BingoT
Nurses love to give shots
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2004
- Location
- Palm Bay Florida
A week of smiles
MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was
having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact
the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told
her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the
girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for
her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and
give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was
preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed
her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to
hug her mother, saying, 'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm
dating Susan!'
TUESDAY A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake
the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a
damned fine sermon. Damned good!' The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but
I'd rather you didn't use profanity.' The man said, 'I was so damned
impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering
plate!' The preacher said, 'No shit?'
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some
hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to
be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed
him pancakes. That should solve the problem.' The next morning when the
boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in
the middle of the table. 'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?' Just take
two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.
THURSDAY One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find
her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent
and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment,
killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of
murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could
screw, he could fly.
FRIDAY A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material
we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting
here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach
lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the
most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone
here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering
for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a
75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,
'Wedding Cake.'
SATURDAY Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the
Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old
blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful
sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently
to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very
first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy
girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked
over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I
lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only
50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
SUNDAY Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the
process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She
showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they
no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your
old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!
MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was
having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact
the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told
her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the
girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for
her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and
give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was
preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed
her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to
hug her mother, saying, 'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm
dating Susan!'
TUESDAY A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake
the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a
damned fine sermon. Damned good!' The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but
I'd rather you didn't use profanity.' The man said, 'I was so damned
impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering
plate!' The preacher said, 'No shit?'
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some
hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to
be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed
him pancakes. That should solve the problem.' The next morning when the
boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in
the middle of the table. 'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?' Just take
two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.
THURSDAY One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find
her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent
and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment,
killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of
murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could
screw, he could fly.
FRIDAY A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material
we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting
here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach
lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the
most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone
here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering
for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a
75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,
'Wedding Cake.'
SATURDAY Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the
Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old
blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful
sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently
to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very
first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy
girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked
over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I
lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only
50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
SUNDAY Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the
process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She
showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they
no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your
old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!
