-savvy players which ends up with a full payment of funds stolen; this is an all-player issue, from which ONLY the ten percent forum-savvy group can expect satisfaction. What Cooks end up paying is going to be a drop in the ocean compared to the overall theft they perpetrate.

This matter certainly should be spread as far and wide as possible, in the hope of snagging at least a handful of extra players who would otherwise have known nothing of the opportunity to get their rightful winnings.

Could somebody please list the forums where this is being discussed? I've only seen it at Meister and WOL.
 
I agree with your post Caruso.

However, what we are trying to do is not so much solve individual complaints (although that is part of it) as build solid evidence with which to beat ICL and get others to join us in doing so until this ridiculous bonus burglarly is brought to an end.
 
I agree the ICL representative's post just appears to be another inept attempt at PR ("believe it or not") while pocketing funds from players unaware of this forum - for a casino to suggest submitting PABs to Casinomeister when what's at stake is a policy decision that affects a whole class of players is mind-boggling.

Bryan, could I suggest you remove these casinos from your 'accredited' section as soon as you get the chance? Players who aren't aware of the forum might still get the impression they're one of the safest places to play.
 
ezc3m said:
good points!! i just checked out the payout rates certified by pwc for both ccc and casino kingdom for the recent months (classic didn't have theirs up yet)

there is NOT ONE GAME that had payouts over 100%!! that means ICL is profiting overall for last couple months :eek: :eek:
Obviously, they have been skimming your deposits and not running the casinos purely for entertainment. :)

ezc3m said:
where was that big hit they supposedly took from all the "bonus hunters"?? :confused:

me thinks its all in their mind

i'm convinced, my ICL accounts are now all deactivated
Bonuses are not included in payout reports, the reports only reflect the outcome of the games.
 
jalex1ff said:
Not to hijack the thread but are Will Hill, Casino on Net considered the most trustworthy. If I am going to try this again I want it to be at a site that is "gentle" on inexperienced players and most of all - "clean".
Yep - I would definitely recommend those 2, along with Intercasino (of course), 32RED, Trident Group.. etc.
Most on the Meisters list should be 100% OK. You just got very unlucky catching Cooks group at the wrong time. But don't tar all casinos with the same brush - most are great!

If you definitely met the Cooks WR - don't give up on your money! Keep chasing it.

What did you mean 'they changed the WR'??? :confused: Please explain.
KK
 
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Removal from Casinomeister

Dear all,

Ive made the command decision today to remove Captain Cooks, Casino Classic, and Casino Kingdom from Casinomeisters Accredited Casino section. This is done with a heavy heart since this casino group has been a part of Casinomeister longer than most of the casinos listed here first joining in September of 2000. The operators and I have known each other for a number of years, and we have met numerous times under more than pleasant conditions. In the past, I have stood by this casino group through thick and thin because I trust their words and actions. I also trust their sense of making sound business decisions. But now is now; what they are doing is wrong in my opinion, and I cannot condone this.

I feel obligated to this industry to provide information that allows players and operators alike to make smart decisions with whom to do business. There are no sacred cows in this business, and when I feel that something is wrong, Im going to tell you. Sorry, but thats the way it is.

When this bonus problem with ICL reared its fugly head, I stated right off the bat: its the casinos prerogative to choose whom to do business with. If youre going to ban players for bonus abuse, ban them straight to bonus hell but if they have clearly met the terms and conditions and wagering requirements pay them what they are owed (deposits and winnings) and then bid them farewell. This is a basic rule of smart casino management, and I have held this rule in front of every casino group I have dealt with. The casino makes the rules for the player to abide by; to be selective in applying these rules leads to chaos. Many casinos who have failed to recognize this common law have found themselves in the rogue pit.

What is occurring here is that the casino is trying to protect itself from players they do not want. I sympathize with this wholeheartedly I feel their pain. But in my opinion, it is not being handled correctly. This casino group, like 99% of all casino groups, markets itself with the bonus. Bonuses are incentives to gain business and are a double edged sword. Getting pounded by bonus hunters or advantage players is what one must cope with its a shame that this fine group of casinos has been so short-sighted in the handling of this situation.

The handling of this situation has not been fair to the player, and I dont like it. If the casino can provide the player community evidence of being defrauded by evil players, thats one thing, but I do not believe that players are acting in a fraudulent manner here. I do not see fraudulent play. I see bonus players playing bonuses that have been given to them by the casino, and playing them to the stated wagering requirements.

I cannot condone these casino actions its not right, and until the Captain Cooks group decides that they will abide by their stated terms and conditions and treat all legitimate players equally and fairly I cannot endorse their operations.
 
I think willy said that the only players to be affected by this would be those guilty of "suspect wagering" (think he said that, excuse me for not wading back through 24 pages of posts). He was wrong, many potential new players will also be affected, because they won't go anywhere near his casinos now.

As short sighted, incompetent business decisions go, that has to be up there with the best of them.

Well done Vesuvio and Casinomeister.

Is being taken off the accredited list a warning / first step, in the hope that they will now put things right and pay the players they owe money to? If they continue to withhold players' winnings, will further consequences follow?
 
makewayhomer said:
But how does this affect the PAB that I already entered? Increase the chances that I get my money back? Decrease those chances?

At any rate, I'm glad this casino has been rogued.
CCC and company have NOT been rogued - they just are no longer listed here - which is just as serious in my opinion. This has no effect whatsoever on the PABs.
 
Thanks Bryan, the action is appreciated as it means that while this group is continuing its current policy of withholding payments at least some new customers will avoid them.

Hopefully the group will come to their senses and take action that means they can be put back on the accredited list at some point in the future, Their customer service has seemed excellent throughout and their reps knowledgable. Sadly they've been let down by their superiors in this case it seems :(

Anyway, good work Bryan, thanks.
 
Ive made the command decision today to remove Captain Cooks, Casino Classic, and Casino Kingdom from Casinomeisters Accredited Casino section.

I had hoped it wouldn't have to come to this, but I applaud your decision Meister.

On another note, this thread is now the most viewed and replied to in the PAB section that I can see. (I can only see the first 3 pages apparently).
 
KasinoKing said:
What did you mean 'they changed the WR'??? :confused: Please explain.
KK

I think this was for me. When I signed up at the CCC the wager requirement (WR) was 35 times the bonus, the transfer, and the deposit. During the coarse of my play they changed it to 42X. When I tried to withdraw they returned my withdrawal (after about 5 days and 2 e-mails) and sent me a letter saying I hadn't fulfilled the WR of 42X. I e-mailed them back and told them that I had signed up under the T&C of 35X WR and was pretty sure I had. They said oh, okay, sorry. Now my account is frozen. Teach me to win their money. :D
 
Aindreas_Daoc said:
On another note, this thread is now the most viewed and replied to in the PAB section that I can see. (I can only see the first 3 pages apparently).

There is a thread about ConnectoCasino with even more views. You can sort threads by views by clicking the column header.
You also should see more than the first 3 pages, just move to the third page and you can dig deeper...:)
 
ICL Rep said:
Forgive me but this post will not answer the questions you have raised. We hope to do so over the next day or two. For the moment, rest assured that anyone with a genuine and legitimate claim to funds in a casino account at any of our sites will have that claim honoured

My brother has legitimate winnings being held hostage at Casino Kingdom. My friend has legitimate winnings being held hostage despite him playing half the bonus on 3+% disadvantage slots.

The longer you guys drag this out, the worse you look. Pay everyone off and then ban people if you have to, but if you fail to pay people off, you are done. Make up an excuse for the delay, I don't care, but if you don't pay people off, you are basically out of business. If you don't think I know what I am talking about, then good luck. As I've said before, I am constantly unsurprised at how little casino employees know about their own games. If you take that as a personal attack, good, you probably deserve it. Looking at this current mess, well, what can I say.

You were not hit by people using fake names. You were hit by legitimate players who followed your rules on your terms and beat you at your own game. How you couldn't see it coming, I don't know. You have a license to print money and you screwed up. Pay them off and learn a lesson. I know precisely how much your bonuses were worth to a smart player. I know plenty of players who beat you at your own game. Too bad. It's no excuse to try to steal money from people who played on your own terms. Yeah, it's a humbling experience. Tough. Suck it up.

I credit Casinomeister with his current decision on the matter. This really shows something on his part especially since he seemed to have some interest in your group. If you try to confiscate anyone's money who played under your terms and conditions and beat you at your own game, you are done. Make up an excuse for the delay and pay people out while you still can save face. I think you are a good group but had some bad decision and bad promotion making. Learn a lesson and move on.
 
saving face?

I would love to see what is going on on the inside. How are these guys going to save face? If they don't return the money due the players they are dead. If they give the money out, how much damage has already been done? What are they planning for damage control?

I'd like to see some ideas of how they can come out of this win-win (minimizing their loses) considering all the damage they have already caused themselves. I for one can't really see what they can do to not get slaughtered.
:axeman:
 
Has anyone who didn't opt to take their deposit back immediately, receive a response yet? It's been two weeks for me. I sent them an email, but I think I got a generic "we're forwarding your email to someone. Our investigation will take 7 days" response.
 
StinkBug said:
I would love to see what is going on on the inside. How are these guys going to save face? If they don't return the money due the players they are dead. If they give the money out, how much damage has already been done? What are they planning for damage control?

I'd like to see some ideas of how they can come out of this win-win (minimizing their loses) considering all the damage they have already caused themselves. I for one can't really see what they can do to not get slaughtered.
:axeman:


Maybe someone should post odds on different outcomes so we can bet on it???? :D
 
Poker room too

The same thing is happening in the poker room. For the past few months they've had a $50 happy hour promotion Sundays from 8 to 9pm EST. 100% match up to $50. Play 1000 raked hands to clear it.

I took advantage of it several times, usually depositing $1000 (I play multiple $5/$10 tables, so it's useful to have some cushion). Most recently, I went down then up, eventually depositing several thousand. I ended up almost exactly even.

I cashed out. Nothing happened for almost a week. I sent a query to customer service. The reply was interesting. It read in part:

"Firstly we would like to state that your patronage at our sites is of
the utmost importance to us. We have identified you as a loyal, genuine
and fair player, and your participation at our sites is an integral part
of our establishment.


We hope to keep it that way."

That sounds nice. But, unaccompanied by my money, I find its value a bit thin. It's been 8 days now since I requested my withdrawal. Disappointingly, I have another $1000 (plus $50 bonus) sitting in my account that I haven't requested a withdrawal on yet. I was hoping that the audit excuse was genuine, that they'd process my original withdrawal, and then I could play a little poker with the rest of my money.

Sigh.
 
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