Plans for 2017!

[Jasminebed]

I eventually resorted to stopping any kind of direct contact with their mum so nothing could be twisted to make me look bad. I made sure I paid full maintenance for a few years which I arranged to be paid directly from my wages until I changed employer. Then as it appeared I was getting along ok with their mum I chose to give her cash monthy in front of the girls. This giving cash went on for two years until my contract ended.
Guess what happened next? She contacted the Child Support Agency and told them I had gave her no money for two years. With no proof of payments I was royally shafted and as soon as I started a new contract the CSA demanded extortionate amounts out of my wages to pay off the " unpaid 2 years".

I am not having a pity party here. I'm cool with it because I was stupid. But my girls knew the truth

I don't get it. While my ex-husband was not the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, he was not a bad man, just unhappy. I bent over backwards to make it easy for him to see our kid. We were barely civil, and he told her it was all my fault for a long time.

But nearly 30 years later, he's a wonderful grandpa, and I occasionally give a like to some smart-alec comment he makes on facebook.

Kids need more than one parent to blame their problems on, even if they don't live in the same house.

In the beginning, my ex paid his child support in cash, and I always gave him a receipt. Tax laws at the time, I had to declare it as income, and he got to claim it as a deduction.

If you pay cash, always get a receipt. Not just child support, anything.

 

[Harry_BKK]

I eventually resorted to stopping any kind of direct contact with their mum so nothing could be twisted to make me look bad. I made sure I paid full maintenance for a few years which I arranged to be paid directly from my wages until I changed employer. Then as it appeared I was getting along ok with their mum I chose to give her cash monthy in front of the girls. This giving cash went on for two years until my contract ended.
Guess what happened next? She contacted the Child Support Agency and told them I had gave her no money for two years. With no proof of payments I was royally shafted and as soon as I started a new contract the CSA demanded extortionate amounts out of my wages to pay off the " unpaid 2 years".

I am not having a pity party here. I'm cool with it because I was stupid. But my girls knew the truth

I use Western Union to send money, hence i got receipts. Although i have given her cash as well in between, the highest was once SGD12K in one shot when she needed money to close up her failed business.

Financial support is not even a must according to Singapore law as i was not married to her, nor is it a requirement to have access to the child. But he is my son and will always have my love and support, no matter how small that support is at times. At the moment the support is reduced to sending money every month, not once did she reply to my messages though, she just collects the dosh at the next WU shop and i get then a SMS from WU that the transfer is completed. Wouldn't know otherwise if she picked it up.

 

[LHofsdal]

I use Western Union to send money, hence i got receipts. Although i have given her cash as well in between, the highest was once SGD12K in one shot when she needed money to close up her failed business.

Financial support is not even a must according to Singapore law as i was not married to her, nor is it a requirement to have access to the child. But he is my son and will always have my love and support, no matter how small that support is at times. At the moment the support is reduced to sending money every month, not once did she reply to my messages though, she just collects the dosh at the next WU shop and i get then a SMS from WU that the transfer is completed. Wouldn't know otherwise if she picked it up.

It saddens me to read how a mother can be so manipulative when it comes to their children see their father! It pisses me off to no end to read that crap about Geo being 2 yrs behind. This is just me, but no matter what happens between my hubby and I, I have never said anything bad about him to our daughter. No matter how pissed off he made me. Even when she gets mad at him she will say something and I stop her and remind her that is her father and to stop. She does stop because I won't allow her to disrespect him.

I wish you both the best here, I know it must be hard. And I am sure at times so damn frustrating. But if you don't continue to fight your kids will never know what great dads you both are!

All the best,
Lori

 

[Mark_32Red (retired acct)]

not once did she reply to my messages though, she just collects the dosh at the next WU shop and i get then a SMS from WU that the transfer is completed. Wouldn't know otherwise if she picked it up.

That made me so angry. As a father I can't imagine your frustration but huge hats off for doing the right thing even if she isn't. Hope the move helps.

 

[geordiecolin]

I don't get it. While my ex-husband was not the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, he was not a bad man, just unhappy. I bent over backwards to make it easy for him to see our kid. We were barely civil, and he told her it was all my fault for a long time.

But nearly 30 years later, he's a wonderful grandpa, and I occasionally give a like to some smart-alec comment he makes on facebook.

Kids need more than one parent to blame their problems on, even if they don't live in the same house.

In the beginning, my ex paid his child support in cash, and I always gave him a receipt. Tax laws at the time, I had to declare it as income, and he got to claim it as a deduction.

If you pay cash, always get a receipt. Not just child support, anything.

I always had a good relationship with my girls,but access often depended which way the wind was blowing. Rather than have court battles and conflicts that would effect the kids I just excepted things as they where knowing that it wouldn't be too long before they where old enough to give her choices. Which they did Ones at Uni and the other will be heading of to Uni soon and their relationship with their mum is now sadly horrible. This is their home now.

I'm not one for posting personal stuff,but I think it would be wise to play the long game and give your son little reason to resent you and in time things will turn around remarkably

 

[mina1929]

Thanks mate, did really good to read your lines. :notworthy

I hope of course that with the time things will change. In Singapore the law allows kids from the age of 9 years to decide themselves whether they want to see their 'missing' parent, nothing the main carer can do about it. He's 7 1/2 now, so a little more to go.

She has 2 kids from her first marriage, they haven't seen their father in over 10 years and they are meanwhile 16 and 20 years old. That's how badly she turned the kids against their father.

Wasted $10,000's in lawyer fees already and it hasn't got me anywhere as I was not married to her and the Singaporean law puts in that case the mother at a huge advantage, even more so if the father is a foreigner. Basically, i have no legal right to see my child, only if the mother agrees. And she can end that agreement unilaterally at any time.

Won't give up though!

Oh no Harry, had no idea you are going through this until I just read it

I have two, a boy and a girl ages 21 and 27 I told their father to see them when ever he wanted when they were little.

He would take them every second weekend as he worked and on holidays. No matter what differences we had we never involved the children. I spoke highly of him and he did the same.

After all, the children are the ones that suffer because they need their dads and mums. It's not fair that some parents are like that, it is so cruel and selfish!!

Don't give up Harry

 

[mina1929]

This year will be the year of getting things done.

Not going to miss any birthdays, I am going to keep in touch with friends more often and help people in need as there are so many sad and stressed people out there these days.

I would like this year to be a jolly one. To make people laugh at my silliness and stupid jokes will be good enough for me.

Happy New Year ahead everyone

 

[Harry_BKK]

Thank you all very much for your kind words, encouragement and support....it means a lot to me.

I can't understand either why mothers would be like that, got no explanation to what reasons are behind it. She doesn't realize that she hurts the kids most.

What really disappointed me most though was that she wouldn't let my mother talk to her grandchild. My mum is 80 years old, she's seen him twice until now when i took him and her to Germany (she wouldn't let me take him alone) and it is her only grandchild. Who knows how much longer she will be around. She's done nothing wrong to her, but every time my mum calls she switches the phone off. Not even on his birthday, Christmas, first school day, nothing....that is in my view absolute cruelty.

Won't give up, that is for sure...there will be the day the sun will shine again!

 

[chris87]

A good thread Harry, but sad that you're having to go through this.

I said in the "Owning your own home" thread that I lost my house when I divorced 13 years ago, but I also had a battle to keep a meaningful relationship with my 2 children as the divorce was acrimonious. Luckily in my case, my ex saw sense and I've kept contact, but it has taken miles of travelling and sometimes difficult times.

I know you will keep battling on and I am sure things will resolve themselves.

Good luck, my thoughts are with you.

Chris

 

[mcgameboy]

Thank you all very much for your kind words, encouragement and support....it means a lot to me.

I can't understand either why mothers would be like that, got no explanation to what reasons are behind it. She doesn't realize that she hurts the kids most.

What really disappointed me most though was that she wouldn't let my mother talk to her grandchild. My mum is 80 years old, she's seen him twice until now when i took him and her to Germany (she wouldn't let me take him alone) and it is her only grandchild. Who knows how much longer she will be around. She's done nothing wrong to her, but every time my mum calls she switches the phone off. Not even on his birthday, Christmas, first school day, nothing....that is in my view absolute cruelty.

Won't give up, that is for sure...there will be the day the sun will shine again!

It's psychological warfare mate. Sad, but true. By hurting your mum's feelings, she is indirectly trying to hurt yours too. Why? In the hope it triggers
a reaction from you. But not just ANY old reaction. One that you cannot undo, one that you will live to regret, possibly forever. It only takes one moment of weakness (or even madness) and the most carefully built, best-laid out plans become a complete train wreck.

Which is why I think geordie has got the right idea. Play the long game and maintain YOUR dignity at all times. If your son's mother wants to be the way she is, manipulative, cold, scheming, divisive, a player of mind games, then so be it. That's HER call. You cannot control that.

Don't waste time, energy or focus over the things that you cannot control. Work on all of the things that you can control. Make your life easier. Get your mindset right. Get your shit together (for want of a better expression lol), be ready and be prepared - mentally, physically and emotionally. Save your energy and your focus for the battles that lie ahead (and I'm sure you well and truly know this already - there WILL be battles, and they may get VERY DIRTY, especially if she starts to feel like she's losing control of her's son affections while you start to gain some).

Look at it this way mate....this is your Everest, your challenge of a lifetime. It's going to be a bumpy ride, an arduous climb to the top. But if you've got all your ducks lined up nice and neat, your PMA charged to 100%, and the determination to succeed, you'll be ready for what lies ahead. You'll handle the bumps. And eventually, you will triumph and take home the coveted prize. Even if you only get to keep it for weekends.

I wish you the best of luck mate....you're a good man and you deserve the best things in life. :notworthy

 

[MissRuthless]

Don't waste time, energy or focus over the things that you cannot control. Work on all of the things that you can control. Make your life easier. Get your mindset right. Get your shit together

^ This is pretty accurate for just general every day of anything and a very good way to view, look and think.

 

[slotmaster]

Saw 2 business's for sale within a day of each other, 1 hour south of me and the other hour north,lol. I have a bad feeling I should have contacted each right away. The 1 would have been full time but would have to drive the hour each day or hire employee and the other was very part time which is o.k. as a side income would work for me as well.

Anyway was happy that some were popping up but it has been back to quiet since those so still on the hunt.

 

[geordiecolin]

Saw 2 business's for sale within a day of each other, 1 hour south of me and the other hour north,lol. I have a bad feeling I should have contacted each right away. The 1 would have been full time but would have to drive the hour each day or hire employee and the other was very part time which is o.k. as a side income would work for me as well.

Anyway was happy that some were popping up but it has been back to quiet since those so still on the hunt.

I'll give you a tip for free. It is always advisable to take the business an hour to the south of you because the weather an hour south is invariably much better than the one an hour north. Unless you live half an hour north of the south coast.
Hope that helps?

 

[slotmaster]

While true here it would still be bad weather either way. Though I would eventually move closer.

 

[Steviedoo]

Saw 2 business's for sale within a day of each other, 1 hour south of me and the other hour north,lol. I have a bad feeling I should have contacted each right away. The 1 would have been full time but would have to drive the hour each day or hire employee and the other was very part time which is o.k. as a side income would work for me as well.

Anyway was happy that some were popping up but it has been back to quiet since those so still on the hunt.

the franchise convention is making the rounds in major cities in canada.

i went to check it out here ....beside the usual resto/fast food franchises...they weren't offering much...but you might find it helpful. they have a website: Outdated URL (Invalid)

 

[slotmaster]

Thanks StevieDooooooooooooo

I don't feel the greatest with franchises, Not saying against it totally just not my first choice.

 

[Harry_BKK]

A small development in the last couple of days.

My lawyer in SG handed in on Tuesday all the paperwork to apply again for visiting rights to start the "legal spiel" with the mother of my son before i actually move in March. In that I proposed to support her financially but only with about half of what i send her now every month. This happened on Tuesday with a copy of it going to her lawyer. And guess who called me last night the first time in over 18 months?!

"of course you can see your son, I never said this and that....no need to go through courts....etc.etc....." Geez, can it be more obvious!

The best part is that i was able to speak to my son for the first time in 18 months for about 1 hour via LINE Video Call which we both enjoyed thoroughly. He's grown a lot and told me "pssst, mummy has a boyfriend, but i told him i don't like him and that my daddy is much better" ....LOOL, gotta love the kids' honesty.

I am waiting now to see where it all goes!

 

[Jono777]

Great news matey, onwards and upwards

 

[illu88]

Thanks mate, did really good to read your lines. :notworthy

I hope of course that with the time things will change. In Singapore the law allows kids from the age of 9 years to decide themselves whether they want to see their 'missing' parent, nothing the main carer can do about it. He's 7 1/2 now, so a little more to go.

She has 2 kids from her first marriage, they haven't seen their father in over 10 years and they are meanwhile 16 and 20 years old. That's how badly she turned the kids against their father.

Wasted $10,000's in lawyer fees already and it hasn't got me anywhere as I was not married to her and the Singaporean law puts in that case the mother at a huge advantage, even more so if the father is a foreigner. Basically, i have no legal right to see my child, only if the mother agrees. And she can end that agreement unilaterally at any time.

Won't give up though!

Oh Harry feel sry about this Situation , but you have to stay strong for your Kids and you will have the Power,for sure.


Unfortunately, I am also one of three divorced children and the oldest one it happed as i was 9 or 10years (Brother 8 sister 6)
Whenever my father came drunk from the pub or football, he has my mother through the house Flogged until she had bruises, put down doors if you wanted to hide. You get all this as a child want to help your mother but you can not do anything against your drunken violent father. After the almost 2 years so went on, my mother was broken but she must stay strong for us She waked me up deep in the Night my Brother and Sister too lead us to the Garage where her Firmcar was allready loaded with 3 or 4 Suits with clothes for the next days we Kids don t know where the Trip would takes us and fall again 2 sleep within Minutes.

But my mother had already mastered her master plan and fled with us from the clutches and home of the father 200km away to my grandma to the village which we loved as children because of all the animals and farmyards. Since then we have the next 3 years in a large apartment which belonged to a friend of my grandmother .. I could tell the story now for a long time sadly because the WAR between my parents then really started. But my mother has never received physical blows from my father ever since. After 25 years I'm done with that all god thank you, but that was a hard way and I also suffered a lot of damage to this situation.

I had to use translator to bring it from German to English hope its mostfull understandable for you.It tooks over 70minutes to correct the Translator is some cases. And please no compassion I'm done with all that.
At least i know that is true:

No cock is as hard as life and fucks you every day on new

 

[slotmaster]

Hey Harry hang in there, I have couple co worker's going through the same thing.

Nothing really new to report, Still have a bad feeling I should have went for the stuff I saw 2-3 weeks ago. I tried to get a answer about where I am currently living but most likely won't get a answer till end of this month if lucky or end of March.

It has slowed down in the business for sale and job postings the last week and to top off my bad day yesterday I got a letter from the bank that they are raising my interest rate cause you know they need more money.

 

[slotmaster]

Got trolled after begging again for some postings to come up, Job posting today that I could go for but it's identical to my horrible situation where I am now.booourns.

Anyone have experience with "stress leave"? I know not too many fellow Canadians on here but pretty sure I had a panic/anxiety attack today at work. (2nd one in a few day's). Besides getting the run around the last time I asked about it, employer say's go to insurance company, insurance company say's no you have to go through employer like f!@# me!

Obviously with it only being a percentage of pay you can't be on it long but even just a short time sounds wonderful. Heck I am off Friday and sooooo excited just not being there and I am not even doing anything on my day off. Going to be the best day of my life if I find my own business or another job and hand in my notice oh man I dream about it every day!

I did book a week holiday's for 1st week of May(if I am still there) but will see if that is approved in the next week or 2.

Just from a blog I read last night from a fellow Canadian and couple people I have talked too say's I should go on it.

 

[Harry_BKK]

Got trolled after begging again for some postings to come up, Job posting today that I could go for but it's identical to my horrible situation where I am now.booourns.

Anyone have experience with "stress leave"? I know not too many fellow Canadians on here but pretty sure I had a panic/anxiety attack today at work. (2nd one in a few day's). Besides getting the run around the last time I asked about it, employer say's go to insurance company, insurance company say's no you have to go through employer like f!@# me!

Obviously with it only being a percentage of pay you can't be on it long but even just a short time sounds wonderful. Heck I am off Friday and sooooo excited just not being there and I am not even doing anything on my day off. Going to be the best day of my life if I find my own business or another job and hand in my notice oh man I dream about it every day!

I did book a week holiday's for 1st week of May(if I am still there) but will see if that is approved in the next week or 2.

Just from a blog I read last night from a fellow Canadian and couple people I have talked too say's I should go on it.

Really sorry to hear that. Been there too in my young years that i didn't like my job, although never that bad or that it led to panic attacks.

Made it a habit to change companies every 3-4 years and the longest i ever stayed in 28 years of my working live was 5y2m. Moved countries 3 times in between as well that kept things even more interesting as i had to learn a new language on each occasion. No time to get frustrated.

I can only recommend you to change something asap, it does wonders to your level of happiness!

 

[slotmaster]

Really sorry to hear that. Been there too in my young years that i didn't like my job, although never that bad or that it led to panic attacks.

Made it a habit to change companies every 3-4 years and the longest i ever stayed in 28 years of my working live was 5y2m. Moved countries 3 times in between as well that kept things even more interesting as i had to learn a new language on each occasion. No time to get frustrated.

I can only recommend you to change something asap, it does wonders to your level of happiness!

Actually was same as you, Not long at 1 job and this is the longest I have been at a employer (coming into my 7th year). No I have no idea why I have stayed for so long.

I know January and February are usually slow for hiring and such, It's just every day is so long and a real drag.

IF I am stuck where I am at I am thinking of at least going back to my old shift, It's not perfect but it will also help in some situations and the new supervisor on that shift is a nice guy and he may break the streak of shitty supervisors ,LOL.

 

[spintee]

I skiped all replsys and only read the first part, Reason being is that fuck all change my side, same shit different toilet, I was planning to start training again but the whether put me off Its like an icebox here.
Unless I win a jackpot lotto than there is no going to be much changing my side. If I do win than I give you lot a some foldings,

I would no mind going to where you are H, I had a mate gone there but after seeing the pics I think he went on the puff side, Nohing against it but I keep on the right side.

 

[Jono777]

I skiped all replsys and only read the first part, Reason being is that fuck all change my side, same shit different toilet, I was planning to start training again but the whether put me off Its like an icebox here.
Unless I win a jackpot lotto than there is no going to be much changing my side. If I do win than I give you lot a some foldings,

I would no mind going to where you are H, I had a mate gone there but after seeing the pics I think he went on the puff side, Nohing against it but I keep on the right side.

pmsl, too funny nearly made me choke mate!

I'd love to go to H's neck of the woods but I'm petrified of those big white things (and no I don't mean toilets )