New Year Humour

[BingoT]

New Year Humour


New Year Nerd Resolutions

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'T
BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD

16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.

14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.

11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.

10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.

9. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.

8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.

7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.

6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.

5. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*

4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...

3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.

2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.

1. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.


Happy New Year Everyone here at Casinomeister
~T~

 

[BingoT]

Happy New Year - In Different Languages

Happy New Year

Afrikaans Gelukkige nuwe jaar
Arabic Sana Sa-eeda
Bengali Shuvo Nabo Barsho
Cambodian Soursdey Chhnam Tmei
Catalan Feliç Any Nou
Chinese (Mandarin) Xin Nian Kuai Le 謹 賀 新 年
Croatian Sretna Nova godina
Danish Godt Nytår
Dutch Gelukkig Nieuwjaar
Eskimo Kiortame pivdluaritlo
Esperanto Felican Novan Jaron
Finnish Onnellista Uutta Vuotta
French Bonne Année
Gaelic Bliadhna mhath ur
German Prosit Neujahr
Greek Kenourios Chronos
Hawaiian Hauoli Makahiki Hou
Hebrew L'Shannah Tovah
Hindi Naye Varsha Ki Shubhkamanyen
Hong Kong Sun Leen Fai Lok
Hungarian Boldog Ooy Ayvet
Indonesian Selamat Tahun Baru
Iranian Saleh now mobarak
Iraqi Sanah Jadidah
Irish Bliain nua fe mhaise dhuit
Italian Felice anno nuovo
Icelandic Farsælt komandi ár
Japanese Akimashite Omedetto Gozaimasu
Korean Saehae Bock Mani ba deu sei yo
Kurdish Newroz Pirozbe
Latvian Laimīgo Jauno Gadu!
Lithuanian Laimingu Naujuju Metu
Maltese Is Senat Tajba
Nepal Nawa Barsha ko Shuvakamana
Norwegian Godt Nyttår
Papua New Guinea Nupela yia i go long yu
Persian Saleh now ra tabrik migouyam
Philippines Manigong Bagong Taon
Polish Szczesliwego Nowego Roku
Portuguese Feliz Ano Novo
Punjabi Nave sal di mubarak
Romanian An Nou Fericit
Russian С Новым Годом (S Novim Godom)
Samoa Manuia le Tausaga Fou
Serbo-Croatian Sretna nova godina
Slovak A stastlivy Novy Rok
Slovenian Sreèno novo leto
Somali Iyo Sanad Cusub Oo Fiican
Spanish Féliz Año Nuevo
Swahili Heri Za Mwaka Mpyaº
Swedish Gott nytt år!
Sudanese Warsa Enggal
Tamil Eniya Puthandu Nalvazhthukkal
Thai Sawadee Pee Mai
Turkish Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian С Новым Годом Z novym rokom
Urdu Naya Saal Mubbarak Ho
Vietnamese Chuc Mung Tan Nien
Welsh Blwyddyn Newydd Dda

 

[BingoT]

Politician in Action

A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.

'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'

New Year Jokes - One Liners

To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year.
I gave up thinking.

Definition of a hangover:
Wrath of Grapes.

Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover

You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.
Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still."
Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.
The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.
You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.
You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
Your catch phrase is, "Never again."
You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.
Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"

 

[BingoT]

The Wisdom of An Angel

An angel appears at a meeting of religious leaders and tells their leader that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behaviour, God will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the leader selects infinite wisdom.

'Done!' says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the leader, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.

One of the others whispers, 'Say something.'

The leader sighs and says, 'I should have taken the money.'

^^^^^^^^^^^
Wise Words to Start the New Year

The early worm gets eaten!
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
Never argue with a fool, people may not know the difference.
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
You can't skip and be unhappy at the same time.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
How to Tell That You have Entered a New Year:

You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
You enter your password on the microwave.
You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of four.
You chat several times a day with a stranger from Canada, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbour all last year.
You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
The concept of using real money instead of credit or debit to make a purchase is foreign to you.
Your idea of being organised is multi-coloured Post-it notes.
You're reading this.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
7 Quotations for the New Year

Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty.
John Selden
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
Unknown
It wouldn't be New Year if I didn't have regrets.
William Thomas
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
Oprah Winfrey
The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.
G.K. Chesterton
A dog's New Year's Resolution: I will not chase that stick unless I actually see it leave his hand.
Unknown
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man. Benjamin Franklin