- Joined
- Dec 16, 2004
- Location
- Palm Bay Florida
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great
gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a
demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own
eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand
dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
grand,
with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so
he
agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
strains
mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other
side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss
into a huge win.But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his
hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me
he'd
been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars
that he
could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy
about it.
The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great
gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a
demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own
eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand
dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
grand,
with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so
he
agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
strains
mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other
side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss
into a huge win.But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his
hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me
he'd
been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars
that he
could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy
about it.
