Depression and Teens

[rena35]

First i would like to say i thought long and hard before i started this thread. I am fighting chronic illness but i do not speak on it much. I see a list of doctors the two most notable are the Lupus specialist and now cancer specialist. I get sad and cranky but not depressed. I slay my dragons and keep a positive out look when i start feeling down. This thread is about my daughter. She is 15 and a bit overweight. She is a very beautiful young lady but is getting teased at school. Recently the counselor called when she missed a day of school because of a fever and chills. She apparently posted on social media she did not want to live anymore. I spoke with her but she is telling me she was quoting the words to a song. I still set an appointment for her to speak to a physiologist. I don't know if that is a bit overboard or what to do at this point. She wants to go to a few places and i am working hard to make that happen. 2017 was a bad year for me, i lost it all. My home, my brother who was a veteran , my income and my dog of 16 yrs. Thanks to a friend i am posting on a forum where you earn money to post . Also i babysit and sit with the elderly . I have never been much of a gambler but i have cut down to my 50 bucks at 3 dice and that is it. I save whatever i can so i can take my daughter to the fun day she wants. My first husband passed and i am divorced now. I don't go out much because i am always sick. Not asking for anything but advice. I did do google searches on the topic of depression and teens. My daughter seems happy but it still bothers me. I wish i could slay her dragons and mine at the same time. I have always been a fighter but some things you just do not know how to fight. Thanks in advance for any insight or suggestions anyone has.

 

[dionysus]

well, teens are notoriously angsty (not that that doesn't preclude depression).
My best advice is to assure her that she can and always will have an open line of communication with you.
Spark adult conversations like suicide, depression, anxiety, .....life....and gauge her feelings. These don't need to be instrusive; broach them like normal, necessary conversations.
Pop a big old bag of popcorn and have a movie night.
Share your own experiences so she knows she isnt alone in her thoughts.
Ask her opinions and make her feel hers are valid.

 

[TheAverageGuy]

Best cure for an abundance of negative is some intentional positivity, find things to do together, walks, cards, board games, skipping stones, arm wrestling? The what isn't so important, just the shift in focus. There's nothing like some quality time with a loved one, sharing laughs and conversation to let a little light into a dark mood/mindset.

Remember that life is.. we can't control what has happened, what is happening or what will happen, the only thing we ultimately have control over is how we act and react in the face of it. As long as the next breath comes, the sun still rises in the morning and Canadians say eh.. all else will pass. There's only one obstacle in life you'll ever encounter that the preceding won't prove true on... and we won't be around to fret about it.. so enjoy the moments you have, don't waste them on the ones past or to come.

If you're going to choose to dwell on an emotion.. it may as well be hope...

With genuine sincerity, I wish you the best to be found in every moment waiting to be enjoyed.

Cheers!

 

[bebo67]

Having a willful daughter, I always had to be 5 steps ahead. Teens will lie, but I can give you some ideas as a parent. First of all never be afraid of speaking about suicide, self harm, sex, relationships etc. Privacy while its important, its also moot when you are concerned, but there are ways to get around it without her knowing.
1) Razers. Keep an eye out for the heads missing. They can be easily slid out, even in the disposables. Garbage cans, under beds, light fixtures in the ceiling, floor rads. All these are great hiding places for teens
2) Long shirts, hoodies on hot days
3) Keep all meds locked up, even cough medicine
4) Keep her busy
5) Allow her friends over
6) Never leave anything out that can hurt her. Lock up when you go to bed and when you go out.

 

[colinsunderland]

We all want our kids to be happy, so I can't imagine what you are going through at the moment, especially thinking she might self harm or something after what she wrote. I think, from your post, you are still trying to get over 2017 so this is probably not helping, and she has lost all those things too presumably
I don't think getting professional help is going overboard at all, yes she might have been quoting song lyrics (which you could google to possibly find out?) but if not then you will be happy you did get help at some point. Does she leave school soon? Not sure the leaving age in the US, but hopefully she doesn't have much longer to put up with pathetic bullies.
All the advice given is excellent, and I don't really have much more to add, but I hope she's ok

 

[rena35]

@colinsunderland no she doesn't leave school soon. She is jr beta club, jr ROTC and A,B honor roll. She misses her old school and i think that is a big issue. We have been in this new home since Sept of 2017 so after suffering these loses i think that is adding to it all. I did consider home schooling but i fear that will teach her to run from her problems.

@dionysus and @TheAverageGuy She has said recently that i never listen to her and i am always busy. Taking care of home and trying to keep a roof over our heads have been number 1 and when i have down time i either read, work on my poetry or spin the reels. Usually the reel spinning is done mostly in the morning when all is done. It is amazing how you guys knew that even though i tried to keep my post short. The fun ideas are appreciated. Popcorn and movie night sounds grand. Conversation does too. I usually keep everything to myself as far as health and finances . I appear to be invincible to people on the outside looking in but i do have my weaknesses . Maybe i should open up a bit to her more but being from the days we kept everything to ourselves, it will be a change.

@bebo67 Thank you for the suggestions. Kids did not come with how to manuals and every suggestion is welcome. She is acting like a normal teen but that is my worry. How much of that is pretend just to keep me from prying . This is one road i would have rather not gone down but such is life. I am glad her few friends did tell someone and i am forever appreciative . From my limited research and knowledge on this, it seems some friends never tell until its too late . Some kind of code of silence or not wanting to be labeled a tell a tale. I can not say i have not been warned and will do all i can to help now.

Sorry, i tried to use the quote button but it did not work. I thank you all for taking the time to share some insight . Depression is a big deal and should not be made light of. Hoping the problem will go away or ignoring the issue will never work. This with everything else i have to face head on and try my best to understand and help. Everyone's different and where in i can be sad and not dwell in that sadness too long some can not. All i can do is hope the road ahead will be one that my daughter and i can travel together and come out with a beautiful bond. Im ready.

 

[bebo67]

@colinsunderland no she doesn't leave school soon. She is jr beta club, jr ROTC and A,B honor roll. She misses her old school and i think that is a big issue. We have been in this new home since Sept of 2017 so after suffering these loses i think that is adding to it all. I did consider home schooling but i fear that will teach her to run from her problems.

@dionysus and @TheAverageGuy She has said recently that i never listen to her and i am always busy. Taking care of home and trying to keep a roof over our heads have been number 1 and when i have down time i either read, work on my poetry or spin the reels. Usually the reel spinning is done mostly in the morning when all is done. It is amazing how you guys knew that even though i tried to keep my post short. The fun ideas are appreciated. Popcorn and movie night sounds grand. Conversation does too. I usually keep everything to myself as far as health and finances . I appear to be invincible to people on the outside looking in but i do have my weaknesses . Maybe i should open up a bit to her more but being from the days we kept everything to ourselves, it will be a change.

@bebo67 Thank you for the suggestions. Kids did not come with how to manuals and every suggestion is welcome. She is acting like a normal teen but that is my worry. How much of that is pretend just to keep me from prying . This is one road i would have rather not gone down but such is life. I am glad her few friends did tell someone and i am forever appreciative . From my limited research and knowledge on this, it seems some friends never tell until its too late . Some kind of code of silence or not wanting to be labeled a tell a tale. I can not say i have not been warned and will do all i can to help now.

Sorry, i tried to use the quote button but it did not work. I thank you all for taking the time to share some insight . Depression is a big deal and should not be made light of. Hoping the problem will go away or ignoring the issue will never work. This with everything else i have to face head on and try my best to understand and help. Everyone's different and where in i can be sad and not dwell in that sadness too long some can not. All i can do is hope the road ahead will be one that my daughter and i can travel together and come out with a beautiful bond. Im ready.

Big hugs to you mamma! Nothing like the love of your offspring to bring out such strength. You've got this!