Scotland the brave

[manfreid88]

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub
together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they
were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each
of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued
drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too , picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over
the beer and then started yelling "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU
BASTARD!!!!"


Pope Pius dies


He comes to heavens gate and knocks.
St. Peter opens.
Peter: Hello Sir, what can I do for you?
Pius: I am Pope Pius, I want to get admitted!
Peter: Hmmm, Pius, hmm, sorry, never heard of this name Sir.
(looking in his book) I don't have you in my book either.
Pius: But I am Pope Pius! I have to get in!
Peter: Hmm, lets see what I can do for you (thinking)
We might ring Jesus, he knows a lot.
(taking up the phone and dialing) *ring*
Hi Junior, here is Peter, entrance gate, I have a little problem
down here. A "Pope Pius", ever heard of this name?
No? Well, thanks anyway, bye.
(to Pius) Well, you heard it Sir, he doesn't know you either.
Pius: But I AM the POPE, Pope Pius, and I have to get in!
Peter: Well, lets see, hmmm, we might ring God, he really knows a lot. (smile)
(takeing up the phone again and dialing) *ring*
Hi Boss, Peter here, I have a small problem here, ever heard of someone
calling himself Pope Pius? ... Oh, I see, thanks anyway ...
By the way, how is Mary? ... Really? ... Well thanks again, bye.
(to Pius) Well, Sir, he doesn't know you either, but we have got a last
chance. We might ring the Holy Ghost, he REALLY knows a lot.
(takeing up the phone again and dialing) *ring*
Hi Smokey! Here is Peter from entrance gate, haveing a little problem
with someone calling himself Pius, Pope Pius...
Holy Ghostfrom the receiver) PIUS?! Did you say Pius, this motherfucking
bloody bastard who said such dirty things about Mary and me?






Holly driver!!


The Pope's Visit to the United States

When the Pope got off the plane, there was a beautiful limo
there waiting for him. His holiness went over to the limo
driver and told him that he had never driven a limo before,
and he wanted to try it. The limo driver said OK.... (of
course!)
The pope went driving around the city, and drove the wrong
way down a one-way street. Two cops in a cruiser stopped
the limo, and the first cop went up to talk to the driver,
and the second stayed in the car.
Soon the first cop came back, looking a little pale.
"I can't give this guy a ticket", said the first cop.
"Why not? He drove the wrong way down a one-way street!",
replied the second cop.
"Yes, but this guy's important!", responded cop1
"Well, is he more important than the mayor?", asked cop2.
"Oh yeah, he's more important than the mayor.", said cop1.
"Is he more important than the governor?", asked cop2.
"Yeah, he's more important than the governor.", replied
cop1.
"Well, is he more important than the PRESIDENT of the
UNITED STATES!?!", asked cop2.
"Oh yeah, he's much more important than the PRESIDENT of
the UNITED STATES!", replied cop1.
Rather annoyed, cop2 asks, "Who the heck IS this guy that's
more important than the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES!?!"
To this, cop1 replied, "Well, the POPE is driving,
YOU figure out who's in the BACK SEAT!!!!!