- Joined
- Apr 5, 2016
- Location
- Ireland
Hi to anyone who reads this and remembers me. It has been a long time since I posted last. Christmas 2024 actually .. Apologies in advance for the short story.. 
- Skip it if you want, I've no problem with that...
I stopped playing not out of any worries about gambling issues or anything (tbh least of my issues in life, it actually helps me, bizarrely) In May 2025, on the 14th to be exact, my beautiful, kind, totally gifted in drawing, painting, illustrating and with writing stories, generous and hell of a brilliant sense of humour 17yr old daughter, Emily, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Small Cell Carcinoma of the Ovary.
It's the rarest ovarian cancer in the world with only 0.01 percent of the female population in the demographic of puberty to early 20s who develop it.The SMARCA4 gene makes a crucial protein that acts like a cellular librarian. Its job is to reach up, open specific parts of the manual, and read the safety instructions—especially the ones that say, 'Stop dividing,' 'Repair damage,' or 'Age and die naturally.
In my daughter's case, the SMARCA4 gene developed a 'spelling mistake' or glitch (a mutation) that shut it down. Because the gene was inactivated, the cell lost its librarian. Without that librarian, the safety instructions couldn't be opened or read.
Without those safety instructions telling the cells when to stop growing, a group of ovarian cells started multiplying out of control, which eventually formed the tumor known as small cell carcinoma of the ovary...our poor daughter only 17 and about to do her Leaving Cert, (Imfuess the equivalent was looking forward to a long relaxing summer and the holiday
I had saved up for all 4 of us as 2025, we had her sisters 21st, her 18th and her Dad's 50th birthdays. Instead it was the cruelest 9 months of our lives and she suffered all the way through, from the day of her diagnosis as she went through 4 chemo cycles and began immunotherapy and was taken off it after two rounds of immunotherapy treatments.
SCCOTO(H) is the most aggressive and fast moving cancer type and as mentioned, the rarest. She was patient no 315, worldwide, since 2014. The oncologist told her she wouldn't see Christmas and if she did she definitely wouldn't see New Year. She told our daughter and I that morning that it was over.
No more scans or treatments even though they hadn't even scanned her after putting her on the breast cancer chemo. She was being referred to palliative care. My beautiful earth angel, who never complained once, never cried, faced the idea of death with a strength and bravery I know I could never have and I am 2½ times her age just kept her eyes glued on me, a mixture of sudden fear and sadness.
She and I already knew the time would come eventually but her Dad was in unbelievable total denial whereas I was stuck in the present and just absolutely distraught, but holding it together because that's what you do. You have to. How do you, as a parent, even bare to face such news?
The anticipatory grief has been there since the first told us she wouldn't see Christmas. Her favourite time of the year. You sob when no one is looking and then you build a wall to hide behind to ensure you're giving who you still see as your baby girl, roddling around, building a crazy vocabulary well before the general milestone.,watching her personality become the glue that held me together because her comical actions and sentences and watching her master playing the XBox at only 2 years old and as she grew older the comedian in her free too,
I was very sick and I remember being in bed feeling sad that I was missing out on life and Emily would put on a swimming cap and a pair of goggles and stick a straw in her mouth and crawl into my room with, her arms doing the motions of the breaststroke as she got close to me, or when she came in singing some random time she had made up, with.
A towel wrapped around her curly head and one of her dad's mini bongos tapping it and dancing around. She would make me laugh so hard I would forget I was sick at all. Even as a younger teenager, if my illness has flared up and she knew, she would crawl into bed beside me when she had done her homework just to watch my favourite TV show and follow it with her favourite and then one of mine and so on until bedtime.
You give all your strength and support and honesty to your child close to adulthood but would never get to see it, experience it.... I promised her that when her time came I would be holding her in my arms just as after my 9mths of pregnancy with her when the midwife announced we had had a girl and passed her to me and I first wrapped my arms around her little body swaddled in a blanket and I held her close to my chest and my heart...the love I felt was instant. I held her thinking to myself, you won't be raised like I was, you'll get hugs and kisses and told you're loved all the time, you will be able to talk to me about anything without any judgement.
You are going to be an amazing young woman just like your sister will be. Her sister was born with cerebral palsy, I wrote about it here before. The hospital were completely negligent and she wouldn't have suffered the brain injury from hypoxia at birth had they bothered once to listen to my genuine worry that something didn't feel right. She was flatline when they finally realised something was wrong and hooked her up to the foetal heart monitor
Today Kayley is 22 and she is a force to be reckoned with, so determined and focused on succeeding and changing the perceptions of those with disabilities. We took her to America at 6 for surgery that removed the spasticity from her legs under the care of the man whom worked miracles for thousands of children and she was in the first 100 or so to have the surgery from Europe. She was the first Irish child and I opened a FB group back in 2011 for other parents in Ireland to be able to see the option that could change their child's life forever.
As for my sweet gentle and shy Emily at 17 years old who declared her sexuality as a lesbian to me at 14½, she powered through every single scan, test, chemo 6hoir infusion, every immunotherapy Her body began to make it's final moves of shutting down on February 21st, and the Agonal breathing began at 8.20 am on the 22nd.
I lay behind her in her bed cuddled into her only leaving once for a bathroom break. I fell in and out of sleep behind her (I have narcolepsy) but spoke to her softly when I'm was awake. I hope through the sedation and morphine she could hear us .. she died 12 hours later exactly at 8.20pm.
I leaned down and felt her last breath like a delicate whisper on my cheek and she was gone. I remember the funeral directors taking her out on the gurney and I noticed saliva bubbling on her lips and stopped them while I ran into to get a soft cotton pad to gently dab it away. I watched the hearse leave our drive way and followed it, watching the tail lights get smaller until the turned out of our road. .
I've been so broken since and the only distraction is often throwing a few quid into one of my usual haunts and just being focused on that for sometimes hours...at least it halts the pain in my broken body
So I recently joined an accredited site here called Betstarz. I was playing away and came out with a really nice win
so I immediately started to fill out the verification part. I've now been doing that since September because nothing is good enough for them. They have accused me numerous times of using "filters" on my photo. I never come across any casino in my 20 years of playing (and seeing games I once loved disappear and new styles taking over, * sigh * ) ask me for a photo of me with my passport.
I did so and was told I used a filter .. well I kinda had to brighten the picture up otherwise the passport details wouldn't be seen properly so I was using my phone in one hand to take the pic and the other to hold my passport without covering any of the writing anywhere.
I managed it, fixed the brightness and contrast and sharpened it a little so the passport words could be clearly seen and the photo was also zoomable and sent it in. It was rejected for "using a filter".
Then I sent another, there was another issue with that "using a filter" when I hadn't at all! Then they told me I had to take a photo of myself with the passport and a piece of paper with the word Bitstarz and the date with my name and signature.
I got my partner, who is a photographer to take it of me in the best lighting and I held both items up. I was AGAIN accused of using a "filter" My partner would. NEVER use a filter, he's totally against photo manipulation of any kind yet that was the response I got up anove. So At this stage they've taken my money and kept my win
At this stage I don't think they know what a filter is because there was NO filter, no effects, no need to fiddle with brightness and contrast etc. They also said
And today after speaking with their "help" regarding my unedited photo and new Visa Card I received this
Hi there,
Sorry, we can't accept documents by email or chat, it's for security reasons. The good news is you can upload them all straight to your account for verification, on the Verification page.
You can upload your documents by opening the menu (☰) at the top left and going to My Account → My Profile → Verification.
Once received, our verification team usually checks them within an hour of upload, but it can take up to 12 hours if they're particularly busy. We'll email you if we need anything else from you.
Kind Regards,
bit★Starz Support
I am absolutely shattered with this crap. I've done everything they've asked and something is always wrong. They have had 3 deposits from me, I won some money, went to verification before even trying to withdraw and I feel like I'm being asked to do things no one else would.
That casino is accredited here and now I feel completely robbed. All for playing on a new site because I was looking for distraction from constantly crying and thinking of my poor baby girl. They're always our babies even when they were Earth Angels when alive, there is not one day that I have gone without crying in 8mths. .the pain is horrendous. Now I truly understand the reason people say it's the hardest pain a mother or father can ever go through.
Do you ever feel like you are living in actual hell? This is your version of hell? Cos I've been cursed ALL my damn life.
Sorry for the long post btw. I'm just in a terrible place and being robbed of deposits and then winning double it back and they are just throwing all this crap at me since September.
- Skip it if you want, I've no problem with that...I stopped playing not out of any worries about gambling issues or anything (tbh least of my issues in life, it actually helps me, bizarrely) In May 2025, on the 14th to be exact, my beautiful, kind, totally gifted in drawing, painting, illustrating and with writing stories, generous and hell of a brilliant sense of humour 17yr old daughter, Emily, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Small Cell Carcinoma of the Ovary.
It's the rarest ovarian cancer in the world with only 0.01 percent of the female population in the demographic of puberty to early 20s who develop it.The SMARCA4 gene makes a crucial protein that acts like a cellular librarian. Its job is to reach up, open specific parts of the manual, and read the safety instructions—especially the ones that say, 'Stop dividing,' 'Repair damage,' or 'Age and die naturally.
In my daughter's case, the SMARCA4 gene developed a 'spelling mistake' or glitch (a mutation) that shut it down. Because the gene was inactivated, the cell lost its librarian. Without that librarian, the safety instructions couldn't be opened or read.
Without those safety instructions telling the cells when to stop growing, a group of ovarian cells started multiplying out of control, which eventually formed the tumor known as small cell carcinoma of the ovary...our poor daughter only 17 and about to do her Leaving Cert, (Imfuess the equivalent was looking forward to a long relaxing summer and the holiday
I had saved up for all 4 of us as 2025, we had her sisters 21st, her 18th and her Dad's 50th birthdays. Instead it was the cruelest 9 months of our lives and she suffered all the way through, from the day of her diagnosis as she went through 4 chemo cycles and began immunotherapy and was taken off it after two rounds of immunotherapy treatments.
SCCOTO(H) is the most aggressive and fast moving cancer type and as mentioned, the rarest. She was patient no 315, worldwide, since 2014. The oncologist told her she wouldn't see Christmas and if she did she definitely wouldn't see New Year. She told our daughter and I that morning that it was over.
No more scans or treatments even though they hadn't even scanned her after putting her on the breast cancer chemo. She was being referred to palliative care. My beautiful earth angel, who never complained once, never cried, faced the idea of death with a strength and bravery I know I could never have and I am 2½ times her age just kept her eyes glued on me, a mixture of sudden fear and sadness.
She and I already knew the time would come eventually but her Dad was in unbelievable total denial whereas I was stuck in the present and just absolutely distraught, but holding it together because that's what you do. You have to. How do you, as a parent, even bare to face such news?
The anticipatory grief has been there since the first told us she wouldn't see Christmas. Her favourite time of the year. You sob when no one is looking and then you build a wall to hide behind to ensure you're giving who you still see as your baby girl, roddling around, building a crazy vocabulary well before the general milestone.,watching her personality become the glue that held me together because her comical actions and sentences and watching her master playing the XBox at only 2 years old and as she grew older the comedian in her free too,
I was very sick and I remember being in bed feeling sad that I was missing out on life and Emily would put on a swimming cap and a pair of goggles and stick a straw in her mouth and crawl into my room with, her arms doing the motions of the breaststroke as she got close to me, or when she came in singing some random time she had made up, with.
A towel wrapped around her curly head and one of her dad's mini bongos tapping it and dancing around. She would make me laugh so hard I would forget I was sick at all. Even as a younger teenager, if my illness has flared up and she knew, she would crawl into bed beside me when she had done her homework just to watch my favourite TV show and follow it with her favourite and then one of mine and so on until bedtime.
You give all your strength and support and honesty to your child close to adulthood but would never get to see it, experience it.... I promised her that when her time came I would be holding her in my arms just as after my 9mths of pregnancy with her when the midwife announced we had had a girl and passed her to me and I first wrapped my arms around her little body swaddled in a blanket and I held her close to my chest and my heart...the love I felt was instant. I held her thinking to myself, you won't be raised like I was, you'll get hugs and kisses and told you're loved all the time, you will be able to talk to me about anything without any judgement.
You are going to be an amazing young woman just like your sister will be. Her sister was born with cerebral palsy, I wrote about it here before. The hospital were completely negligent and she wouldn't have suffered the brain injury from hypoxia at birth had they bothered once to listen to my genuine worry that something didn't feel right. She was flatline when they finally realised something was wrong and hooked her up to the foetal heart monitor
Today Kayley is 22 and she is a force to be reckoned with, so determined and focused on succeeding and changing the perceptions of those with disabilities. We took her to America at 6 for surgery that removed the spasticity from her legs under the care of the man whom worked miracles for thousands of children and she was in the first 100 or so to have the surgery from Europe. She was the first Irish child and I opened a FB group back in 2011 for other parents in Ireland to be able to see the option that could change their child's life forever.
As for my sweet gentle and shy Emily at 17 years old who declared her sexuality as a lesbian to me at 14½, she powered through every single scan, test, chemo 6hoir infusion, every immunotherapy Her body began to make it's final moves of shutting down on February 21st, and the Agonal breathing began at 8.20 am on the 22nd.
I lay behind her in her bed cuddled into her only leaving once for a bathroom break. I fell in and out of sleep behind her (I have narcolepsy) but spoke to her softly when I'm was awake. I hope through the sedation and morphine she could hear us .. she died 12 hours later exactly at 8.20pm.
I leaned down and felt her last breath like a delicate whisper on my cheek and she was gone. I remember the funeral directors taking her out on the gurney and I noticed saliva bubbling on her lips and stopped them while I ran into to get a soft cotton pad to gently dab it away. I watched the hearse leave our drive way and followed it, watching the tail lights get smaller until the turned out of our road. .
I've been so broken since and the only distraction is often throwing a few quid into one of my usual haunts and just being focused on that for sometimes hours...at least it halts the pain in my broken body
So I recently joined an accredited site here called Betstarz. I was playing away and came out with a really nice win
so I immediately started to fill out the verification part. I've now been doing that since September because nothing is good enough for them. They have accused me numerous times of using "filters" on my photo. I never come across any casino in my 20 years of playing (and seeing games I once loved disappear and new styles taking over, * sigh * ) ask me for a photo of me with my passport.I did so and was told I used a filter .. well I kinda had to brighten the picture up otherwise the passport details wouldn't be seen properly so I was using my phone in one hand to take the pic and the other to hold my passport without covering any of the writing anywhere.
I managed it, fixed the brightness and contrast and sharpened it a little so the passport words could be clearly seen and the photo was also zoomable and sent it in. It was rejected for "using a filter".
Then I sent another, there was another issue with that "using a filter" when I hadn't at all! Then they told me I had to take a photo of myself with the passport and a piece of paper with the word Bitstarz and the date with my name and signature.
I got my partner, who is a photographer to take it of me in the best lighting and I held both items up. I was AGAIN accused of using a "filter" My partner would. NEVER use a filter, he's totally against photo manipulation of any kind yet that was the response I got up anove. So At this stage they've taken my money and kept my win
At this stage I don't think they know what a filter is because there was NO filter, no effects, no need to fiddle with brightness and contrast etc. They also said
And today after speaking with their "help" regarding my unedited photo and new Visa Card I received this
Hi there,
Sorry, we can't accept documents by email or chat, it's for security reasons. The good news is you can upload them all straight to your account for verification, on the Verification page.
You can upload your documents by opening the menu (☰) at the top left and going to My Account → My Profile → Verification.
Once received, our verification team usually checks them within an hour of upload, but it can take up to 12 hours if they're particularly busy. We'll email you if we need anything else from you.
Kind Regards,
bit★Starz Support
I am absolutely shattered with this crap. I've done everything they've asked and something is always wrong. They have had 3 deposits from me, I won some money, went to verification before even trying to withdraw and I feel like I'm being asked to do things no one else would.
That casino is accredited here and now I feel completely robbed. All for playing on a new site because I was looking for distraction from constantly crying and thinking of my poor baby girl. They're always our babies even when they were Earth Angels when alive, there is not one day that I have gone without crying in 8mths. .the pain is horrendous. Now I truly understand the reason people say it's the hardest pain a mother or father can ever go through.
Do you ever feel like you are living in actual hell? This is your version of hell? Cos I've been cursed ALL my damn life.
Sorry for the long post btw. I'm just in a terrible place and being robbed of deposits and then winning double it back and they are just throwing all this crap at me since September.
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