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can anyone help

Discussion in 'Ask the Meister' started by richieo, Jun 28, 2014.

    Jun 28, 2014
  1. richieo

    richieo Dormant account

    Occupation:
    supervisor
    Location:
    london
    Hi my wife is a gambler and we have had to take special measures, plus she is seeking help. A couple days ago she went on her bingo site without my knowledge she also added my debit card without my knowledge. She already has her own card registered and paypal but because they have been frozen by me she cannot use them.
    She deposited money after money until she had cleared my bank account without me being none wiser the following day my card declined I rang bank and new straight away my wife had been playing bingo and stolen all my money.
    she used £3360.00 in 24 hours.
    She knows what she has done and accepts the guilt but she really can't help herself she is always chasing after the lost money.
    I spoke to the bingo site and told them she had no permission to use my money I also asked how they allowed so much money to be deposited hour after hour and how she was able to use my card on her account.

    They said they would look into it.
    Unfortunately I need that money for bills and like I said my wife is well aware of her guilt and she could not hate and e lower than she is feeling at moment, I explained that my bank are willing to look into retrieving my money that was taken without permission or knowledge but it means an investigation into fraud and police my wife agreed we have no other choice I have bills and kids and no money. It's tearing me up to see her like this but even more to know I have to shop her in.
    im so worried about what they will do once I investigation is finished.
    Can anyone advice will she be arrested, face court /prison ????
    Is there anything I can do to help her without lying. I love her dearly she is a loving wife fantastic mum and good friend she has never been in trouble.
    Please any advice appreciated.
     
  2. Jun 28, 2014
  3. chayton

    chayton aka LooHoo CAG PABnonaccred webmeister

    Occupation:
    Freelance Designer
    Location:
    Edmonton Canada
    This isn't the first time a story like this has been told on this forum. Unfortunately in some cases it's been complete lies from start to finish, so you'll have to forgive any skepticism from the membership here. I don't want to repeat anything that's already been said, but take a read through this thread and see some of the advice given to this father.

    http://www.casinomeister.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61940

    If the bingo site said they're looking into it, then you should wait until you hear what they have to say. You didn't mention which site it is, if you do that maybe they will have a rep here that you can talk to one on one.
     
    8 people like this.
  4. Jun 28, 2014
  5. paul7388

    paul7388 Meister Member MM

    Occupation:
    not a lot
    Location:
    glasgow scotland
    Like Chayton says look at that other thread it might be useful. I would imagine she would get prosecuted for fraud if police got involved but would not imagine she would be sent to prison maybe community service or something similar If bank refunds money. But think its time to seriously get your wife help before the addiction destroys your family totally. Might also be a good idea to either remove all computers etc. from house or to block them totally from accessing anything to do with gambling ie using gamblock or something similar. Might mean you struggle to access some sites that aren't even gambling related but its a small price to pay. Anyway make sure she gets counselling ASAP and if she does get prosecuted it will look better for her that shes getting help for her addiction.
     
    2 people like this.
  6. Jun 28, 2014
  7. xxshepxx

    xxshepxx Senior Member PABnononaccred MM

    Occupation:
    mechanic
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    If it's the truth then it's an open and shut case of fraud.

    Report it to your bank, don't expect the bingo site to be out of pocket because your wife has a problem.

    Although they shouldn't accept another persons payment details.
     
  8. Jun 28, 2014
  9. miso

    miso Meister Member MM

    Occupation:
    accountant
    Location:
    Ireland
    I have no reason to doubt anything that`s been written by him. It`s a sad story and I feel for them both.
    (he is worried about is his wife going to jail).

    Good you pointed out that other thread.

    Richie, what you need is to co-operate with everyone involved. First thing, what is the name of the bingo site.
    If it`s a legitimate site, you`re off to a good start.

    Secondly, I am sorry, but you need to notify your bank AND the police. There is no other way around it.
    Talk to them, explain the situation. I am sure she will not be jailed, but there will be consequences.

    See Paul`s post as well, the gambling problem needs to be dealt with, even with extreme measures.

    (last thing, was your card Visa Debit? Are you using Verify by Visa?)
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. Jun 28, 2014
  11. richieo

    richieo Dormant account

    Occupation:
    supervisor
    Location:
    london
    Thank you all for your advice.
    my wife is already having help but I think she may require more help. Im not very good with computers so I wasn't aware of something to block gambling sites but will definitely be asking nephew who is good on pc to look into it can I get it for mobile phone too?
    I can understand people thinking im pulling a fast one but im sorry to say this is completely honest story.
    the bingo site was sky vegas they have got back to me telling me that they will not be helpful until bank and police contact them.
    I do understand that it's a money making business but they do have to consider some responsibility the card was in my name not hers and surely they must have noticed how much was being deposited and how quickly it must have rang some kind of bells.
    Plus after I contacted them they shut down her account which im grateful but she received an email from them the following day with some more enticing offers?? I can see how tempting this must be for a person with addiction problems already.
    I have already filed with bank and they say that when their investigation is complete they will inform police and then I will have to make a statement.
    Ive spoken to a solicitor who has told me that until she is arrested and charged they cant comment on what punishment might be but 99% she will be convicted as she has also openly admitted and confirmed.

    im so annoyed gambling addiction is tearing my family apart financilly emotionally and now probably physically.
    My kids will hate me for allowing their mum to be prosecuted. All she is concerned with is how much pain and distress she is causing us and how her kids may have to be without her for awhile if convicted all because she gambled. She just keeps telling me shes no good and there must be something seriously wrong with her why cant she be normal she says.
     
  12. Jun 28, 2014
  13. miso

    miso Meister Member MM

    Occupation:
    accountant
    Location:
    Ireland
    This is the Sky rep

    http://www.casinomeister.com/forums/member.php?u=23169

    He`s not very active on the site, but it`s worth a try, it might speed up the process.
    Unfortunately, again, the only way to recover your losses is to inform police. Or accept the money is lost, keep it in the family, and try to rebuild from there.
    It is up to you.

    Believe me, we have all sometimes lost more than we should have. The feelings of guilt and self-loathing are only natural, and will pass.
     
    3 people like this.
  14. Jun 28, 2014
  15. asadzareef89

    asadzareef89 Meister Member MM

    Occupation:
    Admin Asst
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    the only one that can help you is patience or you can turn your wife in

    Report these to police fraud unit and send a copy to the bank of report which will get you your money back(hopefully) but it will also open a criminal case against your wife

    If that's not to your liking than just have patience as this situation is caused by your wife not your bank or the bingo site as most probably your card had the same surname as your wife's and also the address so the system processed it

    Best case scenario is the website refunding you all the deposits made from your card as it didn't match the users so have patience and wait for their reply
     
    1 person likes this.
  16. Jun 28, 2014
  17. richieo

    richieo Dormant account

    Occupation:
    supervisor
    Location:
    london
    My wife still uses her maiden name her bank account is in her maiden name and it was also registered on her account.
    The bingo site have already said that they arent willing to help or even to negotiate anything with me because they are saying that its a third party account ie in my wifes name the fact its my card and money they do not want to a knowledge. I have already contacted bank like I said so have to wait but if I make a report to police ive been informed by a solicitor that chances are even if I don't want to take it further because its clear cut and a large amount of money they can decide to go ahead and prosecute her with the bank for fraud.

    Im just stuck sky vegas could be amicable and at least try to negotiate with me. But at moment I have literally £130 to support my kids myself and house plus go work until middle of next month. So you see how much im stuck between a rock and hard place.
     
  18. Jun 28, 2014
  19. chayton

    chayton aka LooHoo CAG PABnonaccred webmeister

    Occupation:
    Freelance Designer
    Location:
    Edmonton Canada
    One thing you mentioned is that they closed the account and then sent her bonus offers to 'entice her back' - I think what happened is that like a lot of places, it just takes a little while for them to update the email list.

    If the account has been closed and flagged as potentially fraudulent, I doubt any amount of begging will convince them to open it again - it certainly wouldn't be as easy as a player just showing up and asking for it to be opened. I know you're upset but you can't blame them for that or accuse them of having ulterior motives.

    However, if she had the account in one name and was using a credit card in another name to deposit, personally I think security should have caught it long before she drained the account. They certainly would have if she had won and tried to cash out! :rolleyes: So they definitely have something to answer for there IMO.

    If this is a first offence (your wife never having been in trouble of this sort before) then you could hope for a lenient sentence...maybe parole instead of jail time or something like that. I'm not a lawyer or a cop or anything so I might be talking out my bum, but I'd think there are plenty of extenuating circumstances where it might go easier for her. She has children at home, she 'stole' from you rather than a stranger, she feels remorse, and the amount of the theft isn't really that much - I know it seems like a lot to you right now because you don't have it, but in terms of fraud, maybe not so much.

    I don't want to give you false hope, I'm just saying don't think the worst until you know for sure.

    EDIT: I see that miiisooo posted a link to the Sky rep above, did you contact them yet?
     
    1 person likes this.
  20. Jun 28, 2014
  21. paul7388

    paul7388 Meister Member MM

    Occupation:
    not a lot
    Location:
    glasgow scotland
    As the sky rep hasn't posted in over a year and hasn't visited the site for a couple of months id be surprised if you get a reply from him.
     
  22. Jun 28, 2014
  23. KasinoKing

    KasinoKing WebMeister & Slotaholic.. CAG MM PABnonaccred webmeister

    Occupation:
    House-Husband and Casino Advisor
    Location:
    Bexhill on sea, England
    I have to say I am EXTREMELY concerned that Sky were happy to accept payments from a card that is NOT in the same name as the Sky account holder - not even the surname!
    IMHO they should never have accepted the deposits in the first place and should definitely refund you. It's fraud, plain & simple.
    Looking forward to hear what they have to say about this...

    KK
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2014
    6 people like this.
  24. Jun 28, 2014
  25. chayton

    chayton aka LooHoo CAG PABnonaccred webmeister

    Occupation:
    Freelance Designer
    Location:
    Edmonton Canada
    Well if someone sends a PM the rep should get an email notification. And if the rep doesn't reply then it's something that Bryan needs to know about. Accredited casinos need an active rep, that's one of the rules of accreditation.

    EDIT: I just sent a PM to the rep pointing them to this thread.
     
    2 people like this.
  26. Jun 28, 2014
  27. miso

    miso Meister Member MM

    Occupation:
    accountant
    Location:
    Ireland
    I don`t think they verify the card ownership when making a deposit. Sure, it won`t let you register a new card in other name, but you can just
    type in your name and hope to get away with it.

    But I agree that it should have raised some alarms. I suppose she only dipped into the funds on his card, then went off the rails chasing the losses, making more and more deposits, rather than emptying the card in one go. Even if that was her own card, they should have some measures in place
    to notify them about somebody making multiple deposits, one after the other, which is a clear sign of somebody losing control.
     
    1 person likes this.
  28. Jun 28, 2014
  29. richieo

    richieo Dormant account

    Occupation:
    supervisor
    Location:
    london
    No I haven't yet contacted the sky rep yet because sky bingo told me they cannot discuss the matter any further with me because its not my account, also I emailed the AGCC bingo commission and they emailed me to say they will be looking into it and get back to me so i thought instead of badgering sky bingo I will wait and see what advice they can give me.
    I know that sky bingo is a business and the people that work there are just doing there job its not them that have the addiction it is my wife who has the problem but I do feel that the bingo site should acknowledge that they did fail to realise the card situation and that the amount being deposited was abit erratic and worrying.
    After having a long heart to heart my wife has admitted that she registered the card a couple of months ago and has been taking funds from her account and putting them in mine to fund her addiction I never really check my bank statements because I am dyslexic and I thought i more or less knew my ins and outs but now it makes sense how a few times over the last few months my account was fluttering a little but when u check at the ATM machine it only shows the last 7 transaction or something (before you ask it might seem like I can write well and read but its this great program on pc that does spelling for dyslexia)
    So now I know why she was so desperate to play and chase the lost money because she has deposited around £800 into my account so she could deposit on bingo and lost all of that and most probably more so she was desperate to try and make it back to pay her bills and cover up her gambling from me. :-(
    So in total I haven't a clue how much she has lost over the last few months and here is the most sickening think she only ever made two withdrawals one for £200 and one for £60 which im unsure if went through coz it was the morning of when I found out and contacted the site and on their t&c its says if an account is closed due to someone else card used all winnings ect will be void.
    Going back to the issue my card has been registered and active deposits and withdrawal on her account for a fair amount of time surely they must have had enough time to acknowledge this I contacted bank and they confirm past transactions going back as far as april :-( all money out except one £200 in from the information of the bank they were all deposits one after the other.
    I did have a grumble at the bank with all these ins and outs of my bank my activities on my account was unusual so I wished they had notified me this could have saved alot of money. :-(
    This just goes to show that my wifes problem is severe and she requires much more treatment and intervention also it shows me that her intentions werent malicious because she was putting the money into my account before using it until she got desperate she was paying in the money with one of my bank statements.

    I feel disappointed and hurt that she has been so deceitful but I can see that her intentions were not malicious or fraudulent she just wanted to gamble but got way over her head once again.
    It just proves that once someone has a gambling problem they can not play the game for fun anymore the addiction will eventually take over.
    Now I haven't a clue if in light of the new information it will help my wife if she goes court to show she didn't mean any harm or whether it will make it worst because of the higher amount of money and the period it was over?

    Also ive read on some online sites that the bingo sites may try to prosecute players that use someone else card on there account??

    I think that stronger conditions and protocols need to be implemented on the online sites they make alot of money and yes its entertaining if played right but there has to be a better system to spot and support vulnerable players especially the ones who become addicts because so many people are suffering and struggling with the effects of gambling addictions. If you think about it its like showing a dog a bone and then putting it out of their reach, gambling sites and games and places are everywhere you look tv, billboards, radio ,online adverts, spam, post ect so really more needs to be done to help and support people to play in the right manner as so many people are joining sites which unfortunately means more addicts and more suffering for the gamblers and the people around them.
     
  30. Jun 28, 2014
  31. paul7388

    paul7388 Meister Member MM

    Occupation:
    not a lot
    Location:
    glasgow scotland
    Don't take this the wrong way I understand you are mad about gambling sites. But in all fairness theres only so much casinos etc. can do to stop people playing. If your wife is addicted and one bingo site stops her playing she can use loads more. The responsibility to stop your wife gambling lies solely with her. I know gamblings advertised everywhere but many use it responsibily. I see old ladies spending there pension on lottery scratchcards or going to bingo everyday. I see people going into a pub and putting there full wage in a slot machine. If someone wants to gamble there is no way to stop them unless they want to stop so should it be much harder for someone to buy the odd scratchcard because others are addicted to it. Its same with alcoholics so should occasional drinkers find it much more difficult to buy a drink because others can not drink responsibly. I know this sounds harsh but the way everything is going these days everyone wants to always blame others whereas people need to learn to face up to mistakes as theres only so many guidelines that can be put in place as its supposed to be a society where we have freedom to make our own choices. Personally id be focusing more time at the moment researching help for your wife as if this wasn't a one off and shes done it before she needs help fast. Like I just said if she is totally addicted she will gamble on anything so just taking away access to online gambling wont stop her. When you are at work she could spend every penny in the local amusement arcade. Once someone lies and uses anyway they can to gamble its a real problem that wont go away and no matter how sorry she is she will gamble again the next chance she has unless she gets help quick.
     
    2 people like this.
  32. Jun 28, 2014
  33. richieo

    richieo Dormant account

    Occupation:
    supervisor
    Location:
    london
    Let me just add that it might sound like im trying to blame everybody bank,bingo site ect but I do also feel extremely guilty and that some blame should also sit with me because i failed to realise that she was gambling again or how distressed she must have been due to her playing and lack of self control.
    When I think about most just point their finger at a gambler and say clear cut they are guilty of fraud or they should have more restraint they should know better or learn from there mistakes no sympathy.

    But I actually believe certain others need to shoulder a little bit of the blame too.
    It must be horrible to have any addiction let alone one so readily available but very damaging.
    I see it in my wife the way she is feeling and I too suffer for not being able to make it all better to make her whole again .
    I just wish I could make the situation of the investigations and possible charges and loss of money disappear so we could cocentrate on getting her much more thourough help and support to teach her to control the addiction to be able to see her free of all this negativity and be my happy, stress free wife again.

    sorry for the rambling I just need to get it out im trying my best to be positive and supportive but inside im worried, scared, angry and feeling completely useless.
     
  34. Jun 28, 2014
  35. dunover

    dunover Unofficial T&C's Editor CAG PABnononaccred PABnonaccred PABinit mm3 webmeister

    Occupation:
    International Money Launderer
    Location:
    the bus shelter, opposite GCHQ Benhall
    OK assuming this is your wife and not you:

    Addicts are sly, and will easily reproduce/remember details when it suits them to buy their 'pleasure'. As she used your card but apparently the casino account was NOT in your name, then SKYVEGAS have a few questions to answer too. Addicts are desperate people, and how do we know you weren't complicit in this? She proposed a 'risk-free' bit of gambling to you, an attempt to recover previous losses? Sorry, but it does happen.

    OK, that's the cynicism done with. You HAVE to report the offence. For that amount she WILL be prosecuted, very lucky if she just got a caution. Her name will be in the local paper but you'll get that vital family money back. Then you need to take stringent steps and manage ALL finances yourself. She will not go to prison, mothers are only jailed here as a last resort. That's assuming a clean previous character record. Even our resident lawyer Vinylweatherman would back me up on that.

    But that's just the first part of a long struggle. Reporting to the Police, the stress and publicity if it goes to court and getting the money back is the EASY part. What comes after is not. A daily struggle to manage the issues, put time between the urges to gamble and to rebuild trust while dealing with the inevitable depression she will have. Shielding the kids from it while putting on a brave face.

    Reporting it is the first step on a long uphill path, but nevertheless is the first big step.
     
    3 people like this.
  36. Jun 29, 2014
  37. BMWSTACK

    BMWSTACK Ueber Meister

    Occupation:
    Work
    Location:
    US
    Right when I read it this is what I was thinking of, I was about to start pulling history, but looked right down below and you already had it.:thumbsup:

    Does your wife work? Is there a way to get a job that pays quickly or daily with tips? Server or odd jobs? She certainly should be held accountable.

    Yes I can see where they don't want to discuss with you. Yes indeed if the site has some jurisdiction where you are, there is always the possibility they do something legally to pursue the perpetrator .

    How was her intent not malicious or fraudulent? Your saying she stole money. You even saying this and making excuses is never going to help fix the problem. The whole situation was exactly that Malicious and Fraudulent, unless you gave her permission to gamble "some money"

    It is obviously a bad situation, but I am not entirely supportive of people making an attempt to get the money back. The focus should be on getting the problem fixed along with going and earning extra money asap. Essentially when your married its basically community property, you both have the rights to each others things including money. Spouses taking money and belongings happen everyday, and although people may want property or money back, it probably rarely happens. For example If a wife didn't work, and she went to a bar everyday spending lots of money, and at the end of the month when the husband goes to pay the bills and there is no money left , would the husband go back to the bar and say she used their money fraudulently and he needs all the money she spent there in the last month? Again when married it really is community belongings.

    Again it is a bad situation especially with bills and kids, but the focus needs to be "how to get money quickly legally". Even if there was a way to get money back I am sure its a long process and it sounds like money is needed now.
     
    2 people like this.
  38. Jun 29, 2014
  39. richieo

    richieo Dormant account

    Occupation:
    supervisor
    Location:
    london
    And believe you me I have every thought that we have a very long and hard road ahead. Me and her parents had already put certain restrictions in place to make it harder for her to gamble but obviously was nowhere near enough and I shoulder somequalities blame on that I should have been more vigilant.
    Im keeping this quiet from her parents until I figure out whatmassive the next step.

    You mention money like this is my only concern and im just being greedy but let me tell you I work hard manual work to provide for my family and it has taken awhile to build up my savings, my bills are still unpaid and my children require things for the rest of the month. So its not clean cut oh lets just forget the money, let me tell you this is most prob one of the hardest situation ive ever been in have the woman you love and know has problems get convicted face the embarrassement of if this does become public knowledge, The effects this will have on my wife and her career, the effect it will have on my children to find out their mum committed a crime and has a serious gambling problem to have shattered the views and behaviours we have taught them to do the right and honest thing but their mum has gone against this the pain and distress her parents will feel considering they are medetaranian and don't even believe in gambling.
    The long hard road with treatment the constantly looking over my shoulder and wondering is she lying to me.Mate I wish i could just say Fxxx it lets forget this and move on but i married her because i love her she is an amazing woman with great qualities my kids adore her and couldn't ask for a better mother but she also has her faults the biggest being she has a massive gambling addiction.
    so you tell me mate whats the easy simple fix it answer coz if you know I would love to know it.

    As for the little comments on what if im guilty and its a scam and we thought easy money please if this was the case we are seriously retarded how the hell can anyone think this is a fruitful scam no way would I risk playing huge amounts of money and hoping im going to win big if this was the case wouldn't rich gamblers be rolling in dosh instead of most of them drowning in debt??
    Yeah mate I must be completely crazy if I had planned this as a scam.
    Also at no point have I ever denied my wifes wrong doings due to her gambling problems or have I ever shown any positivity or lack of concern for her actions or the deceitful things she has done but if you knew her you would know this is her weaknesses her gambling addiction because in every other aspect of life she is kind honest helpful and smart sometimes too bloody smart as she always has to have the last word lol.

    I dont mind peoples writting their opinions thats their opinions awhile back I might have even agreed but until you faced with this kind of situation you can never truly understand the emotions.
    But I do take offence in people trying to comment on what im thinking or not thinking or ridicule my actions when they have no clue on how difficult and splitting in two the decisions ive made and still have to make.
    I wish it was all about the money it would be much easier to deal with but unless you been in this kind of strife before you wont begin to understand.
    And I seriously wish that others dont have to go through similar situations but unfortunately the addictions gambling drugs drink whichever they may be are the devils right hand and have a way of sucking your loved ones in soo deep.
     

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