I couldn't help it- this is too funny
Dear Kotex,
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch
of
"Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
-Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
-Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
-Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling
fresh.
-Try Kotex blah blah blah other products
Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries.
Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8
glasses
of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report
back.
I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the
chocolate
from the vending machine. I guarandamntee that the first responders
will
be
females who just ovulated.
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" stuff like that
from
their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their
own
recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.
Printing out advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS
ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and
enough to
send a girl running to the Always brand.
Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not
fun
time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies
or
flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the product in
a
plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have
it
blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than
having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to
everyone in
the store.
The ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility at
every
stage, including at the point of purchase.
So take your tips for living and shove them right up your a**. (Try
drinking
six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're
doing
it!)
Ovarily Yours
Miss PMS
Dear Kotex,
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch
of
"Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
-Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
-Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
-Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling
fresh.
-Try Kotex blah blah blah other products
Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries.
Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8
glasses
of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report
back.
I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the
chocolate
from the vending machine. I guarandamntee that the first responders
will
be
females who just ovulated.
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" stuff like that
from
their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their
own
recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.
Printing out advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS
ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and
enough to
send a girl running to the Always brand.
Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not
fun
time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies
or
flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the product in
a
plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have
it
blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than
having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to
everyone in
the store.
The ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility at
every
stage, including at the point of purchase.
So take your tips for living and shove them right up your a**. (Try
drinking
six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're
doing
it!)
Ovarily Yours
Miss PMS
