Birthday Jokes

[BingoT]

Birthday Jokes

Q: What do you give nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!

Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
A: "Happy Birthday
To Gnu!"

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."

Q: Did you hear about the flag's birthday?
A: It was a flappy one!

Q: Did you hear about the tree's birthday?
A: It was a sappy one!

Q: What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake?
A: "Hey, what's eating you?"

Q: Did you hear about the dancer's birthday?
A: It was a tappy one!

Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!

Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
A: When it's been sliced.

Q: How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?
A: He has a whale of a party!

Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
A: "Hi, Buster."

Q: What did one candle say to the other?
A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"

Q: Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
A: In a cat-alogue!

Q: What did the big candle say to the little candle?
A: "You're too young to go out."

Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
A: Because it was marble cake!

Q: What does a clam do on his birthday?
A: He shellabrates!

Q: How can you tell that you're getting old?
A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A: Angel food cake, of course!

Q: What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake?
A: Shortcake!

Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
A: A birthday pheasant!

Q: Where does a snowman put his birthday candles?
A: On his birthday flake!

Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
A: Mice cream and cake!

Q: What party game
do rabbits like to play?
A: Musical Hares.

 

[BingoT]

You Know You're Getting Old When...

"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.

All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.

The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

When happy hour is a nap.

When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.

When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

When you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.

When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

When you stop buying green bananas.

When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

When you were in school there was no history class!

When your birth certificate
says expired on it.

When you're told to act your own age, and you die.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

You are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."