BingoT
Nurses love to give shots
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2004
- Location
- Palm Bay Florida
We all love Christmas Jokes
'Twas the Night After Christmas
'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.
Christmas Present
The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn't argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.
When out in the yard the dog started barkin', I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus."
I said, "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus, and you ain't taking me in without probable cause." Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night." I said, "That might have been me, just what's he look like."
The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry." I said, "Sheriff that sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."
"It's no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff he said. "The man I'm describing in dressed all in red. I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean. Tell me what you've done, tell me what you've seen."
Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn't have been the first time that I've spent New Years in jail. I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again."
When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO's. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red.
Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter. Well my hands were a shakin' as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red's chimney this feller did run.
And slung on his back was this bag over flowin'. I thought he stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowling'. So I yelled, "Drop fat boy, hands in the air!" But he went about his business like he hadn't a care.
So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort, "That's assault with intent Roy, I'll see ya in court."
~~~Christmas Jokes and Riddles~~~
Enjoy these Christmas related jokes. Funny, clean Xmas Jokes for kids and adults.
Q. What kind of bird can write?
A. A pen-guin
Q. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective ?
A. Santa Clues!
Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A. It's Christmas, Eve.
Q. Why does Santa Claus like to work in the garden?
A. Because he like to hoe, hoe, hoe!
Q. What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?
A. She gave him the cold shoulder.
Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps.
Q. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
A. Fleece Navidad!
Q. What is a snowman's favorite lunch?
A. An Iceberger!
Q. What do vampires put on their Christmas turkey?
A. Grave-y.
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. I'll have a boo Christmas without you.
Q. What do you call a snowman party?
A. A Snowball!
Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark?
A. Frost bite!
Q. What do you call an Eskimo cow?
A. An Eskimoo.
Q. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.
Q. What do the elves sing to Santa Claus on his birthday?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow . . .
Q. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
A. Sandy Claws!
Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.
Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A. Thanks, I'll never part with it!
Q. Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A. Because he had the drum sticks.
Q. What do you when if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A. A pineapple.
Q. What did the big candle say to the little candle?
A. I'm going out tonight.
Q. Why wasn't the turkey hungry at Christmas time?
A. He was stuffed!
Q. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A. Because it soots him.
Q. What kind of ball doesn't bounce?
A. A snowball!
Q. What's the best thing to put into Christmas pie?
A. Your teeth!
Q. What do you get when you eat the Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsel-itus.
Q. Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A. Because every buck is dear to him.
Q. If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A. Missletoe!
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
Q. What does Santa like to eat?
A. A jolly roll.
Q. How does Santa take pictures?
A. With his North Pole-aroid.
The Good Luck Frog
'Twas the Night After Christmas
'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.
Christmas Present
The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn't argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.
When out in the yard the dog started barkin', I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus."
I said, "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus, and you ain't taking me in without probable cause." Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night." I said, "That might have been me, just what's he look like."
The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry." I said, "Sheriff that sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."
"It's no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff he said. "The man I'm describing in dressed all in red. I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean. Tell me what you've done, tell me what you've seen."
Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn't have been the first time that I've spent New Years in jail. I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again."
When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO's. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red.
Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter. Well my hands were a shakin' as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red's chimney this feller did run.
And slung on his back was this bag over flowin'. I thought he stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowling'. So I yelled, "Drop fat boy, hands in the air!" But he went about his business like he hadn't a care.
So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort, "That's assault with intent Roy, I'll see ya in court."
~~~Christmas Jokes and Riddles~~~
Enjoy these Christmas related jokes. Funny, clean Xmas Jokes for kids and adults.
Q. What kind of bird can write?
A. A pen-guin
Q. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective ?
A. Santa Clues!
Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A. It's Christmas, Eve.
Q. Why does Santa Claus like to work in the garden?
A. Because he like to hoe, hoe, hoe!
Q. What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?
A. She gave him the cold shoulder.
Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps.
Q. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
A. Fleece Navidad!
Q. What is a snowman's favorite lunch?
A. An Iceberger!
Q. What do vampires put on their Christmas turkey?
A. Grave-y.
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. I'll have a boo Christmas without you.
Q. What do you call a snowman party?
A. A Snowball!
Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark?
A. Frost bite!
Q. What do you call an Eskimo cow?
A. An Eskimoo.
Q. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.
Q. What do the elves sing to Santa Claus on his birthday?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow . . .
Q. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
A. Sandy Claws!
Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.
Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A. Thanks, I'll never part with it!
Q. Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A. Because he had the drum sticks.
Q. What do you when if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A. A pineapple.
Q. What did the big candle say to the little candle?
A. I'm going out tonight.
Q. Why wasn't the turkey hungry at Christmas time?
A. He was stuffed!
Q. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A. Because it soots him.
Q. What kind of ball doesn't bounce?
A. A snowball!
Q. What's the best thing to put into Christmas pie?
A. Your teeth!
Q. What do you get when you eat the Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsel-itus.
Q. Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A. Because every buck is dear to him.
Q. If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A. Missletoe!
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
Q. What does Santa like to eat?
A. A jolly roll.
Q. How does Santa take pictures?
A. With his North Pole-aroid.
The Good Luck Frog
