Wrong numbers.

[skiny]

I don't know what it is about my phone number but I get at least as many wrong number phone calls as I get phone calls that are actually for me. And I live alone. If the call is not for me, it's another "sorry, wrong number."

At this point when the phone rings I figure I have about a 50/50 chance that it will be for me. So just to make answering the phone worth while I try to find new ways to tell people I'm not the person they're looking for.

"Can I speak to Florence?"
"Well, I wouldn't exactly say you can't but your chances would greatly increase if you dialed the right phone number."
Click.

"Can I speak to Bill?"
"Sorry. I paid bill. Would you like to speak to receipt?"
There was a really long pause after that one. Then a click.

Next day, same person, probably -
"Can I speak to Bill?"
"Well, ok.... Here Bill!" - whistle - "He just keeps licking the receiver. Can I take a message?"
Click.

"Can I speak to Florence?" again.
"There's no Florence living here."
"Is this 613 - 422 1947?" - I don't remember the actual number she gave.
"Not even close. Were you looking at the keypad when you dialed it?"
"Yes." - in a snotty tone.
"Was it right side up?"
Click.

"Is Frank there?"
"I don't think so but the door's been unlocked most of the day. Would you like me to look around?"
"Frank" And then some Italian sounding last name.
"Well, if you're going to be that specific it's going to drastically reduce the odds."
"Is Frank there?"
"Hang on, I still have two closest to check."
Click.

"Hello, can I speak to Brenda?"
"Nope." Long pause.
"Is Brenda there?"
"Nope." Long pause.
"Should I call back?"
"I wouldn't."
click.

What can I say? I'm easily amused.

 

[Brooklyn]

This is bullshit. No wonder it's always busy.

 

[Mouche12]

You're a funny guy Skiny

 

[skiny]

Once many years ago I had people call my number in Toronto 5 times looking for the same person in one week.

After the 5th call I said "She's not here but if you find her let me know. There's a lot of people looking for her."

A week later the person they're looking for calls my number. "I heard you were looking for me?"

 

[universal4]

Was it right side up??
Liked that one....

Hey you never looked under the bed, I'll bet Frank is hiding there....



You should try this one:

Could I get your name? This is the detective with the homocide division.....

Rick

 

[skiny]

I had a funny one today.

Someone called and I said "Hello?"
And with some woman with a middle eastern sounding accent said "Hello."
Then a pause.
And I said "Hello?"
And she said "Hello?"
And I said "You're new at this, aren't you?"
And she said "Yes."
Then she hung up because I started laughing.

I was going to ask her if she was using my number for practice.

 

[Balthazar]

Could I get your name? This is the detective with the homocide division...

Like this one?

 

[universal4]

Yea, exactly, I think that would be so cool to use that one on any one of the many sportsbooks that call trying to get you to join their book before a ball game on a Sunday afternoon.

I am sure they would never stay on long enough for the gag to work though.

 

[just play]

I used to have a number that was very similar to the mechanic shop right up the street from me. I used to go there all the time, so I knew their number.

I would get phone calls a few times a week for them, they would say is this "so in so" and I would say no, and give them the correct number.