Tomestone Epitaphs & An Astrophysicist

[weesie]

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Strange and Funny Tombstones
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Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
car was on the way down. It was.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$

In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$*

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast. .
Pardon me
For not rising.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$*

A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange. .
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$**

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art
In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep;
And thou wilt find a Penny.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$**

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$**

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont

Here lies the body of our Anna -
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$**

In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon will be.
Prepare yourself and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the
tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went

#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$#$%$

Last add, from Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore
One slug from a 44
No Les
No More
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Astrophysicist
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For his entire working life, a dedicated and hardworking Astrophysicist tried in all earnest to find the existence of other being somewhere in the universe. After 58 years of constant effort, he finally receives a response from a planet 30 billion light years away.

“What is your planet like?” groaned the extraterrestrial from the other side of the Galaxy.

“It is 12,756 Kilometers in diameter, is 93,000,000 miles from the nearest star, our sun, has an average temperature of 72 degrees F. We breathe oxygen, live about 75 years, and have both men and women” answered the Physicist.

“Do the you get along with the women on your planet?” the extraterrestrial asked slowly.

Puzzled by the question, but not wanting to insult the female Physicists near by, he answered “Why yes. We get along quite well here.”

The extraterrestrial perked up “Can we send you ours?”
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