1) A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a
killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and
says,
'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these
pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of
tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh,
"Put the cornflakes back in the box..."
4) A soldier is on patrol in Afghanistan and he comes upon an Afghan farmer at his farm. He looks around and then approaches the farmer.
"How is everything here on your farm? Are you treating your animals well?"
"Yes," replies the Afghan, "very well."
"Great," says the soldier. He looks over and sees a cow in the barn. "You mind if I ask the cow how you're treating her?"
"Cow no talk," says the farmer.
Regardless, the soldier approaches the cow and starts chatting with it, asking it how things are going. "Well, he takes good care of me. He milks me every morning and keeps us in good pastures with good grass to eat. I'm doing just fine."
The farmer's mouth is agape as he cannot believe what he is hearing! The soldier returns to the farmer's side and asks, "How bout the horse? Can I chat with him about the farm?"
Again the farmer replies, "Horse no talk." But the soldier approaches the horse, asks him how things are, and the horse says, "Things are pretty good. The farmer brings me fresh hay every week and we go riding every Friday to check the fences. Not bad at all, very happy to be here."
The farmer nearly can't believe his own eyes and ears. He is scratching his head in bewilderment as the soldier returns.
The soldier says, "So, how about I talk to one of your sheep..."
The Afghan farmer breaks in quickly, "Sheep lie! Sheep lie!"
5) A cowboy is riding across the plains of the old west, when he is captured by Indians. The tribe puts him on trial for crimes against the Indian Nation, and he is found guilty. "You have been sentenced to death," said the Chief, "but, as is our custom, you have three wishes to make as your last requests."
The cowboy thought for a minute and said, "Well, for my first wish, I'll need my horse." "Give him his horse," said the Chief. The cowboy whispered something into the horses ear, and the horse took off like a shot across the prairie. Twenty minutes later, the horse returned with a beautiful blonde woman on it's back. The cowboy looked at this, shrugged his shoulders, and helped the young lady off the horse. He then took her into the woods and had his way with her.
"Second wish," said the Chief. "I'll need my horse again," said the cowboy. "Give him his horse," said the Chief. Once again, the cowboy whispered into the horse's ear, and once again the horse rode off over the prairie. Thirty minutes later, the horse returned with a beautiful red-head on it's back. The cowboy looked up and shrugged, helped the young lady off the horse, and went into the woods; same as before.
"This is your last wish," said the Chief, " make it a good one." "I'll need my horse again." "Give him his horse," said the Chief. The cowboy grabbed each side of the horse's head, and put his face right up to the horse's.
"I SAID POSSE!!!!!!!"
