Enough is enough!

[HRS1986]

Hi,

Often read the forums but never really posted before unless I’ve had some sort of problem linked to my addiction.

Never really been honest before so thought a post might help. Enough is enough and I need to stop.

I will start off by saying that I am problem gambler in my late 30’s and have struggled with gambling problems since around 16/17 years of age. Gambling has ruined my life in many ways. I have run up numerous debts which I still have the burden of today. However, it is not just the financial aspect it also the other impacts. More importantly It’s taken away my social life, friendships, family relationships and ruined my own relationships. I’m at a stage now where I feel like I’ll probably never own a house or start a family which are things I wanted. I’ve just this week opened up about my problems and in the process of arranging talking therapy and have been prescribed medication to help with my depression and anxiety which I believe I have brought on myself due to the gambling. I now accept that my health, the debt etc. is my own doing. Previously I have blamed companies and tried to get refunds etc. which was wrong.

Over the years I’ve had various counselling, therapy, Gamblers Anonymous and self excluded from more companies than I could name. I could have done more such as register with GamStop etc. but like any addict I’ve always wanted that fix and therefore not done enough.

My downfall has been slots but over the years I’ve also lost a lot through sports betting. I’ve self excluded myself from most places but I was looking this week and even an account with Skybet which only has access to sports betting and was by no means a main account shocks me at how stupid I’ve been. I had previously self the excluded the account due to my gambling problems but around 2018 the account was reinstated with only sports betting at my request after the exclusion finished but when I looked before closing the account this year alone I’ve deposited over £17,000.00 to that account with multiple months depositing more than my monthly salary with the deposit limit set at £1000 a week.

This is just an example of how stupid I’ve been as this was just something I saw as the odd football bet/ horse racing bet on top of the slots elsewhere.

I now have things in place regarding my health but if anyone has any suggestions or advice which has helped them it would be appreciated. I know it won’t be easy but at least I’m now admitting things and if I don’t do something to try and improve things it won’t be good for me.

Thanks

 

[bamberfishcake]

Well done for being so honest and open, keep doing that with yourself and you will be fine.

Rekindling friendships, embracing family and getting your social life back, life-changing stuff for some, is not out of reach for anyone and can literally change in an instant. I have a friend who had a few problems and although he did some awful stuff, I honestly miss him and just feel regret, no hate. Don't know where he is but if he turned up on my doorstep, I would give him a big hug - it would make my day.

I am sure your friends and family, no matter what you have done, are as capable of making mistakes as the rest of us and just miss you being around.

Don't beat yourself up, it serves no purpose other than to drag you deeper into loneliness and depression.

Arrange to go out, see an old friend, call family, and remain true, open and honest with yourself and others - about the only advice I can give that's helped me through times of trouble. Personally found listening to music a great mood-lifter and going to the gym or seeing friends.

 

[Lincolnuk]

There's no Silver Bullet but plenty of support and help out there. Your half way on the road to recovery already by taking the hardest step. And that's admitting you have the problem. As I'm no expert in the area all i can do is send you my best wishes and wish you all the luck in the world

 

[HRS1986]

Thank you for the replies. Means a lot people taking the time to reply.

It’s hard being honest but even harder is being totally honest with friends and family as feel like such a let down to them but the comments and advice give me encouragement and hope so thanks again.

 

[greylady]

Thank you for the replies. Means a lot people taking the time to reply.

It’s hard being honest but even harder is being totally honest with friends and family as feel like such a let down to them but the comments and advice give me encouragement and hope so thanks again.

Is there a hobby/activity you really enjoy taking part in?

I would try and fill your time, keep yourself busy as usually when boredom sets in you will in turn try gambling again.

Reach out to people you know you can trust, is there someone you could reconnect with and let them know why you have retreated from the world. You only have to give as much detail as you want and now is the turning point, you want to re-start your life. We all have skeletons in our closet, so to speak, nothing to feel ashamed about so see this as day 1 on your way to recovery and take it one day at a time.

Good luck.

 

[bamberfishcake]

We all have skeletons in our closet, so to speak, nothing to feel ashamed about so see this as day 1 on your way to recovery and take it one day at a time.

I think that's a great point, often it's our own shame that restricts us from taking a step forward. There is something liberating and human about saying 'I messed up' and most people are understanding, supportive and want to help.

@HRS1986 you could also install programs like BetBlocker and NetNanny to help prevent any further gambling. And visit safergamblinguk.org for professional help and advice.

But, don't stay feeling ashamed and don't stay lonely with your own thoughts. Life is always easier, and more fun, with family and friends.

 

[shadow123]

Not really had a problem with gambling for a few years now although I started a very long time ago when I
was 15 resulting in some dire consquences and went way over the top when I started online 20 odd years ago,almost
resulting in me losing everything.Nowdays I only play for fun , well within my limits and never feel the need to go silly
again.With all the changes underway, I was and still am pretty dissolutioned with whole thing and decieded I needed
something different to occupy my time so thought I would try woodturning, something that has always interested me.
Got all the kit and watched no end of you tube videos and really into it now,I do still gamble a little but it is no longer
the major part of my life that it was,I am far happier to spend a few hours turning and end up with the satisfaction of learning
and making something nice instead of being hunched over a pc wasting time and pissing money away on what is really
a pointess pastime.Would definately recommend doing something totally different, it helps to restore life balance.

 

[neon claws]

Sounds familiar, things that helped me:
Don't think of it as quitting forever, although that helps alleviate some guilt for a day or two pretty soon the cravings will be back, set an attainable timeline, that might be six months or even only a week depending on previous habits. Just focus on getting through that period by distracting yourself with whatever else you can muster up an interest in and by the end of it hopefully you'll notice it's a bit easier to continue with another six months/week.
Personally I had no luck at all my whole life with medication for anxiety or depression until I tried mushrooms, they really made me realise what I was doing with my life wasn't working. I have had larger doses maybe only four times and gained valuable insight, I also microdose twice a week to help keep the blues at bay.
I also had success with using naltrexone via the Sinclair method to stop drinking which was very tightly linked to the gambling.
Eventually I was able to come back to gambling in a moderate way, since I have a young family now I don't really have time or desire to go full Degen anymore, and very effective financial controls in place are important, if you have someone you trust to take control of the money then do that with strict rules.
Hope this helps and well done, good luck.

 

[airtman]

My advise to you: try to calm your addiction with free online casino games. Do not stake money anymore. But keep enjoying the fun of playing games. With time your addiction will wear off because you are not losing anything even if time is being lost.

Your mental health will be restored gradually.

 

[deepsky2]

To help with your depression I recommend buying the book Mind Over Mood.

 

[neon claws]

Eventually I was able to come back to gambling in a moderate way, since I have a young family now I don't really have time or desire to go full Degen anymore

Just lost $22,000.
so I guess keep in mind that the degenerate is always lurking and don't ever get cocky.
Worse yet (arguably) is I have to get my kids to preschool in two hours and I've had no sleep but plenty of vodka and now valium to prevent myself self harming.

We all put on this bravado facade as if we're in control but it's almost a prerequisite of gambling that you have no control otherwise why would you even start.

The wife will have to take the kids to preschool and I guess I'll have to have the conversation again about why the emergency valium was broken out.


Sorry for the hijack.

 

[WilliamSchach]

Yes, sometimes I also feel like I am burning out. Sympathize with you guys.