Irish tale

[jetset]

IRISH STORY

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident.

In court, the lorry company's fancy hot shot lawyer was
questioning Seamus.

'Didn't you say, to the Garda (police) at the scene of the accident: 'I'm
fine,'?' asked the lawyer.

Seamus responded, 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...'

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just
answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I
was driving down the road....'

The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am
trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man
told the Grda on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after
the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please
tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer
and said to the Court, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favourite cow, Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the judge and continued: 'Well as I was saying, I
had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was
driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came
through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side.

'I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I
was hurt very bad like, and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew
she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a
Garda on a motorbike turned up.

He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After
he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her
between the eyes.

Then the Garda came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me,
and said, 'How are you feeling?'

'Now what the F*ck would you say?'

 

[BingoT]

Good story jetset

Oldie But Goodie Irish Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic?
A: It has a 12 month waiting list.

Q: What's long & green & has a low I.Q.?
A: A St. Patrick's Day Parade

Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.

Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!

Q: Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
A: He couldn't afford plane fare.

Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Patty O'furniture!

Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

 

[Matthew23]

You know what's funny? When I was 9 years old I was sent to an Americain family as part of a student exchange program. When I got there they were under the impression that Irish people were very poor and VERY stupid.

When I arrived they assumed I had never seen a car before (LOL) They explained to me what it was and that I shouldn't be scared of it. (Yeah, like I had never been in a car before).

On the way back to their house they started asking me all these weird question like "Do you know what a TV is?", "Do yous have fresh water in Ireland?", "Who give you those clothes" ect...

These questions went on for days and even though I kept telling them Ireland was pritty much the same as America.... they just refused to listen and thought I was lying because I was embarrassed of my poor little country.

On the 4th or 5th day I asked if I could heat up a silce of pizza in the microwave.....the woman looked at me in shock and said "how do you know what that is?" I said because "We have one back in Ireland, why don't you?" She reluctantly said "n-n-no....we um, we don't have one"

After that they treated me like a normal person...... it's an experience i'll never forgot. lol