Friend with a Serious Gambling Problem, what can I do?

[frogrest22]

Hi everyone, I am looking for some advice.....

I have a friend that has developed a serious gambling problem and it has got to stage where he owes a lot of friends money, resorted to stealing and pawning some of his possessions.

He has been offered help on several occasions and has turned it down. He has even to a GA meeting which was unsuccessful. Basically he won't admit he has a problem.

His problems are both land based (casinos, bookmakers, etc.) and online gambling.

I am under the impression that he would have to ban himself in person for land based gambling? I presume it would not be possible for me or a member of his family to contact the casinos etc. to ban him ?

What about online casinos? What can be done there?

So is there anything i can do? The result I would ultimately like to achieve is getting him banned from all land and online gambling in the quickest way possible.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

 

[anniemac]

Frogrest22,

As with any other addiction, there is nothing that you can do to make your friend realize he/she has a problem and get help. What you and the other people are going to have to do is look at yourself and makes sure that you are not enabling your friend to gamble. Don't make it easy for the addict. Don't make excuses for him. Offer support in the recovery process but not in the addition process. As the saying goes, he will have to hit rock bottom and then decide to climb back up by himself.

There is a website/forum - www.dailystrength.com that has a very good gambling addiction support group. Lots of insight and a place to vent also.

 

[bigbear]

Frogrest22,

As with any other addiction, there is nothing that you can do to make your friend realize he/she has a problem and get help. What you and the other people are going to have to do is look at yourself and makes sure that you are not enabling your friend to gamble. Don't make it easy for the addict. Don't make excuses for him. Offer support in the recovery process but not in the addition process. As the saying goes, he will have to hit rock bottom and then decide to climb back up by himself.

There is a website/forum - www.dailystrength.com that has a very good gambling addiction support group. Lots of insight and a place to vent also.

Frogrest 22
It is possible to self exclude from online casinos,either he or yourself would need to go to the relevant site and follow the instructions.Not sure if it would be possible the ban if he tried to do so and there are so many online casinos he could always probably find somewhere to gamble if determined to do so.Good luck

 

[Simmo!]

It's a long shot if he's in denial but if you sat with him and got him to answer this truthfully, it might help him see:

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[frogrest22]

Thanks for your input folks.

I think if he filled out the self assessment form the answer would be yes for most of the questions,which is quite concerning.

I am aware that you can self exclude from casinos online and I believe you can self ban from land based casinos and bookies in the UK.

I am not so concerned about online gambling, because he has very limited access to the internet including on mobile phones, due to a not paying his bills etc.

The land based casinos and bookies are the main concern and I am not sure whether me or a family member asking these places to ban him would work, as i think he would have to be there in person; but it is an option I am considering exploring.

 

[anniemac]

frogrest22,

I doubt seriously if any casino/sportsbook would self exclude any player with the player actually asking for it. After all, he is an adult and as such can do whatever he wants within legal limits.

It's a sad thing but it's his life to live as he pleases.

 

[Simmo!]

I think if he filled out the self assessment form the answer would be yes for most of the questions,which is quite concerning.

Agreed but my point was really that if he were to see the assessment himself, it might just be one more baby step towards recognizing he has a problem. Can't hurt anyway.

 

[rrao]

permanent ban !!??

Hi everyone, I am looking for some advice.....
I have a friend that has developed a serious gambling problem What about online casinos? What can be done there? So is there anything i can do? The result I would ultimately like to achieve is getting him banned from all land and online gambling in the quickest way possible.

Few things that come to my mind based on my personal experiences in setting up a permanent ban on online gambling -

[1] lookup casinomeister for list of online gambling sites, register online on his behalf and request permanent self-exclusion. This works with most online casinos, though there are few rouge sites which are totally lax on responsible gaming measures.

New gaming sites crop up everyday, wish casinomeister could provide a blacklisting service where a member could register and get blacklisted from all accredited online casinos.

[2] lookup casinomeister for list of casino game providers, and send across a sincere note requesting support on the problem gambling issues while requesting for a permanent ban. I know for a fact that you can permanently self exclude this way for all microgaming sites.

[3] lookup casinomeister for list of funding source providers, register online on his behalf. Put across a personal note indicating the deeply disturbing serious gambling problem and your wish for this profile to be permanently blacklisted. This works very well with most e-wallets with few exceptions.

[4] payment gateways are used by all land based and online casinos, such 'ECash Direct', which can also block all transactions in your name.

[5] serious gambling problem is result of deep guilt, insecurity and the matter of chasing losses. Face-2-face interaction with gambling forum, counselling and increased exposure to spiritual and religious practices - yoga and meditation is necessary. Online forums do not help much here.

My best wishes go out to your dear friend. Hope it turns out all well in good time.

Best Regards,
RRao

 

[frogrest22]

Thanks again for the additional input guys.

I agree with you Simmo, it is something i will try and get him to do.

Anniemac - I believe UK land based casino and bookies have an obligation to players to ban them at the players request, might be something to do with the licensing regulations in the UK, but i am not a 100% sure.

RRAO - Thanks for you response....I will definitely explore your suggestions.

 

[anniemac]

frogrest22,

Yes, casinos, UK or US, have the responsibility to comply with a ban if you ask for it. But that's the thing, your friend will have to ask for it. Neither you or anyone else can do it for him.

He has to want to get better. You may want it for him with all your heart and good intentions, but until he realizes that he has a problem, he is not going to want to change.

 

[chayton]

Few things that come to my mind based on my personal experiences in setting up a permanent ban on online gambling -

[1] lookup casinomeister for list of online gambling sites, register online on his behalf and request permanent self-exclusion. This works with most online casinos, though there are few rouge sites which are totally lax on responsible gaming measures.

What you're suggesting there would be illegal. I'm sure it could be classified as fraud - and sorry to say, IMO is not very good advice.

At the OP - as much as you care about someone with a gambling problem, the only way to get them to stop is if they make the decision on their own. Obviously if you share a credit card or a bank account you can limit their access to funds. Or possibly if the person is a minor then you can report them to the casinos and have their accounts shut down. But if they're an adult and using their own money then you can't do anything except urge them to seek help and be supportive if and when they decide to quit.

 

[vinylweatherman]

The main thing you and friends can do is cut off his access to gambling funds. Since he borrows from friends, get together and agree not to lend him any more money. You can get him "stuff" of course, as essentials would be pretty hard to pawn. You could pay some bills on his behalf as a loan, rather than giving him the money. You could NOT pay the bills that keep him connected to the internet, such as his phone and broadband. Losing these would mean only having to worry about land casinos and bookies. Even here, without money, he won't be able to gamble.

He may have to hit rock bottom in order to accept how bad things are, and this is when you will be able to REALLY help. He will probably have all his credit cards locked, and no longer be able to get credit. He can then no longer get further into debt, and you will have to try and persuade him to use his income for essentials first, before going down the bookies.

I believe that bookies and land casinos have a responsibilty to act on signs that someone has a gambling problem, just as a pub can't serve someone who appears to be very drunk, even though they are demanding another drink. You could ask GA whether there is a way to trigger land casinos into taking action without your friend asking outright for self exclusion.

There have been cases where a problem gambler has tried to sue a bookie or casino for failing to exercise reasonable care in noticing that they were "in too deep" when taking their bets. It would of course be "reasonable" for a casino to know someone has a problem if they were given evidence of one. Maybe when his cards start getting declined at the cashier desk they will act.

 

[rrao]

thanks

thanks. Hope your dear friend finds succor, and finds himself safe from his problem gaming habits.

On the online casino new registration self-exclusion process, best to have a one-to-one chat with your dear friend, sit across the table, and together setup self-exclusions on all known online casino websites. Your friend may be too weak-willed to do all of this by himself. It is an arduous task and definitely will need your able support.

Best Regards,
RRao

 

[richie]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I don't think excluding him from bookies will work. If he is determined enough he will catch a bus, or if he has a car. will drive to another town or city & try there. He needs to admit to himself he has a problem. Which is probably the hardest part of quitting anything. Once there he then needs to get some free financial advice from the C.A.B. They will help him with sorting out any debts he may have from gambling. They helped me & it was a huge weight off my mind doing this. I would regularly meet with my financial advisor & together we sorted through the mess & I no longer felt I had to try & get a big win to pay back what I owed, & slowly but surely got control of my finances again. It wasn't easy. I also went away for a bit, took a holiday from where I was. Getting away from everything that I associated with gambling, helped my mind focus on other things. And helped me break the pattern/habit. I got into music & writing, even painting & found I could get as much of a rush doing this as I did gambling. I also became more outgoing & helped people, I work as a volunteer for a few organizations now & try to help people where I can, this also gives me a happy feeling. When you've hit rock bottom it's easier to understand another's problems & what I'm trying to say is by getting away from the gambling scene, which can literally mean physically, not just mentally. If you go someplace away from computers, betting shops & casinos it makes it easier to see there's more to life. You learn to come to terms with what's happened & see things as they really are. Do you have any large forests, hills, countryside, places where you can go for long walks away from towns/cities. I found a long walk somewhere pretty remote would help clear my head a lot, & helped with breaking free of my addiction.

Every bodies different, if he can find new things to get passionate about in his life, hobbies/interests, that helps a lot when it comes to plugging the void left by gambling. Good luck & don't despair. It is hard, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. He is lucky to have friends who care for him & isn't just fighting this on his own.

 

[bsilva028]

try you guys (friends) put his mind out of the gambling

try telling him "let's go, let's take a coffee", "we ate a bar or nightclub"

lets met something new, distracts your friend from every possible way so that he does not remember what is gambling