a couple 'quick' ones....

[kidice]

A man answers his door after hearing the bell ring and finds nobody there except for a snail on his doorstep. Disgusted, he picks it up and hurls it as far as he can.
THREE YEARS LATER........... his doorbell rings and again he sees the same snail on his doorstep.
Angrily, the snail asks: "so what the hell was THAT all about?"


The same snail is at the police station to report being mugged by a turtle. When asked for details about the event, the snail replied:
"I dunno! It all happened so FAST!!"


Keep smiling, it'll put your wrinkles in the right place- Tom

 

[bingo account]

Three friends at a barbecue:

First: When i'm drunk, i beat my wife and my kids
Second:When i'm drunk, i beat my wife, my kids and my neighbours
Third: Hic, when i'm drunk, i beat at every door in the neighbourhood, hic

 

[Nifty29]

Three friends at a barbecue:

First: When i'm drunk, i beat my wife and my kids
Second:When i'm drunk, i beat my wife, my kids and my neighbours
Third: Hic, when i'm drunk, i beat at every door in the neighbourhood, hic

Yup. There's nothing funnier than domestic violence.

 

[bingo account]

What about this one?

Wife to husband:Honey, don't you think i have small tits? What should i do to have them bigger?
Husband:Just rub them with toilet paper, i see it worked for you ass.