Blast from the past
THIS post from Roy had me rolling for hours!...
"Well here`s mine, no minor tales 1st, and an event that still makes me cringe today, but 1st a slight build up - Many years ago there was a comic strip called Wicked Willy portraying a man and his relationship with his very unpredictable manhood, whom most of the time would do what he was supposed to do when he should not and vice versa, and believe me when I state that comic could have been based on me and mine, whose favourite trick up to this day is doing his thing every single time I have a slow dance, imagine how many times this has been the brunt of embarrassment for me at weddings etc when my gf`s at the respective times have got me to dance with their nan`s, mum`s etcetera (but never their cute sisters, bitches lol).
I was going to start with one such case which was my 18th birthday party and a very close friend of my Mother`s who was in her early 30`s then and was an absolute Goddess, she looked like Anita Harris did when she was young and had one of the most amazing bodies ever, and was at the root of all my schoolboy fantasies and beyond if the truth were known lol, and there she was at my party wearing a skin hugging black mini skirt dress that looked like it had been sprayed on, i`ll never forget that dance lol.
But anyway`s, here is my most embarrassing moment of my life upto and including today, you really have to get into the moment here, focus on those cringe-worthy times when meeting the one day to be in-laws, when something as small as uttering the wrong word at the wrong time can have your face redder than a sunburnt tomato covered in red sauce.
Here goes......
It happened many years ago when I was 21, and like many stories of this ilk it centres around in-laws and a slightly adult theme.
It was meet the girlfriends parents and family night which coincided with football training. The plans were laid that my gf would pick me up after training and take me to her parents house, whilst bringing a change of clothes for me also. She turns up bang on time but has forgot to bring my clothes, which leaves me with just my joggers and t-shirt, we decide there is not enough time to go home 1st and change so we head towards her parents home.
Being a true frisky Essex girl my gf en route starts being very naughty, needless to say when we arrive at her parents house I have to stay in the car for a few minutes to calm down a bit. After a few minutes I pluck up courage and enter the house (still in a semi state of horniness) as I enter the room my heart falls to my feet, it could not be more crammed with her relatives, I make my excuses for not entering with her and head for the only seat available (oh boy if I knew what was to happen very shortly i`d have sat on the floor lol), right next to my prospective mother in law to be.
After the informal introductions to her parents, brother and wife plus kids, uncle and auntie, and nan, I start feeling more relaxed and the relative chat starts flowing I now feel a whole lot more relaxed, until, out of the blue the family cat enters the room and decides my lap is favourite place for a nap, and up he jumps.
As I start stroking him he starts that cat thing with his paws, which are placed at a very strategic and highly sensitive place, I stop stroking him, but to no avail, his paws keep doing that pawing thing they do, the alarm bells start ringing and i`m screaming inside at my nether regions `Don`t you dare, don`t you f^%$<>g dare`, to late, he dared.
Amongst all the turmoil going on inside my head I had completely lost all track with the conversation in the room, which had now entered the dinner is ready stage, and were awaiting for me to lead them into the kitchen, the room was now completely silent, I can now feel the sweat dripping from my forehead as I dig deep inside for a plan to disguise my present state, which is not helped at all by the joggers I have on.
My plan was simple, keep the cat pressed against me as I stand whilst at the same time trying to arrange my t-shirt as to cover myself and protect my dignity, `great plan` I silently thought to myself.. `Here goes`, I am now pressing the cat tightly into me and at this stage I don`t know whom is the most scared, me or the cat, when a catalogue of events that could not have been better prepared for a comedy film slot together perfectly.
Imagine the scenario, as i`m rising and holding the cat for dear life, the mother in law starts speaking to me, in one complete action i`m starting to stand, whilst turning to face her, as the cat decides f%^k this and digs both sets of claws deep into my family jewels causing me to release him and thrust myself towards the way am I now facing, the mother in law, the look on her face as my impending manhood stops short about an inch from her right eye is scarred deep in my memory lol, there are gasps from around the room and an eerie silence, broken only by good old nan as she utters.. `Oh he likes cats don`t he!!`, priceless, absolutely priceless lol.
I defy anyone to have a more embarrassing story than this lol."
I laughed so hard!
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