Jokes from Florida for Old Folks

[BingoT]

Jokes from Florida for Old Folks

Two elderly ladies are sitting on a porch in West Palm Beach. One says
to the other 'Do you still get horny?' The other replies, 'Oh sure I
do.' The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?' The second old
lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.' After a few moments, the first old
lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'

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Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in
Ft. Lauderdale reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the
green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness
of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger
and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could
buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I
remember the guy you're talking about.

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A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida
Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the
bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'
He replies, 'I lived here years ago.' 'So, where were you all these
years?' 'In prison,' he says. 'Why did they put you in prison?' He
looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.' 'Oh!' said the
woman. 'So you're single...?!'

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Two elderly people living in Ft. Myers, he was a widower and she a
widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was
a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.

The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the
courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?'

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes.
Yes, I will!'

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to
their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say
'yes' or did she say 'no'?'

He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not
even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and
called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then
he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage,
he inquired, 'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or
did you say 'No'?'

He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I
meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.'

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A man was telling his neighbor in Miami, 'I just bought a new hearing
aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor in Estero to get a
physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're
really doing great, aren't you?'

'Just doing what you said, Doc : 'Get a hot mamma' and 'be
cheerful.'',Morris replied.

To which doctor said, 'I didn't say that, Morris. I said, 'You've got a
heart murmur, be careful!'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream
parlor in Naples, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids!'