BingoT
Nurses love to give shots
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2004
- Location
- Palm Bay Florida
Laughing at some Bingo Jokes
Full Card
2 old men are playing Bingo in the church, John and Tom. John keeps looking over Tom's shoulder saying: "you've got that number, mark it off, you've got that number mark it off." After doing this for quite some time Tom gets annoyed and says: "why don't you do your own card?" Whereupon John answers: "I can't it's full!"
Blondes and Bingo
It was a Ladies Only Night in the All Blonde Bingo Hall. The night had been pretty boring, not one single person had a BINGO all night. The last game was up for grabs, with a huge bingo prize of $3500.00 in the pot.
The game drags on and on, and nearly every blonde in the house had to be on for the big blackout. Finally, G-47 was called, but still no shouts of Bingo! were heard. The frustrated caller finally gets up and throws the Bingo Machine off the stage. All the girls were shocked and the caller says: "I've just called every darn one of these 75 balls out of this machine and nobody has a Bingo? Just what number are you ladies waiting for?" All together, 412 blonde ladies shouted: "FREE SPACE!"
The 10 commandments of Bingo
1. Thou shall not sit in thy neighbors lucky seat.
2. Thou shall not stare at thy neighbors card.
3. Thou shall not take the Callers name in vain.
4. Thou shall not call false "Bingo".
5. Thou shall not wish bad luck on thy neighbor.
6. Thou shall not threaten to kill the "Caller".
7. Thou shall not steal thy husband's money for Bingo.
8. Thou shall not brag about how much thou hast won.
9. Thou shall not whine about how much thou hast lost.
10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's winnings.
Always a winner
Betty and Hilda, two friends, went together to play the slot machines at their local Bingo Hall.
Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the Bingo Hall and sit on the bench to wait for her friend.
Betty quickly lost all of her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited and waited and waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she saw Hilda coming toward her carrying a huge sack of coins.
"Hey, Betty," said Hilda, "how'd you do?" "Well, Hilda", said Betty, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though."
"Oh yeah," said Betty, "did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!"
Mind your own Business
This guy had a very attractive wife who was always demanding expensive clothes and jewelry but he was not too well off. One day his wife came home with a diamond necklace.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "I won it at bingo"
The next night she came home with a mink coat.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."
The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "Look!! Don't keep asking where I get my things!! Go upstairs and run my bath for me!!"
His wife came upstairs to find a small amount of water in the tub.
The wife asked: "How come you put so little water in the tub?"
The guy replied: "I didn't want to wet your bingo card".
My defense your honour
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 8th floor apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to defend herself.
"Well, Your Honor," she replied coolly. "I figured that at 92, if he could make love to another woman, he could fly!"
Short Bingo jokes
Knock-Knock!
Who's there?
Bee Eye.
Bee Eye who?
B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and BINGO is my name-o
You Know the Feeling: The only time you hear an old lady swearing is when another player calls *BINGO*
Being a good loser at bingo is considered admirable, so long as it is *Some-one Else*
What makes a roomful of people all shout @#*& !% Have someone call *Bingo*
Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?
A: Stake money!
Q: What do rodents say when they play bingo?
A: 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Q: What do you call a lady addicted to gambling at bingo?
A: Betty!
Betty, Ethel, Sylvia and Percy are sitting at a table at the local Bingo Hall when for the first time in 7 years Percy gets a full house. In the excitement of jumping up and down shouting Bingo, his trousers accidentally fall down, exposing him fully to the startled ladies! Betty and Ethel had a stroke, Sylvia couldnt reach!
Bingo Poem
A lady from Sydney loved Bingo,
So much so that she taught her Dingo,
She took him along to the hall,
Where they both had a ball,
Till he Full-Housed but could not speak the Lingo!
Do you take cash or credit???
Last night, my friends and I went to our local Bingo Club as they put on some male dancers for us.
One of the women wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a 10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the 10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a 20 note. She called the dancer back, licks the 20 note and sticks it to his other butt-cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a 50 note, calls the guy over and licks the 50 note.
I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me!!!
Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the 50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet...... What could I do????
The woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass and grabbed the eighty pounds!
The Bingo Prayer
As I lay me down to slumber
All I need is one more number
When to the big game I go
I pray the Lord I yell BINGO.
Always A Winner!
Betty and Hilda, two friends, went together to play the slot machines at their local Bingo Hall. Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the Bingo Hall and sit on the bench to wait for her friend. Betty quickly lost all of her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited and waited and waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she saw Hilda coming toward her carrying a huge sack of coins. "Hey, Betty," said Hilda, "how'd you do?" "Well, Hilda", said Betty, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Betty, "did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!"
You Know the Feeling
The only time you hear an old lady swearing is when another player calls *BINGO*
Being a good loser at bingo is considered admirable, so long as it is *Some-one Else*
What makes a roomful of people all shout @#*& !% Have someone call *Bingo*
I Don't Lose
A husband and wife were playing bingo and competing to see who could get all of the numbers and hence call bingo the most.
They were completely level right up until the last number both needed number 11 to win. 11 came up, so they even scored, tied the game and shared the win.
Not so protested the husband, I said it quicker!
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
Me...addicted?
I only play bingo on days that end in Y.
Full Card
2 old men are playing Bingo in the church, John and Tom. John keeps looking over Tom's shoulder saying: "you've got that number, mark it off, you've got that number mark it off." After doing this for quite some time Tom gets annoyed and says: "why don't you do your own card?" Whereupon John answers: "I can't it's full!"
Blondes and Bingo
It was a Ladies Only Night in the All Blonde Bingo Hall. The night had been pretty boring, not one single person had a BINGO all night. The last game was up for grabs, with a huge bingo prize of $3500.00 in the pot.
The game drags on and on, and nearly every blonde in the house had to be on for the big blackout. Finally, G-47 was called, but still no shouts of Bingo! were heard. The frustrated caller finally gets up and throws the Bingo Machine off the stage. All the girls were shocked and the caller says: "I've just called every darn one of these 75 balls out of this machine and nobody has a Bingo? Just what number are you ladies waiting for?" All together, 412 blonde ladies shouted: "FREE SPACE!"
The 10 commandments of Bingo
1. Thou shall not sit in thy neighbors lucky seat.
2. Thou shall not stare at thy neighbors card.
3. Thou shall not take the Callers name in vain.
4. Thou shall not call false "Bingo".
5. Thou shall not wish bad luck on thy neighbor.
6. Thou shall not threaten to kill the "Caller".
7. Thou shall not steal thy husband's money for Bingo.
8. Thou shall not brag about how much thou hast won.
9. Thou shall not whine about how much thou hast lost.
10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's winnings.
Always a winner
Betty and Hilda, two friends, went together to play the slot machines at their local Bingo Hall.
Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the Bingo Hall and sit on the bench to wait for her friend.
Betty quickly lost all of her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited and waited and waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she saw Hilda coming toward her carrying a huge sack of coins.
"Hey, Betty," said Hilda, "how'd you do?" "Well, Hilda", said Betty, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though."
"Oh yeah," said Betty, "did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!"
Mind your own Business
This guy had a very attractive wife who was always demanding expensive clothes and jewelry but he was not too well off. One day his wife came home with a diamond necklace.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "I won it at bingo"
The next night she came home with a mink coat.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."
The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "Look!! Don't keep asking where I get my things!! Go upstairs and run my bath for me!!"
His wife came upstairs to find a small amount of water in the tub.
The wife asked: "How come you put so little water in the tub?"
The guy replied: "I didn't want to wet your bingo card".
My defense your honour
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 8th floor apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to defend herself.
"Well, Your Honor," she replied coolly. "I figured that at 92, if he could make love to another woman, he could fly!"
Short Bingo jokes
Knock-Knock!
Who's there?
Bee Eye.
Bee Eye who?
B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and BINGO is my name-o
You Know the Feeling: The only time you hear an old lady swearing is when another player calls *BINGO*
Being a good loser at bingo is considered admirable, so long as it is *Some-one Else*
What makes a roomful of people all shout @#*& !% Have someone call *Bingo*
Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?
A: Stake money!
Q: What do rodents say when they play bingo?
A: 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Q: What do you call a lady addicted to gambling at bingo?
A: Betty!
Betty, Ethel, Sylvia and Percy are sitting at a table at the local Bingo Hall when for the first time in 7 years Percy gets a full house. In the excitement of jumping up and down shouting Bingo, his trousers accidentally fall down, exposing him fully to the startled ladies! Betty and Ethel had a stroke, Sylvia couldnt reach!
Bingo Poem
A lady from Sydney loved Bingo,
So much so that she taught her Dingo,
She took him along to the hall,
Where they both had a ball,
Till he Full-Housed but could not speak the Lingo!
Do you take cash or credit???
Last night, my friends and I went to our local Bingo Club as they put on some male dancers for us.
One of the women wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a 10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the 10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a 20 note. She called the dancer back, licks the 20 note and sticks it to his other butt-cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a 50 note, calls the guy over and licks the 50 note.
I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me!!!
Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the 50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet...... What could I do????
The woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass and grabbed the eighty pounds!
The Bingo Prayer
As I lay me down to slumber
All I need is one more number
When to the big game I go
I pray the Lord I yell BINGO.
Always A Winner!
Betty and Hilda, two friends, went together to play the slot machines at their local Bingo Hall. Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the Bingo Hall and sit on the bench to wait for her friend. Betty quickly lost all of her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited and waited and waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she saw Hilda coming toward her carrying a huge sack of coins. "Hey, Betty," said Hilda, "how'd you do?" "Well, Hilda", said Betty, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Betty, "did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!"
You Know the Feeling
The only time you hear an old lady swearing is when another player calls *BINGO*
Being a good loser at bingo is considered admirable, so long as it is *Some-one Else*
What makes a roomful of people all shout @#*& !% Have someone call *Bingo*
I Don't Lose
A husband and wife were playing bingo and competing to see who could get all of the numbers and hence call bingo the most.
They were completely level right up until the last number both needed number 11 to win. 11 came up, so they even scored, tied the game and shared the win.
Not so protested the husband, I said it quicker!
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
Me...addicted?
I only play bingo on days that end in Y.
