A week of smiles

[BingoT]

<div class="bbWrapper">A week of smiles<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> MONDAY<br /> The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was<br /> having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact<br /> the family&#039;s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told<br /> her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the<br /> girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for<br /> her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and<br /> give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was<br /> preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed<br /> her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to<br /> hug her mother, saying, &#039;Oh Mom! You don&#039;t have to worry about that! I&#039;m<br /> dating Susan!&#039;<br /> <br /> TUESDAY A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake<br /> the preacher&#039;s hand. He said, &#039;Preacher, I&#039;ll tell you, that was a<br /> damned fine sermon. Damned good!&#039; The preacher said, &#039;Thank you sir, but<br /> I&#039;d rather you didn&#039;t use profanity.&#039; The man said, &#039;I was so damned<br /> impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering<br /> plate!&#039; The preacher said, &#039;No shit?&#039;<br /> <br /> WEDNESDAY<br /> Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some<br /> hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to<br /> be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.<br /> After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, &#039;Just feed<br /> him pancakes. That should solve the problem.&#039; The next morning when the<br /> boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in<br /> the middle of the table. &#039;Gee, Mom,&#039; he exclaimed. &#039;For me?&#039; Just take<br /> two,&#039; Brenda replied. &#039;The rest are for your father.<br /> <br /> THURSDAY One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find<br /> her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent<br /> and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment,<br /> killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of<br /> murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.<br /> &#039;Your Honor,&#039; she began coolly, &#039;I figured that at 92, if he could<br /> screw, he could fly.<br /> <br /> FRIDAY A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. &#039;The material<br /> we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting<br /> here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach<br /> lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be<br /> disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the<br /> germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the<br /> most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone<br /> here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering<br /> for years after eating it?&#039; After several seconds of quiet, a<br /> 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,<br /> &#039;Wedding Cake.&#039; <br /> <br /> SATURDAY Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the<br /> Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old<br /> blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone&#039;s socks off with her youthful<br /> sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob&#039;s arm and listens intently<br /> to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very<br /> first chance, they corner him and ask, &#039;Bob, how&#039;d you get the trophy<br /> girlfriend?&#039; Bob replies, &#039;Girlfriend? She&#039;s my wife!&#039; They are knocked<br /> over, but continue to ask. &#039;So, how&#039;d you persuade her to marry you?&#039; &#039;I<br /> lied about my age&#039;, Bob replies. &#039;What, did you tell her you were only<br /> 50?&#039; Bob smiles and says, &#039;No, I told her I was 90.&#039;<br /> <br /> SUNDAY Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.<br /> As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the<br /> process of cheese making, explaining that goat&#039;s milk was used. She<br /> showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.<br /> &#039;These&#039; she explained, &#039;Are the older goats put out to pasture when they<br /> no longer produce.&#039; She then asked, &#039;What do you do in America with your<br /> old goats?&#039; A spry old gentleman answered, &#039;They send us on bus tours!</div>