The daughter came skipping up after school and told her mom, "Momma,none of the kids could say their alphabet in school today, but I could. Her mother said "Thats wonderful honey". Her daughter said "Is it cause I'm a blonde?" Her mom said "Yes honey, its because you are a blonde".Next day,"Momma, none of the kids could count to ten but I could"."Thats wonderful honey". Is it cause I am a blonde?" Yes honey,its because you are a blonde. The next day she ran in the house and pulled up her shirt, revealing a 36c chest. "Momma, are these cause I am a blonde?" "No, replied the mother,Those are because you are 25" hehe
another blonde joke...and I am a blonde
- Thread starter reed26
- Start date
Three blonde girls were walking along a beach, one see's something in the sand, she picks it up to find it's a small brass lamp, she starts rubbing it to clean off the sand, a genie appears and said, "since there are 3 of you, I'll grant each of you one wish. Excited the first blonde wished to be 25% dumber, POOF, it is done said the genie, the blonde forgot her name. The second blonde see's this and becomes very excited, she then wishes to be 50% dumber, POOF, it is done said the genie, she becomes incoherent, couldn't remember anything. The third blonde jumps up and down, clapping her hands and says, "I wish to be 100% dumber. POOF, it is done said the genie.... she turns into a man .. hahahaha
Sorry guys, it's just a joke posted by a dumb blonde.. heehee
Sorry guys, it's just a joke posted by a dumb blonde.. heehee
- Joined
- Jun 30, 1998
- Location
- Bierland
She was so blonde:
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
...they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius."
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
...she studied for a blood test ...and failed.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
...she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
...she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
...she sold the car for gas money.
...when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
...they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius."
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
...she studied for a blood test ...and failed.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
...she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
...she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
...she sold the car for gas money.
...when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
orlandonative
Dormant account
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2003
A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house.
She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door.
He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do.
The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints?
The blonde says, "Sure anything."
"Well, I've been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?" the man replies.
"I don't know, say $50 bucks."
"Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside.
His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks.
The astonished wife says, "$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more."
"But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb blonde!"
10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blone stands there and says, "All done."
With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting the entire porch."
"Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari."
She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door.
He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do.
The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints?
The blonde says, "Sure anything."
"Well, I've been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?" the man replies.
"I don't know, say $50 bucks."
"Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside.
His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks.
The astonished wife says, "$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more."
"But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb blonde!"
10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blone stands there and says, "All done."
With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting the entire porch."
"Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari."
orlandonative
Dormant account
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2003
Did You Hear About The Blonde That ...
Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2 to 4 years.
Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
Couldn't call 911 because there is no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered 'C.'
What goes 'vroom-screech-vroom-screech-etc? A blonde at a flashing red light.
Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says 'hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down.'
Burnt her nose bobbing for French-fries.
You shouldn't let blondes take coffee breaks; it takes too long to retrain them.
She baked a turkey for 3 1/2 days because the instructions said 1/2 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.
Got hurt while raking leaves -- fell out of the tree.
Changes the babies diaper only once a month because the label said 'good for up to 20 pounds'.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2 to 4 years.
Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
Couldn't call 911 because there is no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered 'C.'
What goes 'vroom-screech-vroom-screech-etc? A blonde at a flashing red light.
Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says 'hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down.'
Burnt her nose bobbing for French-fries.
You shouldn't let blondes take coffee breaks; it takes too long to retrain them.
She baked a turkey for 3 1/2 days because the instructions said 1/2 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.
Got hurt while raking leaves -- fell out of the tree.
Changes the babies diaper only once a month because the label said 'good for up to 20 pounds'.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
Did you hear what happened to the blonde tap-dancer?
She fell into the sink.
***
A dumb blonde was invited on an outing so she decided to shop for some luggage. She asked the clerk, "Do you have any overnight cases?"
"Yes'm," he said.
"You'd better give me seven of them, then. I'll be gone a week."
***
What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
She fell into the sink.
***
A dumb blonde was invited on an outing so she decided to shop for some luggage. She asked the clerk, "Do you have any overnight cases?"
"Yes'm," he said.
"You'd better give me seven of them, then. I'll be gone a week."
***
What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Why did the blonde climb over the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
She said: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They
argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the exhaust.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
Did you here about the blonde who threw a stone at the ground?
She missed.
What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A brain tumor.
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. Then she goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun, but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She points the gun to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
To see what was on the other side.
What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
She said: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They
argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the exhaust.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
Did you here about the blonde who threw a stone at the ground?
She missed.
What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A brain tumor.
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. Then she goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun, but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She points the gun to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
