- Joined
- Mar 1, 2004
- Location
- Toronto, Ontario, Canada
George W. Bush chokes on another pretzel but this time, he's not so lucky and he dies and ends up at the Pearly Gates.
"And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
"It's me, George Dubya Bush, formerly the President of the United States and Leader of the Free World."
"Oh... Mr... President! What may I do for you?" asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Bush.
"Sure," says the Saint. "But first, you have to confess your sins. What bad things have you done in your life?"
Bush bites his lip and answers, "Well, I signed up for the Texas Air National Guard to avoid Vietnam but I left my unit without permission but you can't call me 'AWOL' because it takes a court-martial to determine that and one was never held. I also lied to the country about weapons of mass destruction and terrorism so that I could invade Iraq and steal their oil but you can't call it 'bearing false witness' because I wasn't under oath. I also cut services to the poor to fund tax cuts for the rich but you can't call that 'stealing' because it was all done perfectly legally."
With that, St. Peter consults the Book of Life briefly, and declares, "Okay, here's the deal. We'll send you somewhere hot, but we won't call it 'Hell'. You'll be there indefinitely, but we won't call it 'eternity'. And when you enter, you don't have to abandon all hope, just hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."
"And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
"It's me, George Dubya Bush, formerly the President of the United States and Leader of the Free World."
"Oh... Mr... President! What may I do for you?" asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Bush.
"Sure," says the Saint. "But first, you have to confess your sins. What bad things have you done in your life?"
Bush bites his lip and answers, "Well, I signed up for the Texas Air National Guard to avoid Vietnam but I left my unit without permission but you can't call me 'AWOL' because it takes a court-martial to determine that and one was never held. I also lied to the country about weapons of mass destruction and terrorism so that I could invade Iraq and steal their oil but you can't call it 'bearing false witness' because I wasn't under oath. I also cut services to the poor to fund tax cuts for the rich but you can't call that 'stealing' because it was all done perfectly legally."
With that, St. Peter consults the Book of Life briefly, and declares, "Okay, here's the deal. We'll send you somewhere hot, but we won't call it 'Hell'. You'll be there indefinitely, but we won't call it 'eternity'. And when you enter, you don't have to abandon all hope, just hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."
