- Joined
- Aug 26, 2010
- Location
- Old bag lady with a laptop
Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?"
She says, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
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A blonde goes to the vet with her gold fish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!"
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A blonde spies a letter lying on her doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND"
She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
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A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic.
Her husband says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
"Here boy!" she replies.
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A blond is in jail. A guard looks in her cell and sees her hanging by her feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck!" says the Guard. "I know," she replies, "but I couldn't breathe."
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(Now this one actually makes sense...lol)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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And one more................Not blonde
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Bikini
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied.
"You'd never get it all in one."
One asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?"
She says, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde goes to the vet with her gold fish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde spies a letter lying on her doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND"
She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic.
Her husband says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
"Here boy!" she replies.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blond is in jail. A guard looks in her cell and sees her hanging by her feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck!" says the Guard. "I know," she replies, "but I couldn't breathe."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Now this one actually makes sense...lol)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And one more................Not blonde
-------------------------
Bikini
-------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied.
"You'd never get it all in one."
from one blonde to another 
