weesie
Ueber Meister
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2010
- Location
- Old bag lady with a laptop
Love
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Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and keep them all to yourself?
Well, apparently that is called kidnapping....
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Biker
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A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while he waited, and so, since he didn't live far from the shop, he decided to walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped at the feed store / livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he had a problem... How to carry his entire purchases home.
The feed store owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" said the biker, and out the door he went.
In the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost, and asked if he could tell her the way to 1603 Mockingbird Lane.
The biker said, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane." We can take a short cut down this alley and be there in no time".
The little old lady looked him over cautiously, and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in Hell could I possibly hold you up against a wall and do that?"
The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
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Boobs
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A guy walking down the street sees a woman with lovely breasts. He says to her, “Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $200 dollars?”
“Are you nuts?!” she says, and keeps walking. He runs to keep up with her. “Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.
“Listen; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?”
But the guy persists. “Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $3,000 dollars?”
That stops her and she thinks about it for a while, and then says, “Hmm, $3,000 dollars, eh? OK, just once, but not too hard and not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.”
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most beautiful breasts he's ever seen. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?”
“Nah,” he replies. “Costs too much.”
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Toilet Seat
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A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."
---------
Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and keep them all to yourself?
Well, apparently that is called kidnapping....
----------------------------------------
Biker
--------
A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while he waited, and so, since he didn't live far from the shop, he decided to walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped at the feed store / livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he had a problem... How to carry his entire purchases home.
The feed store owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" said the biker, and out the door he went.
In the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost, and asked if he could tell her the way to 1603 Mockingbird Lane.
The biker said, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane." We can take a short cut down this alley and be there in no time".
The little old lady looked him over cautiously, and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in Hell could I possibly hold you up against a wall and do that?"
The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
-----------------------------------------------------
Boobs
---------
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with lovely breasts. He says to her, “Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $200 dollars?”
“Are you nuts?!” she says, and keeps walking. He runs to keep up with her. “Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.
“Listen; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?”
But the guy persists. “Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $3,000 dollars?”
That stops her and she thinks about it for a while, and then says, “Hmm, $3,000 dollars, eh? OK, just once, but not too hard and not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.”
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most beautiful breasts he's ever seen. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?”
“Nah,” he replies. “Costs too much.”
----------------------------------------------
Toilet Seat
----------------
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."
