weesie
Ueber Meister
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2010
- Location
- Old bag lady with a laptop
Oldie but still funny.
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Choking
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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
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"Dogs Welcome"
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A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me.
He is well-groomed
And very well behaved.
Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote:
SIR: "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal
towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.
I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly.
And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.
And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
-------------------------
Choking
-------------------------
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dogs Welcome"
-------------------------
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me.
He is well-groomed
And very well behaved.
Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote:
SIR: "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal
towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.
I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly.
And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.
And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
