- Joined
- Aug 25, 2004
- Location
- Bexhill on sea, England
This is my account of my first ever trip to a casino ‘do’ – ICE London, Jan-24 2007 – which turned out to be one of the most memorable days of my life!
Up in good time, I was gobsmacked to look out of the window and see a thin layer of snow over everything – a pretty rare sight round here, even in winter.
I left home spot on time to walk the mile to the train station to catch the 8:53 to Charring Cross. My walk took a little longer than expected due to having to wade through all the snow; it was mostly 1/8 of an inch, but did get as deep as inch (6mm) in a few spots. Got to the station only to be told by the guy at the ticket counter that all the trains were canceled!
(Apparently they couldn’t find a snow-plough small enough to scrape the light dusting of snow off the rails…). So he says “A bus is coming to take everyone to Battle station” (about 5-miles up the line). “OK, when?” I asked. “Oh I don’t know” he says “When it gets here…” Great! “Are the trains definitely running from Battle to London?” I inquire. “Oh yes” he said “Definitely.”
Well I wasn’t going to hang around for an indefinite bus, so I started to walk home & rang the misses. She was having a lie-in as she’d been on night shift the previous day, but she kindly agreed to give me a lift to Battle. So I checked the train times on the Net & we set off. She dropped me at the station & headed back home to bed. I walk into the station, and some Railway guy says “Where you going mate?” “London” I said. “There’s no trains running from here – you’ll have to get on that bus over there to Tonbridge, and get the train there” Sheeesh! So I trudge over to the bus, which is jam packed with college or 6th form students, but mostly girls, so that was OK
Found a seat & sat down only to discover that the people who made the bus forgot that most passengers have legs! There wasn’t room to swing an ant. Oh well – what could I do? Not a lot.
The bus set off and I managed to find just enough space to prize Johnsteed's ‘Slotster’ thread 22-page printout from my bag and get to read it at last. What a cracking read!
The only bit I didn’t get was KK falling off a cat for a pee or something – what was all that about?
I looked out of the window & saw the snow was much thicker there, and I started wondering if I would ever get to London. What if there weren’t any trains at all? I started having flash-backs to ‘Trains, Planes & Automobiles’ and imagining I would end up sleeping in some shady motel somewhere, waking up in the middle of the night with my hand between some obese guy’s butt cheeks… Or traveling round the M25 freezing my nuts of in some car which wasn’t a soft-top until an unfortunate incident with a carelessly discarded cigarette… Brrrrrrr!
The bus pulled in to a train station & half the passengers got off. Then most of them (including me) got back on the bus again when we were told we were at Tunbridge Wells, not Tonbridge! D’oh!
Eventually I got to the right station & saw a moving train for the first time that day! Got on & headed north. At blinking last! My troubles were over – or were they? Not quite. As we approached the city the conductor announced that the train would not be going all the way to Charring Cross… “Oh flip” I said to myself. But fortunately it was going as far as London Bridge – and I knew I could get the tube from there.
We were told our train tickets would be good for the underground to Charring… but I wasn’t going to Charring… Sod it – I just got on the tube anyway. Changed onto the District line – the one to Earls Court, at last!!! Then the tannoy brought more news – the tube wasn’t going all the way! Again I was lucky because it was terminating at Earls Court – Pheeew! Got to the barrier, but of course my ticket wouldn’t work because it was a train ticket, not a tube one. So in my final desperate bid for freedom I took a deep breath and followed very closely behind some other guy through the automatic gate, risking life & limb, accidental anal sex and a considerable jail sentence in the process. The pincer like gate slammed shut, just missing taking my leg off below the knee by inches – I was free!
My final confusion came when I exited the wrong side of the station and couldn’t see where the hell Earls Court was! A bit of map-reading & a short walk later I was there – Eureka!!!! Only one & a half hours later than planned – amazing.
I was pretty disappointed to be so late because I was hoping to have had time to pop round to Buckingham Palace for morning tea & limp bizkits with Her Majesty. That would have made a great thread title: “King meets Queen”…
I’m actually secretly hoping that one day I will receive a top honor from Her Maj and Rowan Williams at Windsor for outstanding services to online gambling, then the thread would be “Queen & Bishop Knight King in Castle”…
Anyway I digress (I cross-dress too, but that’s another story…), I entered the vast hall at Earls – every inch of which was crammed with slot machines, roulette, card tables, and all the other paraphernalia you’d associate with B&M casinos. It was awesome!
I wandered round aimlessly for a while, not knowing where anything was.
Saw a super club fruity based on “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” – free-played that for a bit – it was great! I loved the ‘Knights who Say Neee’ who kept saying ‘Neee’.
I didn't get to see everything or indeed all that much on display to be honest, except the inside of a bar or two…
But I did see the actual real Cleopatra at the WagerWorks stand - no need to ask if she gave me an instant boner.. er bonus!
I also went to the Playtech stand, but they weren't very knowledgeable - I asked them if Playtech’s still did the ‘cross your heart’ & they looked at me as if I was a looney!
Old Attachment (Invalid)
Look at the bra boys, not the eyes - the bra, the bra!
Had a look round for some of the 'less reputable' places and sure enough I found the Casino Blasters stand complete with Golden Palace banner and huge CPA offers, but sadly no streakers... Their stand was tucked away in the back corridor, but still within spitting distance of the main floor - I know this for a fact because many people were trying it....
Then something really strange happened; there was an open window next to their stand with a freezing wind blowing in. I went over & closed it, but then another open window popped up out of nowhere....!
I went back & investigated more of the B&M casino equipment - WOW, everything's going digital now! Loads of different roulette wheels featuring touch-screen technology, LCD tables and virtual chips (glad to see they all still had a real wheel though). Blackjack featuring a virtual dealer & cards. (All you professional croupiers & casino chip makers out there - look out C3PO is after your job!) I even played Hold'em poker on a virtual table with virtual cards and virtual chips... Virtually unbelievable!
Soon it was time to find my guide for the day, Webzcas (OCR/BetSage). A quick phone call (not realising he was only 50 feet away) and we meet for the first time.
He was in a bar with none other than Jetset & Simmo! Disappointingly Simmo is not really blue, and not really a muppet, but there was something strange about him; I watched him for quite a while and his expression never changed, but when I turned away I could swear that out of the corner of my eye I saw him blink... or did I just imagine that...?
A little while later we were joined by SpearMaster & Pat H from 32 Red. (I can confirm the rumors are true - he really is a great guy!) After a while me n Webz went to another bar for a meeting with a couple of the execs from WagerShare (Spin Palace group) to discuss promotions, the unfortunate US situation, how many beers we could drink, etc... After an hour or so Simmo came to find us, bringing the mighty Slotster! He was supposed to be dashing off to a work related meeting, but we persuaded him to phone in sick & come to the pub... (Not really - but he did come to the pub). Then we were joined by Mrs.Webzcas & Spear and we trotted off to the boozer.
We walked in to the bar and Webz had to stop me dropping to my knees in a Wayne Campbell 'we're not worthy' worship reenactment because standing in front of me was the CasinoMeister himself!
My first thought was 'Jeeeeze he's 6 foot 17 inches tall!! He's not really (probably more like 6'2"?) but he's a big guy in all the right ways. No wonder all those Iraqis surrendered so easily! Also there was the iNetBet manager, GreedyGirl, Dominique and a few others (sorry if I haven't mentioned everyone).
Several beers later Slotster & CM had to go to prior engagements, but it was off for an Indian for Me, Mr & Mrs Webz, Simmo, Spear & Pat H, who in his typical style picked up the tab. (I'm going to feel sooooo guilty if I ever win another cent at 32Red!
).
The evening flew by way too quickly, and by the time we left the restaurant, it was rapidly approaching the time when the last train to Hastings would be turning into a pumpkin, or worse still, a cardboard box under a park bench... so having consumed more beer in one day than in the previous month (including Christmas!) I staggered off to the tube station, got on the wrong train & went in the wrong direction! I realised at once, got off at the next station & got on the right tube to Charring Cross (Embankment). But my transport woes were still not over as yet another tannoy announcement revealed that Embankment station was closed due to a 'Fire Alert'! Thinking quickly (a first for me) I switched tubes at Westminster & headed back to London Bridge station to pick up the train there (I had no chance of course, it was far too heavy). But luckily I did get there with about 5 minutes to spare and got on the last train to Clarksville... er.. Hastings!
A few miles in to the journey the conductor came along and kindly offered to wake me up when I got to my station. I thought that was really good service, if probably unnecessary for me. So I told him my station just in case, which was just as well because I was soon off to the land of nod. Fortunately as it happened, I was having a nightmare dream about killer rabbits, butt cheeks, and playing slot machines at more than $1 a spin, which woke me up in a cold sweat at the stop before mine, though the conductor did come back to check.
The final 10 minute trudge home, a quick shower & to bed – nearly 2am. Oh good, a full four & a half hours before I have to get up for work…
Looking back I can only say “What a day!”. All that fun with Pubic Transport, and meeting so many famous icons from the online gambling scene...
I have to say though, that they are not nice people. No, nice is too mild a word for them – they were all totally fantastic! Huge thanks to everyone for making it a great day, and special mega-thanks to Webzcas for taking me ‘under his wing’ and introducing me to everybody – what a diamond!
In the words of Neteller – Cheers!
Subtitle: Isn’t British Public Transport Great!
(Inspired by ‘Diarrhea of a Madman’ by Ozzy Osborne)
Done in a JohnSteedesque way
(Only much shorter, less colourful, and without all the references to obscure American
musicians & sports stars who none of the rest of the world have ever heard of…)
(Inspired by ‘Diarrhea of a Madman’ by Ozzy Osborne)
Done in a JohnSteedesque way
(Only much shorter, less colourful, and without all the references to obscure American
musicians & sports stars who none of the rest of the world have ever heard of…)
Up in good time, I was gobsmacked to look out of the window and see a thin layer of snow over everything – a pretty rare sight round here, even in winter.
I left home spot on time to walk the mile to the train station to catch the 8:53 to Charring Cross. My walk took a little longer than expected due to having to wade through all the snow; it was mostly 1/8 of an inch, but did get as deep as inch (6mm) in a few spots. Got to the station only to be told by the guy at the ticket counter that all the trains were canceled!
(Apparently they couldn’t find a snow-plough small enough to scrape the light dusting of snow off the rails…). So he says “A bus is coming to take everyone to Battle station” (about 5-miles up the line). “OK, when?” I asked. “Oh I don’t know” he says “When it gets here…” Great! “Are the trains definitely running from Battle to London?” I inquire. “Oh yes” he said “Definitely.”Well I wasn’t going to hang around for an indefinite bus, so I started to walk home & rang the misses. She was having a lie-in as she’d been on night shift the previous day, but she kindly agreed to give me a lift to Battle. So I checked the train times on the Net & we set off. She dropped me at the station & headed back home to bed. I walk into the station, and some Railway guy says “Where you going mate?” “London” I said. “There’s no trains running from here – you’ll have to get on that bus over there to Tonbridge, and get the train there” Sheeesh! So I trudge over to the bus, which is jam packed with college or 6th form students, but mostly girls, so that was OK
Found a seat & sat down only to discover that the people who made the bus forgot that most passengers have legs! There wasn’t room to swing an ant. Oh well – what could I do? Not a lot.
The bus set off and I managed to find just enough space to prize Johnsteed's ‘Slotster’ thread 22-page printout from my bag and get to read it at last. What a cracking read!
The only bit I didn’t get was KK falling off a cat for a pee or something – what was all that about? I looked out of the window & saw the snow was much thicker there, and I started wondering if I would ever get to London. What if there weren’t any trains at all? I started having flash-backs to ‘Trains, Planes & Automobiles’ and imagining I would end up sleeping in some shady motel somewhere, waking up in the middle of the night with my hand between some obese guy’s butt cheeks… Or traveling round the M25 freezing my nuts of in some car which wasn’t a soft-top until an unfortunate incident with a carelessly discarded cigarette… Brrrrrrr!
The bus pulled in to a train station & half the passengers got off. Then most of them (including me) got back on the bus again when we were told we were at Tunbridge Wells, not Tonbridge! D’oh!
Eventually I got to the right station & saw a moving train for the first time that day! Got on & headed north. At blinking last! My troubles were over – or were they? Not quite. As we approached the city the conductor announced that the train would not be going all the way to Charring Cross… “Oh flip” I said to myself. But fortunately it was going as far as London Bridge – and I knew I could get the tube from there.
We were told our train tickets would be good for the underground to Charring… but I wasn’t going to Charring… Sod it – I just got on the tube anyway. Changed onto the District line – the one to Earls Court, at last!!! Then the tannoy brought more news – the tube wasn’t going all the way! Again I was lucky because it was terminating at Earls Court – Pheeew! Got to the barrier, but of course my ticket wouldn’t work because it was a train ticket, not a tube one. So in my final desperate bid for freedom I took a deep breath and followed very closely behind some other guy through the automatic gate, risking life & limb, accidental anal sex and a considerable jail sentence in the process. The pincer like gate slammed shut, just missing taking my leg off below the knee by inches – I was free!
My final confusion came when I exited the wrong side of the station and couldn’t see where the hell Earls Court was! A bit of map-reading & a short walk later I was there – Eureka!!!! Only one & a half hours later than planned – amazing.
I was pretty disappointed to be so late because I was hoping to have had time to pop round to Buckingham Palace for morning tea & limp bizkits with Her Majesty. That would have made a great thread title: “King meets Queen”…
I’m actually secretly hoping that one day I will receive a top honor from Her Maj and Rowan Williams at Windsor for outstanding services to online gambling, then the thread would be “Queen & Bishop Knight King in Castle”…
Anyway I digress (I cross-dress too, but that’s another story…), I entered the vast hall at Earls – every inch of which was crammed with slot machines, roulette, card tables, and all the other paraphernalia you’d associate with B&M casinos. It was awesome!
I wandered round aimlessly for a while, not knowing where anything was.
Saw a super club fruity based on “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” – free-played that for a bit – it was great! I loved the ‘Knights who Say Neee’ who kept saying ‘Neee’.
I didn't get to see everything or indeed all that much on display to be honest, except the inside of a bar or two…
But I did see the actual real Cleopatra at the WagerWorks stand - no need to ask if she gave me an instant boner.. er bonus!
I also went to the Playtech stand, but they weren't very knowledgeable - I asked them if Playtech’s still did the ‘cross your heart’ & they looked at me as if I was a looney!
Old Attachment (Invalid)
Look at the bra boys, not the eyes - the bra, the bra!
Had a look round for some of the 'less reputable' places and sure enough I found the Casino Blasters stand complete with Golden Palace banner and huge CPA offers, but sadly no streakers... Their stand was tucked away in the back corridor, but still within spitting distance of the main floor - I know this for a fact because many people were trying it....
Then something really strange happened; there was an open window next to their stand with a freezing wind blowing in. I went over & closed it, but then another open window popped up out of nowhere....!
I went back & investigated more of the B&M casino equipment - WOW, everything's going digital now! Loads of different roulette wheels featuring touch-screen technology, LCD tables and virtual chips (glad to see they all still had a real wheel though). Blackjack featuring a virtual dealer & cards. (All you professional croupiers & casino chip makers out there - look out C3PO is after your job!) I even played Hold'em poker on a virtual table with virtual cards and virtual chips... Virtually unbelievable!
Soon it was time to find my guide for the day, Webzcas (OCR/BetSage). A quick phone call (not realising he was only 50 feet away) and we meet for the first time.
He was in a bar with none other than Jetset & Simmo! Disappointingly Simmo is not really blue, and not really a muppet, but there was something strange about him; I watched him for quite a while and his expression never changed, but when I turned away I could swear that out of the corner of my eye I saw him blink... or did I just imagine that...?
A little while later we were joined by SpearMaster & Pat H from 32 Red. (I can confirm the rumors are true - he really is a great guy!) After a while me n Webz went to another bar for a meeting with a couple of the execs from WagerShare (Spin Palace group) to discuss promotions, the unfortunate US situation, how many beers we could drink, etc... After an hour or so Simmo came to find us, bringing the mighty Slotster! He was supposed to be dashing off to a work related meeting, but we persuaded him to phone in sick & come to the pub... (Not really - but he did come to the pub). Then we were joined by Mrs.Webzcas & Spear and we trotted off to the boozer.
We walked in to the bar and Webz had to stop me dropping to my knees in a Wayne Campbell 'we're not worthy' worship reenactment because standing in front of me was the CasinoMeister himself!
Old Attachment (Invalid)
Hey dude, is that who I think it is – the CasinoMeister?
Yeah man, my knees have gone kinda wobbly – Oooooooh!
“We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy!!” :notworthy
Hey dude, is that who I think it is – the CasinoMeister?
Yeah man, my knees have gone kinda wobbly – Oooooooh!
“We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy!!” :notworthy
My first thought was 'Jeeeeze he's 6 foot 17 inches tall!! He's not really (probably more like 6'2"?) but he's a big guy in all the right ways. No wonder all those Iraqis surrendered so easily! Also there was the iNetBet manager, GreedyGirl, Dominique and a few others (sorry if I haven't mentioned everyone).
Several beers later Slotster & CM had to go to prior engagements, but it was off for an Indian for Me, Mr & Mrs Webz, Simmo, Spear & Pat H, who in his typical style picked up the tab. (I'm going to feel sooooo guilty if I ever win another cent at 32Red!
). The evening flew by way too quickly, and by the time we left the restaurant, it was rapidly approaching the time when the last train to Hastings would be turning into a pumpkin, or worse still, a cardboard box under a park bench... so having consumed more beer in one day than in the previous month (including Christmas!) I staggered off to the tube station, got on the wrong train & went in the wrong direction! I realised at once, got off at the next station & got on the right tube to Charring Cross (Embankment). But my transport woes were still not over as yet another tannoy announcement revealed that Embankment station was closed due to a 'Fire Alert'! Thinking quickly (a first for me) I switched tubes at Westminster & headed back to London Bridge station to pick up the train there (I had no chance of course, it was far too heavy). But luckily I did get there with about 5 minutes to spare and got on the last train to Clarksville... er.. Hastings!
A few miles in to the journey the conductor came along and kindly offered to wake me up when I got to my station. I thought that was really good service, if probably unnecessary for me. So I told him my station just in case, which was just as well because I was soon off to the land of nod. Fortunately as it happened, I was having a nightmare dream about killer rabbits, butt cheeks, and playing slot machines at more than $1 a spin, which woke me up in a cold sweat at the stop before mine, though the conductor did come back to check.
The final 10 minute trudge home, a quick shower & to bed – nearly 2am. Oh good, a full four & a half hours before I have to get up for work…
Looking back I can only say “What a day!”. All that fun with Pubic Transport, and meeting so many famous icons from the online gambling scene...
I have to say though, that they are not nice people. No, nice is too mild a word for them – they were all totally fantastic! Huge thanks to everyone for making it a great day, and special mega-thanks to Webzcas for taking me ‘under his wing’ and introducing me to everybody – what a diamond!
In the words of Neteller – Cheers!
) and the bottle opener was awesome 
