A Few Jokes

[Greigssy]

Two Irishmen saw the sign Tree fellers wanted.
The first Irishman said If Pat had been with us we'd have got that job.



A 90-Year-Old millionaire takes his 25-Year-Old wife to the doctors after finding out she's pregnant, "Doctor this must be a miracle!" he says. "Let me tell you a story", says the doc.. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of his gun, He goes into the jungle and spots a tiger. He lifts his umbrella pulls the handle and Bang ! the tiger drops dead", the man says " That's impossible-someone else must have shot the tiger !" the doctor says " That's Exactly My Point!"



DNA of bin laden has come back with a reading of 24% cocoa, 57% coconut, 13% sugar and 6% milk, experts say that this is probably due to the bounty on his head

 

[bsilva028]

blonde jokes

In a two-story bus went below and brunettes over blondes. The moraines were the largest party while the blondes was not heard a peep. Then a brunette says to another: - Look! Go and see what's going on with the blondes! She rose to the first floor and saw all the blondes clinging to each other to shake, then she asks a blonde: - Look, what's going on, why are they so silent? - Yeah! You have driver, not us!


A blonde goes to an appliance store and says, look I want this TV, the man says, do not sell it to blondes. The blonde will upset all the hair stylist and paints of various colors that will get there shop and says, look I want this TV! The man comes back and says do not sell to blondes and this woman comes back and says look but we're not seeing that I'm not blonde!? But, O my lady this is not a TV, is a microwave!

 

[bsilva028]

Ronaldo lol

In this game, Ronaldo had scored a goal in the first shot. Interviewed at the end of the game, had the following statement: "It was nothing special, kicked with the foot that was close at hand!"

 

[Surasanji]

Another one.... <_<

In a two-story bus went below and brunettes over blondes. The moraines were the largest party while the blondes was not heard a peep. Then a brunette says to another: - Look! Go and see what's going on with the blondes! She rose to the first floor and saw all the blondes clinging to each other to shake, then she asks a blonde: - Look, what's going on, why are they so silent? - Yeah! You have driver, not us!


A blonde goes to an appliance store and says, look I want this TV, the man says, do not sell it to blondes. The blonde will upset all the hair stylist and paints of various colors that will get there shop and says, look I want this TV! The man comes back and says do not sell to blondes and this woman comes back and says look but we're not seeing that I'm not blonde!? But, O my lady this is not a TV, is a microwave!

A Blonde was driving down the road out in the grain belt of the US when she happened to look out into a wheat field and notice another blonde was sitting in a row-boat. She slowed her vehicle to a crawl. Pulled over, got out and shouted towards the blonde in that field.

"HEY YOU!" she shouted, "Its blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name, and if I could swim I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

 

[immortality]

Paddy the Irishman, the Scotsman and the English man were all sentenced to death by guillotine for high treason.

The English man was first to be beheaded, he was asked if he would like to face up or down, to which he replied "down".

The latch was let go of the guillotine, but the guillotine did not move, the crowd shouts "it's a miracle!!!" and demanded he be released, so it was, he was free to go.

Next was the Scotsman,he chose to face down, same thing happened, the latch was let go but it didn't budge, so again the crowd demanded he be released as it was "another miracle".

Then last but not least the Irishman was asked whether he would like to face up or down, to which he replied "well the other two faced down so I want to face up"

Same thing happened, latch released, no movement, the crowd had just started shouting "another miracle!!!".



Well Paddy then spoke up and said,
"I see the problem....there's a piece of wood jamming the damn thing"