- Joined
- Aug 26, 2010
- Location
- Old bag lady with a laptop
Fly Moral
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There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure.
Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat.
He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away.
He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground.
As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the
wall.
He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would
be able to take flight. Unfortunately he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit
the floor.
The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you're full of shit.
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Red Duck
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A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class.
On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him:
"Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?"
Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
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Young Wife
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A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
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--------------
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure.
Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat.
He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away.
He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground.
As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the
wall.
He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would
be able to take flight. Unfortunately he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit
the floor.
The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you're full of shit.
-------------------------------------------------
Red Duck
------------
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class.
On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him:
"Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?"
Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
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Young Wife
--------------
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
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