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Jokes For Tuesday

Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Location
Old bag lady with a laptop
Husband comes home to find

The wife left a note on the fridge:

"It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Mother's."

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold. I have no idea what in the hell she was talking about............the fridge works fine.
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Hell of a Day
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There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say.
"I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!

“But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"
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Quote of the Day:
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"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too."~
H. L. Mencken
 

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