We all love Casino Jokes

[BingoT]

We all love Casino Jokes



It's good to see that the nation's racetracks are holding the line against inflation - the two-dollar betting window is still the two-dollar window.
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If there was no action around, he would play solitaire - and bet against himself.
Groucho Marx, about his brother Chico (attributed)
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Barry used to supplement his income by gambling at poker, joining games wherever he happened to find himself. And he thought he'd seen it all, until he happened into a game in a little town in Tennessee and found himself seated next to a German shepherd. A few hands later, the dog drew a straight flush and collected the jackpot.

"Unbelievable," exclaimed Barry. "I've played plenty of poker in my day, but I never imagined I'd see a dog win at poker."

"Ah, we usually wipe out," said an old geezer at the table with a dismissive snort, "Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail."
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Did you hear about the moron who lost fifty dollars on the football game?
Twenty-five dollars on the game and twenty-five dollars on the instant replay.
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Bernice used to nag her husband constantly because he just sat around the house all weekend watching television, checking out the ball games, and drinking beer. "Sunday's the only day of the week you could actually spend a little quality time with you daughter, Lloyd, and instead she just watches a couch potato in action," she complained week after week. So Bernice was astonished to come home one Saturday at dinnertime and hear little Amy chirp happily, "Mommy, guess what? Daddy took me to the zoo today, and we saw lots of animals!"

"No kidding?"

"And guess what?" continued the kid enthusiastically. "One of them paid ten to one!"
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Gambling is a sure way of getting nothing for something.
Nick the Greek
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Harry walks into work one Monday morning with a huge grin on his face.

One of his co-workers says, "Why are you so happy?"

Harry says, "I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks."

A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving everyone.

One of his co-workers says, "You win at Bingo again?"

Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend and I won ten grand. I'm feeling so damn lucky that I think I'm going to ask that new Indian girl in Accounting out on a date."

The next Monday morning Harry is doing cartwheels down the hall.

One of the co-workers says, "Did you win another lottery?"

Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. You know that Indian girl from Accounting I asked out? Well, we had a great time at dinner, so I invited her up to my apartment for drinks, we wind up in bed, and the next thing I know she's giving me the best blow job I ever had."

One of his co-workers says. "Man, are you frigging lucky."

Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. She's blowing me, I look down, and you know that red dot on her forehead? I scratched it and I won ten grand."

 

[brucefinaldi]

The last one was hilarious!!

 

[BingoT]

Poker Club

Two guys go into a poker club, and head for the back room with the two high limit tables. They whisper a little back and forth, point at some people, then split up and each sit at a table.

The first guy is playing pretty and wild, throwing away money like it doesn't mean anything. The second guy occasionally glances at his table. Now one of the players at the first table is the owner of the club, who likes to sit down every now and then and give the regulars a little of their money back. After a while, he can't help but wonder where the new fish at his table, who is down three thousand dollars already, gets his money, since he's obviously got lots of it. So he asks him "Say, what do you do for a living?"

The guy answers "I bet people".

"Huh?" says the poker club owner, displaying that professions characteristic wit.

"I bet people. You know, about whether certain things will happen. Like, I could bet you ten thousand dollars that by the next time you win a pot, your balls will be cubical."

"What? Cubical balls? No way. I mean, how could you make money betting like that? You wouldn't bet that."

"I sure would. Ten thousand dollars. This game was pretty boring anyway, it needs a side bet."
The club owner thinks for a while, but he really can't see any way to lose this bet. Ten thousand dollars for free - he can't resist. You don't get to be a club owner without a big dose of greed, and this guy is typical, so he agrees to the absurd bet.

Strangely enough, the guy's play tightens up quite a bit, and as the next few hands are played, the club owner seems a little reluctant to go to the showdown. Not that he thinks it could actually happen, but, well, he can't help being a little superstitious. The guy he made the bet with notices this and takes advantage of it, bluffing him out of a pot. Maybe he isn't such a fish, think the other players. But then why would he make such a stupid bet?

After a while, the inevitable happens. The owner is dealt pocket aces, and the flop comes AKK. He may be a little worried, but there is no way he can fold a hand like this, and besides, his eyes are lighting up at the thought of 10 grand plus all the action he could get if someone else has one of the remaining aces or kings. Two players stay in to the showdown, and the owner gets a monster pot, his full house beating aces up and a player with Kx who got hit by the turn for Kings up. After he is pushed the pot, the eyes of all the players turn to the mysterious bettor.

"Well? You owe me 10 grand!", says the owner. "I can assure you, they feel just fiiiiiiine!"

"Can I see them.", asks the stranger.

"WHAT?", screams the casino owner.

"This is ten thousand dollars on the line. How can I believe you? Maybe you are lying for the money, or maybe you wouldn't even be able to tell. Who knows how cubical balls feel, right? I'm going to have to examine them to confirm that I lost the bet."

The casino owner thinks about it for a while, but while rather bizarre, he can't help realizing the request makes sense. How else to prove he won? His prudish nature battles with his greed for a while, but the final result is as predictable as a fight between a fish's fear of losing his last few chips and his hope that maybe this time, finally, he'll get that monster flop. The stranger walks over, and the casino owner drops his pants. The stranger's friend is watching intently from the other table in the room. The stranger reaches up, cups the owner's balls, then releases them and says, "You're right. You win the bet."

The casino owner restores his clothing and smiles hugely, as the stranger's friend goes on massive tilt, slamming his fists on the table and yelling, "FUCK YOU! YOU BASTARD, YOU DID IT AGAIN!"

The casino owner, curious about these strange events, asks the stranger, "I don't get it. If you make losing bets like that, how do you make money? And why is your friend so pissed?"

One answer should do for both.", replies the stranger smugly. "While we were parking, I bet my friend fifty grand that before an hour of playing went by, I'd have the owner of the casino by the balls."