BingoT
Nurses love to give shots
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2004
- Location
- Palm Bay Florida
Nudists Jokes
There was the young lady who was arrested for wearing a two-piece
outfit to the beach...Socks.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of
other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of
course, men are just grateful.
10 Things Not To Do In the Nude
10.> Fry bacon
9.> Arc weld
8.> Bathe a cat
7.> Operate a snow blower
6.> Clear a patch of poison ivy
5.> Insulate the attic with fiberglass
4.> Operate a lathe
3.> Present a children's television show
2.> Take Mass with the Pope
1.> Pick up a dime from a San Francisco sidewalk
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he
stepped out of the shower.
"Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear
to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing
there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in
my pants!"
The marriage ceremony was being held at the nudist colony.
The minister asked the bride, "Do you take this man?"
The bride-to-be said, "Well, if I had a choice, there's a
guy in the second row..."
A couple went to a gallery to look at some art. One painting was
of a beautiful, naked woman with only a little foliage covering the
appropriate areas. The wife thought the picture was in bad taste
and moved on quickly, but the husband lingered, completely transfixed.
"What are you waiting for?" called his wife. "Autumn?"
A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure
of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or
they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs
from the bedroom, completely naked except on her feet were a big
old floppy pair of boots.
"Where is your costume?" the husband asked.
"This is it," replied his wife.
"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the husband.
"Why, I am going as Puss and Boots," explains the wife. "Now
hurry and get your costume on."
The husband went upstairs and was back in about two minutes.
He also was completely naked except he had a rose vase slid over
his penis.
"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the wife.
"I am a fire alarm," he replied.
"A fire alarm?" she repeated laughing.
"Yes," he replied. "In case of fire break the glass, pull twice
and I come."
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A NAKED WOMAN
1. Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon.
2. How many storage boxes can you fit in there?!?
3. You must be very experienced.
4. Remember, you said this was a freebie...right?
5. Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in.
6. I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it.
7. Why do you wear a bra when you've already got a belt.
8. Would you mind rolling around in this flour.
9. I heard carpenters dream about you.
10. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
11. Look.. I can get my whole arm in.
12. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
13. Is that an optical illusion?
14. If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in.
15. Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?
16. Do you mind if I wear one too...in case yours falls off?
17. Jeez...What ya got up there, dead fish?
18. I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
19. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
20. I've been wondering all night what that smell was.
21. Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body.
22. You know they have surgery to fix that.
23. Everybody down at the bar said you were good.
24. Oh, that's why they call it a Wonderbra, it makes those lines go away
25. Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel.
26. I expect a good time, at least, the bathroom wall said so.
27. You're not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway.
28. You're not 'that' fat.
29. I see why everyone said, with you, it's better with the lights out.
30. Wow, you like it the same way your little sister does.
There was the young lady who was arrested for wearing a two-piece
outfit to the beach...Socks.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of
other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of
course, men are just grateful.
10 Things Not To Do In the Nude
10.> Fry bacon
9.> Arc weld
8.> Bathe a cat
7.> Operate a snow blower
6.> Clear a patch of poison ivy
5.> Insulate the attic with fiberglass
4.> Operate a lathe
3.> Present a children's television show
2.> Take Mass with the Pope
1.> Pick up a dime from a San Francisco sidewalk
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he
stepped out of the shower.
"Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear
to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing
there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in
my pants!"
The marriage ceremony was being held at the nudist colony.
The minister asked the bride, "Do you take this man?"
The bride-to-be said, "Well, if I had a choice, there's a
guy in the second row..."
A couple went to a gallery to look at some art. One painting was
of a beautiful, naked woman with only a little foliage covering the
appropriate areas. The wife thought the picture was in bad taste
and moved on quickly, but the husband lingered, completely transfixed.
"What are you waiting for?" called his wife. "Autumn?"
A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure
of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or
they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs
from the bedroom, completely naked except on her feet were a big
old floppy pair of boots.
"Where is your costume?" the husband asked.
"This is it," replied his wife.
"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the husband.
"Why, I am going as Puss and Boots," explains the wife. "Now
hurry and get your costume on."
The husband went upstairs and was back in about two minutes.
He also was completely naked except he had a rose vase slid over
his penis.
"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the wife.
"I am a fire alarm," he replied.
"A fire alarm?" she repeated laughing.
"Yes," he replied. "In case of fire break the glass, pull twice
and I come."
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A NAKED WOMAN
1. Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon.
2. How many storage boxes can you fit in there?!?
3. You must be very experienced.
4. Remember, you said this was a freebie...right?
5. Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in.
6. I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it.
7. Why do you wear a bra when you've already got a belt.
8. Would you mind rolling around in this flour.
9. I heard carpenters dream about you.
10. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
11. Look.. I can get my whole arm in.
12. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
13. Is that an optical illusion?
14. If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in.
15. Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?
16. Do you mind if I wear one too...in case yours falls off?
17. Jeez...What ya got up there, dead fish?
18. I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
19. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
20. I've been wondering all night what that smell was.
21. Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body.
22. You know they have surgery to fix that.
23. Everybody down at the bar said you were good.
24. Oh, that's why they call it a Wonderbra, it makes those lines go away
25. Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel.
26. I expect a good time, at least, the bathroom wall said so.
27. You're not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway.
28. You're not 'that' fat.
29. I see why everyone said, with you, it's better with the lights out.
30. Wow, you like it the same way your little sister does.
